Okay, this is getting ridiculous. A little background…Two years ago, I got married after having lived a good deal of my life alone. I owned a house in the Boston area, and, after finally finding a lovely man who cared for me, what with rising living costs, and my biz not being what it once was, I decided to finally tie the know with him. I had always been a loner: that is, I was one of these weird people who really liked being alone ALL THE TIME, and I had always disdained marriage. But, because my hubby was the type of guy you just wouldn’t want to let get away, I decided that it would be just plain stupid and unhealthy of me to say no to him, especially since I was now middle-aged (I never wanted kids, so that was not a concern of mine). He was from the country, and the idea of his moving into the property with me was just out of the question and it was with some reluctance that I ended up selling the house and moving to a house in the country, but it was the only thing to do, and I did end up with some dough of my own that I have since invested.
So now, two years later, I am very happy and I do not regret for one second, my decision of marriage. My life is much easier now, and I have the time and the dough (I still work part-time, but the stresses of work no longer exist in my life) to do my art, travel, and all of the other things that I never had the proper time to do, so WHY , every time I have a dream, I am back in my old house, sitting in my bed, in the living room, in the kitchen, etc. I am always there, and it’s very funny, because on every occasion, the scenario is the same. I know I no longer live there, but I have a sense of entitlement…something like, I suddenly realise, Hey, I don’t belong here, the new owners will be back any minute. In most cases, they DO come back, but they’re not mad at me, I usually just wake up at this time, and when I do so, I always feel very depressed, silly, and puzzled.
I often say, in the dream, “See, I still have the key” . So, I gave myself a big lecture, and I said…see that? YOU have the key, It’s very telling. YOU are the one who decides to keep having this dream, now cut it out! But it never works. I DO miss my old life sometimes. I DO long for my alone-ness, but this is very understandable, since I am now in such a different situation, surrounded by people. (My husband had four children). You know how we all idealize the past, even though sometimes it sucked?
Last night, not only did it happen again, but this time, I was staying over night. It almost seems as though the whole process is escalating! What’s next, I develop a second personality so I can be in both places at once?
Does anyone know a process by which one can effectively ‘exorcise’ the compulsion to have repetive scenario dreams like this one? I thought that self-talk would be enough. (It was when I used to have those dreams when we are late for class and don’t know where we’re supposed to be, etc. I haven’t had one in years. )? I know it is not possible to be psychoanalyzed on the 'net, but there must be some formula that someone has used that may help. It’s starting to become a problem. Thanx for reading this rather long bundle of words.
It seems to me your worrying about the dream is likely to do more harm than the dream itself.
A little nostalgia for your previous lifestyle is normal, healthy, and not a problem. It doesn’t sound like it’s affecting your life or your relationship, if that’s so then I wouldn’t worry about it; most likely it will work itself out. That’s what dreams are often for, to work through things like this; just let it happen.
But if you find it does affect your life, then maybe you can do something to allow you to move on. One idea I had was this: find out when the new owners will be away and offer to rent the place back for a night or two. Stay those nights there with your partner! I think that will help integrate your old and new lives.
Good luck.
How long did you live there? Do you know the new owner, and is there any chance he’d let you visit inside? I don’t know if this will help or not. Is there anything you feel you have left behind (of any physical, sentimental, or spiritual value) by leaving there (good, bad, or indifferent)? Any childhood memories there, or nearby, perhaps? Or, events from a previous relationship you may be wanting to forget which unfolded there, and/or perhaps the relationship is somehow linked to that place, in some shape or form? - Jinx
Thank you for your replies. I am sure that there are some things which I have not quite worked out yet in my new life, and it is usually a good idea to just let the dreams happen and eventually, they will stop, but is it normal for this to take two years?
Yes, there were a lot of emotional things that went on with me while I was living there…I lived there for 24 years! But as of yet, I have not been able to drive by the property and see what it looks like now. I know it’s completely different,and that the new owners have put a ton of dough into it, but I am just not ready to see it. Maybe I should just toughen up and do it, as that would probably get the message through that this is no longer my place. Part of my feelings about the place may just be jealousy. I never had the dough to fix it up as it should be fixed. I don’t know. I think just the act of posting this message may have an effect…? Thanks again.
I’m probably about your age and I have lived alone since I divorced at 33. I thought for many years that I would want to marry again, but then at somewhere around 50 I was just happy to be alone. But I can imagine it would be nice to meet Mr. Right 
But then I can imagine it would be hard to give up my single life . I think we’re both pretty normal.
But I do have some thoughts. Perhaps you need to grieve your loss? I know that when I later returned to the home that we owned when my children were small and I was married I was just heartbroken to see the changes. My herb garden was gone, they had cut down a beautiful tree, and the remodeling they had done was not at all to my liking. Silly I know, but I just felt that they had no right (damit!) to do all this to “my” home! But it was good for me to see it, and I think it might be good for you too.
I’ve used my dreams all my life to help me keep in touch with my inner life. Mostly I have used the Fritz Perls approach of having a conversation with the objects in your dream. For instance you would talk to the key of your old home. Then you would be the key and answer. But you must keep everything in the here and now. It really helps to have a good friend help you keep on track.
Thanks for such a great post! I hope you let us all know how you are doing. Our little Therapy Group, don’t ya know. We can say, “Thankyou for sharing that…”, and so on 
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I can sympathize with that.
I’ll be moving (soon, I hope) to be with Zyada, and have been having strange things happen. I don’t recall any dreams, but old memories have been popping up at odd times. A week or two back I suddenly remembered the address my ex and I lived at quite a few years ago, complete with postal code and a full layout of the neighbourhood and the stores we used to shop at. I also remembered events from my time at university and my first job after graduating.
I’m sure my dreams will start soon.
I’ll bookmark this thread and look back in from time to time. Thanks!