OK, you all know what a Ludditie I am, so I’m sure this is MY fault . . . I bought a cordless phone and I can’t get it to work. The guy at the store installed the battery, so I assume THAT was done right. I plugged it into the phone jack and the electrical outlet for 24 hours to charge it up. But I can’t get a dial tone.
The “battery charging” light came on while it was plugged in. When I picked up the receiver and pressed “talk,” the keypad lights lit up—but so did the “battery low” light. I tried switching from tone to pulse and back. No luck.
So what am I doing wrong that any five-year-old child would know about mobile phones?
A very methodical list of things to check:
[ul]
[li]Make sure that phone jack works with another phone. You’d be surprised how many times this turns out to be the problem. Just go get whatever phone you were using before and plug it into that jack and see if you get a dial tone.[/li][li]Once you know the jack is “live” as they say, test the cord you’re using with your new phone by plugging it into the live jack and then plugging it into your old phone. If the old phone works fine with the new cord, the cord is OK.[/li][li]If the jack is live and the cord is functioning, test the new phone again, triple-checking to make sure all the various cords are plugged into the right holes. Some newer phones have two phone jacks on them so you can plug an answering machine directly into the phone. If your phone has two identical phone-cord-shaped jacks on it, make sure you can tell the difference between the jack that is supposed to be connected to the phone line (sometimes labeled “line” or “in” or “wall”) and the other one.[/li][/ul]
Good luck!
“Say, Sarah, could you ring Eve up in New York for me. The ring, oh hell, I don’t know. Try Murrayhill9-4574. Sure, I’ll hold on. Mmmmmmmmm, la la la, pennies in a stream, falling leaves of sycamore, moonlight in vermont. Icy fingers wa…what?, well, hell, Sarah, try the number again. Sure, I’ll hold. Telegraph cables, they sing down the highwa…well, hey there, Eve. What’s that you say? I can’t quite make you out there, dear. Sounds like we’ve got a bad connection. I’ll tell you what. You take that telephone back where you bought it and tell the man it just doesn’t work right. That’s right, just exchange it. Tell him you want a black, BakeLite model with a rotary dial. Doesn’t have those, eh? Hmmm, you may just have to exchange it for another of the same. Maybe the battery he gave you is bad. The battery, the battery! I’m saying the battery is no good! Oh jeesh - Sarah, we got cut off. Try and ring her again for me will you. Just call me back when you get her on the line. OK. Mom? Oh she’s fine. Dad, he’s good, too. Yes, dear. I’ll be sure and tell them. 'Bye now. And don’t forget my call.”
P.S. Finally got hold of the store manager on the phone (the phone at the office, which WORKS) and he agreed it sounds like a bad battery or bad phone. Gotta schlep it back on Saturday.
Dammit, I knew I shoulda stuck with the tin cans and string.
New York City Inward, Operator 6, May I help you?..
MurrayHill 9-5474? Sarah? is that you?!! Is that plnnr trying
to reach Miss Eve? Well, we’ve had problems with her line
since she got that new-fangled cordless phone! Can you believe it? Where would we be without our cords?.. Anyway, Sarah, there is trouble on the line. When she used her Model 102, in the Lounge there was no trouble. … She wrote nice books about the old silver screen movie stars, then she goes into a BestBuy and some young thing with peroxide blonde hair and a ring in his ear sells her one of those plastic phones with a dead battery, and then Bob is your Uncle, nobody can reach her. Thank goodness, rumour has it that her new boyfriend is going to give her a new battery this weekend, but we won’t go there!..Love to chat, but the Board is lighting up. Sarah give plnnr my regards!..
Well hell’s bells, Sarah, it took you long enough! What’d you have to do, run a string all the way to New York? My God, woman, suppose it had been an emergency? I almost decided to send a cable instead but the line at Western Union was out the door. What’s that? No, I didn’t know that Mr. Drucker’s mother had died. That’s too bad. Had she been ill? No? Just sort of up and died, eh? Funny how that happens sometime. When’s the funeral? Not going to be a funeral? Well, I’ve never heard of such. Hmmm, strange habits those folks have. You know what they say about their underclothes, don’t you? Now, don’t go repeating this, but, say, who just picked up on the line? The line’s being used. Pardon me, but the line is busy right now. You’ll just have to try your call later. I beg your pardon? I will not hang up…Who is this? Sarah, who is that? Who’s on the line? I’ve never been so insulted in my life. Sarah, when you get Eve on the line call me back. Oh, and tell that nice Operator6 in New York I said hello. Yes, they do have such nice telephone operators up that way. Bye, now.
While Operator 6 and Plnnr are having fun over in the peanut gallery, allow me to offer a big (sisterly)kiss to KneadToKnow—you had it right on the button! I switched the phone jack and—Bob is indeed my uncle!—it worked fine and dandy! Now I am able to gossip to my friends from my bubble bath, like Joan Crawford in “The Women!”
Say, in celebration of this being the first thing I’ve gotten right since … well, since before I can remember … do you mind if I use that as my new sig?
