Need gag "going to prison" gifts (funny, bizarre story of why included)

So my best friend had a package come to her house. She opened it and found this old Mickey Mouse book, along with a receipt for $1.08 for its purchase. She was confused, so she checked and found it was addressed to the person who lived at her address 8 years ago, mailed by someone in PA. So she wrote “RTS” on it and put it in the mailbox.

It turned out to be a DHL delivery, not USPS, so the carrier gave it back to her. She set it aside and put “call DHL to sort this out” on her to do list. Since it wasn’t exactly a Ming vase or something, it got back-burnered for a few weeks.

Last Friday, a police officer contacted her to inform her she was being prosecuted for larceny. The lady in Pennsylvania had decided that the book she sent to her nephew was so precious that it really warranted interstate criminal investigation (though not sending a postcard to my friend asking her to return it or anything).

The NC district attorney assigned to the case managed to talk the complainant out of pressing charges and just asked my friend (as he stifled giggles over the whole thing) to send the book back ASAP.

My friend’s birthday is in a few weeks, so of course I went on Amazon and bought a copy of the book for her. I reckon I should package it with a bunch of “you’re going to jail” silly stuff, and I need help with ideas. So far I’m considering:
[li]candy cigarettes[/li][li]novelty orange t-shirt with prisoner number[/li][li]toothbrush for fashioning a shiv[/li][li]Saul Goodman business card[/li][/ul]

What else can I include?

Good story! If you’re seeing her in person, you can bring a birthday cake with a file in it.

I think James Thurber once wrote something about That Lady In Pennsylvania.

Depending on how rude you want to get, a box of disposable strawberry-flavored douches and/or a tin of Altoids might be funny. At least, I think they are.

But in prison, she wouldn’t have a mouse to click on the file. :confused:

Soap on a rope is a classic.

I was going to suggest a simple Twinkie with a very obvious nail file stuck through it that you could even see the ends on both sides.

A bottle of black ink and a sewing needle, so she can get started on her prison tattoo.

Perhaps a little Gay Flag to let her know you will still be supportive of her after she and her cell mate, Big Bertha, become lovers.

A printed off “get out of jail free” card

Handcuffs? A ball and chain?

I’m thinking a Nolo press “do it yourself” law book - bonus if you can find something related to criminal law.


Oh yeah - how about a do-rag?

Shoes with the laces removed.

This is THE funniest thread I’ve seen today. How about sending her a dvd of ‘Cool Hand Luke’?


*Midnight Express
Escape from Alcatraz *

This would make a great short story.

I like the idea of a plastic ball and chain. The cheaper looking the better.
Maybe some pyjamas that are black and white striped so she could 'get used to it" ahead of time. (Yes, you 21st century party poopers, I know that ‘Orange is the New Black’.)

Let us know what you decide to do. This sounds funny as heck.

Take a bar of soap drill a hole string rope through it.

Since when can you be prosecuted for opening and keeping a package that comes to your house unsolicited?

Yeah, my thoughts exactly.

Teach her to squat and cough.

How about copies of Johnny Cash or Merle Haggard’s prison songs?