Hmm. This makes me wish I still lived in my old quadplex. The neighbors were all very friendly and considerate, and routinely asked each other if the surround sound/music/guests were too loud (they very rarely were). I’d kill to live in another building like that.
My 2 cents- wait for another banging incident. If it’s a decent hour, go down and talk to them right then. If not, wait til the next day. Explain you’d like to resolve this noise issue to both of your satisfaction. If they’re reasonable, have your husband do normal activities while you are in their apartment to guage the noise level. If it is too loud, then both of you should approach the landlord about soundproofing. If they have completely unreasonable expectations (which is my guess) or if they refuse to have a reasonable conversation with you, then send your landlord a letter explaining the problem and how you’ve attempted to resolve it, but your neighbors are idiots. Then let him/her deal with it.
Some people are total jerks when they’re nameless/faceless. People who will flame out others when they’re on the computer are often gutless when face-to-face.
I think there’s a very good chance that when you’re flesh-and-blood on their doorstep, they’ll suddenly get all reasonable with you.
I really hate the letter. You’re doing absolutely nothing wrong, and don’t need to defend your right to move around in your own apartment.
I think the best solution is to go down and talk to them after the next few banging incidents. Adopt a reasonable but firm tone, asking them what the problem is. Explain that you weren’t doing anything unusual, and ask them to stop with the banging. After doing this a couple of times, I’d simply start calling the landlord and complaining every time they bang on the ceiling after that.
As long as the noise you’re making is at reasonable hours and is normal living-in-an-apartment noise, I think you need to go out of your way to avoid adopting an apologetic or conciliatory tone. They’re in the wrong here, not you. Their rent doesn’t guarantee them a noise-free sensory deprivation chamber.
Or, like the third neighbor in my ordeal, she’ll flip out, threaten violence, lawsuits and police charges for showing up on her doorstep. Then she’ll lie to the landlord about what has been going on and play the innocent.
Worked too, until I was standing in the parking lot talking to the complex manager when the woman’s husband came home and inadvertently let slip that the woman had hidden her TV in the closet when she led the manager on a tour to “prove” that she had no TV and I was making shit up. Whoops.