Yes, yes, I know the rule: If you have to ask, then yes, it is definitely creepy. But I thought I’d ask anyway for perspective.
Back story shaved down to save time: Old friend (known each other for over 20 years), we’re no longer getting along and haven’t touched base in almost a year. Not really relevant to our friendship, but friend is female (never, ever, ever any kind of romantic interest of any kind.*) Anyway, the important part to remember is that things are mutually frosty right now.
Current story: I came across an out-of-print book that back in high school would have been a very precious thing for her to have. Back then she used to say “I’ve always wanted X.” So flash forward 20 years, and —Hey, look! It’s X!— So without ever really thinking about it, I bought X. I don’t even really know how I remembered such a trivial thing. In fact, now I feel really stupid, because I have no idea if she still gives a rat’s ass about X, but back in the day I had made a mental note to keep an eye out for it on her behalf. So when I saw it, I had a “Eureka!” moment like I’d found a prize.
So, would it be creepy to send her the book? I’m afraid it will look far too “meaningful” or something. She knows I’m getting married, but I’m still worried it will look like I’ve been obsessing or something. And I honestly only remembered how much she wanted that book when I saw it in the used bookstore.
I can put the book on my own shelf, or send it. It doesn’t really matter to me.
*This friend is a lesbian. She didn’t know it (or hadn’t sorted it out) at the time I knew her in school. Years later when she came out, she realized that the reason she started hanging out with me to begin with is because my sister is gay and she felt really comfortable around me.
Not really, as long as the note you send with it makes it clear that she owes you nothing. Just something like ‘Hey, I know this is so completely random but I came across this at a used bookstore the other day and for some reason I remembered that you used to talk about getting a copy. Hope you like it and are doing well (and if you already have it, hopefully you know someone else to re-gift it to!) Sincerely, Swallowed My Cellphone.’
Okay, upon re-reading even that sounds like it could be a thinly-veiled attempt at rekindling your friendship. But is that really such a bad thing? (Is it? It could be.)
Meh, I’m not too concerned about rekindling the friendship either way. Our falling out was (IMHO) stupid. She was being a jerk to a third party that I didn’t even know, and she asked for advice, bascially: “IYHO, am I being a total jerk by doing XYZ?” and I said, “Yes. Yes, you are.” Now she’s not talking to me. :rolleyes:
But anyway, part of what I’m worried about is the title of the book could be misconstrued. Eg/ Let’s pretend the book’s title is: “Things that Never End”
See what I mean? The same problem could occur if it had a title like “Forbidden Love Stories” or “I Wish You Were Dead”.
Tangental story: My fiancee has fond memories of her grandpa reading “The Cremation of Sam McGee” to her when she was little. I came across an anthology that had it: it was in a school textbook that was being sold off at a school’s yard sale. I gave her the book, and when she unwrapped the paper package, she found… sixth grader’s textbook. It made her go:
And hey, if the OP wants it to be creepy, send this exact note, but don’t sign it, don’t include a return address, and mail it from somewhere other than his hometown. That’d be creepy
Send it. Either lay in a little note about how you remember that she wanted it once upon a time, or make this part of an inscription inside the cover. That way, she won’t possibly be creeped out about you sending it out of the blue.
Considering that the SDMB is heavily indexed by Google, a quick and well-worded search on the friend’s part might turn up this thread and a lot of other stuff that maybe the OP doesn’t want her seeing.
Sounds to me like an old school reader that I was taught with. It was called Under Canadian Skies, but that was Grade Five’s reader, not the one used in Grade Six.
My immediate response to the thread title was “Creepy as shit,” but after reading the OP, I’ve revised my response to “Aww, that’s actually sweet. Go ahead and send it.” I know the frostiness of your relationship and the time between you speaking would ordinarily increase the creepy factor, but that this item is so particular significantly decreases it. I’d leave a note that says “Thought you’d like this. -Me”
Only obscuring because it might be dorky for an adult and also to obscure my identity a little, just in case she lurks (she’s kind of a computer geek and plays around on various message boards and could figure out who I am and I’ve posted occasional minorly TMI stuff here). I’ll PM you though. It’s an innocuous title.
Continuing the hijack: the reader is called Reach for the Stars or something along those lines. It was on a table with sixth grader stuff, but could be for younger or older grades. It was a cloth covered book and it also has Casey at the Bat. It’s actually kind of a fun book, I got another book from the series at the same garage sale, but I don’t know why. One is brown the other is green.
Yes, I realized right after I had my :smack: moment. My girlfriend was positively thrilled when I explained though and she made me read “McGee” in an ominous voice.
Ah, Under the North Star, perhaps? Seems to me the other one would be called My World and I, but I could be wrong. I bet there’s even a Jonathan Bing poem by Beatrice Curtis Brown in there, too.
