I can’t take these bastards anymore. First they started transferring wrong-number callers to my phone. Another day, they unplugged my phone’s handset so while I connected to the other side, I couldn’t hear or speak to them. Then, while I went to get coffee, they moved my entire desk to an adjacent cubicle, with everything in the exact same position. They even switched my trash can and keyboard with the empty cubicle’s identical ones. Some time after that, they soaked my chair with water, so when I sat down…
Anyway, Friday was the last straw. They somehow were able to sneak three ghost peppers into my sandwich while I wasn’t looking. This pepper actually has a section in its Wikipedia entry titled “Uses as a weapon.” It hurt for hours.
So I need revenge plots. They need to pay. I’m thinking of putting a cup full of water upside-down on their desk. Anyone know of any good skin irritants I can put on their phones? Any other ideas?
Do you have doughnut Fridays?
If so, get a rubber roach. Get a needle strung with fishing line. Put it through the roach and then leave about 4 inches and put the other end through the doughnut. When that doughnut is grabbed, it will look like a roach is coming out.
Those are some pretty nasty pranks - IMO, causing physical discomfort is crossing the line and I’d be discussing it with management - I’m guessing that’s not an option for you, but I would caution against things like skin irritants, as reporting to management might be an option for them.
Freeze a can of shaving cream. While it is frozen, cut or drill a hole in the bottom of the can. Place can in your foil’s desk drawer and wait for it to thaw.
Place a sardine in an interesting place. Perhaps by opening his phone, or on the back panel of a drawer.
Hire a drifter. You know, a drifter.
If they have a favorite glass or coffee cup, do them a favor and wash it with lots of soap. Don’t rinse it out, just to make sure they can taste how clean the cup is.
Get some of those musical birthday cards. Cut out the little players. They’re small and easy to hide in somebody’s cubicle. And they’ll play continuously for hours before the battery dies out.
Expanding foam in the locks of all their desks and car locks. they started playing dirty with the wet seat and pain from the peppers. Or just go to HR and report them.
A co-worker of mine (“Danny”) stepped away from his desk one time and didn’t lock his computer. I went into Word autocorrect and told it to change the word “the” to “Danny is a doofus.” So he’s working on a document and his paper becomes increasingly riddled with “Danny is a doofus” for no apparent reason. Harmless and easily corectable, but a lot of fun.
On an earlier occcasion, when Danny was a relatively new hire, I composed the following e-mail on his computer and sent it to our entire working group, including management:
Do any of them use speakerphone to listen to their voice mail messages?
“Hi, this is Bob. We met at The Manhole last night. I wanted to warn you I have ANAL WARTS…call me!”
Check to see if they leave their computer unlocked. Type a company-wide email stating their love of sheep. I hear something like that can stick with a person.
Office pranks are never a good idea. Eventually the boss will hear about them. 25 years working and I never had one pulled on me at work.
I would ignore any prank. Ask the people to stop. If they continued then I’d report it. Work isn’t the place for high school pranks. I wouldn’t risk my job by retaliating.
OP, I think you’re being harassed and I would report those bastards. I hope you would never think of doing some of the stuff that’s being suggested in this thread.
Frankly, the wet chair and ghost peppers have taken this past the point of fun office pranks. My thought is to invest in a lot of super glue, and just dump it on/in shit they need to use to work.
Wheeee! What fun! I need a new keyboard! Wait, I can’t get it unplugged! Ha Ha Ha! I’ll call tech support… uh oh, the handset is glued, as are all the buttons, what a great prank!
You should consider why you’re the target for these pranks. Are you so mousy, they think they can get away with this, or are you the office’s stick in the mud? Why don’t they fear your ire? I’m not prank-proof, but people would know if they tried one of more serious ones like the wet seat or the peppers, there would be disproportionate hell to pay. The potential for retribution is what keeps most people in check. You’ve been called out.
Going to HR is a sensible option, and is decent payback if your people will enforce consequences. Otherwise, it’s time to seriously fuck their shit up; a fly in an icecube is not going to cut it. Sugar in the gas tank is good for a hefty mechanic’s bill, as is most automotive damage. If you’re not up for out-and-out crime, have a friend call the office (from a payphone) impersonating a hospital worker informing them about a horrible car accident in which a family member was seriously hurt and is being air lifted. I don’t recommend ExLax or Visine, as they’re more dangerous than you think, and more and more it’s being treated as a poisoning attempt and not a good-humored prank. Did you know you can buy deer and fox piss at most hunting/sporting goods stores? Just throwing that out there. Stuffing a tailpipe does really work, but it’s better to rig the car for a suicide via garden hose and towel, and then call the guy’s wife and express your concern that he’s going to kill himself.
ETA: while you’re at it, have a female friend leave vagely incriminating (not too obvious) voicemails at the guy’s house. Bonus points if you can sneak egg-white stained panties into his car. You know, ruin lives.
I’d like to caution everyone about suggesting illegal activities here. Is that a good idea? Perhaps more productive would be helping Chessic deal with this workplace issue in a better way that harming people or, more to the point, doing things that are illegal that might get HIM in trouble.