How about “My son said move-in is not a good time to visit and having 4 adults standing around while he and his friends are trying to move into an apartment would be stressful. Plus your husband doesn’t want to go.”?
What’s the worst thing that happens? An annoying person who you don’t want to deal with in the first place never speaks to you again?
I had to hand it to my son in his dealings with his former mother-in-law. She would do her best to drive a wedge between him and his wife, and he would just turn to her and say “Time for you to leave my house. You can either leave on your own steam or I will forcefully eject you”.
Cromulent.
Just tell her that nobody else is going that weekend, because son needs his space.
The key to making her feel included is to also tell her, as others have mentioned, the weekend that you are all planning to go up there. When’s homecoming? That’s a good week to visit.
Being an in-law to her, any excuse should be delivered by someone other than you. Either her husband, her daughter, or her grandson should be the one to tell her. You, not being her husband or blood relative, are at a greater risk of this becoming a wedge issue between the two of you.
So, I thought it was the mother-in-law, but I’m seeing a lot of responses about Grandma? Anyway, I think m-I-l needs to be told politely, but without question that this is not the time. IMO, she needs to listen to her own child. I don’t think this should be a situation that needs to involve the other spouse.
The person in question is the OP’s mother-in-law, and thus the grandmother of the OP’s son, who is moving into college.
A very valid excuse is the predictable spike in respiratory infections in back-to-school season, when college students are bringing various unpleasant microorganisms from the four corners of the earth and passing them around in their densely populated living spaces.
Yes, keep Grandma and Grandpa out of that toxic atmospheric brew if you can. Plan the family visit for a few weeks later when the seasonal illness wave will have run its course.
Perhaps invite the grandparents for parents weekend?
I read that as the Ohio State Michigan game (or whatever big game). That’s when all the gray hairs descended upon campus.
4-adult posse? Wife spending time with her mom?
Take yourself and your wife out of it.
Son needs to spend time figuring out his boundaries. What exactly is he willing to have, in terms of a visit from grandma? Once he’s clear on that, you can help him craft a message; but it’s up to him to deliver it. If he wants to maintain a good relationship with her, he might need to have a visit that’s not his ideal. Relationships involve compromise. But if he doesn’t figure out where his boundaries are, it can get messy.
What you’re describing sounds like homecoming weekend, which might be different from parents weekend.
Exactly. Parents Weekend (or Family Weekend) is for the families of current students; Homecoming is for alumni (of course, there are parents who are also alumni).
At my alma mater, they’re on two separate weekends – likely intentionally, to make it easier for families to get hotel rooms in the area for Family Weekend. This year, Family Weekend falls on the Badger football team’s “bye week,” again probably intentionally.
Ah, thanks! I shouldn’t read & comment when I’m so tired.
It’s not your job to negotiate with your MIL. I think you should let your son and your wife decide what they will do (hopefully they can agree on that) and then you just support them, whatever they decide.
They might decide that it’s actually an okay time for Granny to visit. He won’t be caught up in classwork yet, won’t have acquired a potentially awkward live-in girlfriend, won’t yet have a stack of empty beer cans…
They might decide that they don’t want Granny, but letting her visit is the path of least resistance. They might decide it’s worth fighting this battle.
And you should support any of those three options.
And it’s really not your job to protect your FIL from your MIL.