Need opinions (genuine critique) on a painting

Cafe Society
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Ok I’m going to reply to a lot of little things in the posts since last night all at once, rather than trying to address each person individually. I’m also going to group answers to different questions about the same elements together, rather than doing the whole thing chronologically as asked.

The pink is coming from the white. There is white paint on the face as well, and when it streaked around with the red, I ended up with several streaks of pink. (This is when I really put the paint on my face, for the reference photo).

The floating hand is supposed to be sort of “directing” in a symbolic sort of way. Think of the gestures that a conductor or a magician make… it’s kind of like that. The hand is not supposed to be supporting or weight bearing. It is not supposed to be touching anything. It can’t cast a shadow because the light source is pretty much on the floor (I’m lying on the floor) and the hand is above (closer to the viewer) and so the shadow, if there were one, would be on a wall to the left of the painting, and therefore out of sight.

The hair is not supposed to be coming out of the canvas, it’s laying spread out on the surface (in this case a drop cloth on my living room floor, but the surface is not defined in the painting). The razor blades are stuck into the surface through the hair, that’s why the one “vanishes” into the background–yes it is stuck through. There will be severed tendrils of hair right next to it to make that more obvious (as I said, the first time I painted them in I didn’t like them, so I’m having a bit of a do-over). The other one is also stuck in in much the same way. They are not just suspended in the hair, they are pinning the hair down, and severing it. Other than those few wisps of hair that I will repaint in, there will be nothing else in the white area in the lower right, no. I want to leave that stark.

The right edge of the face is not resting on the hair. If it was, the face would be much more turned to that side. I was lying on my back and my head is facing at about a 45 degree angle from the floor. So the hair would not show “giving beneath the weight” of the face. The right edge of the face is not done, however, because when I started painting in the hair, I realized that unless I took about 10 times longer to be extra extra super super careful, or used a bunch of masking tape, that I was going to interrupt the edge of the face a tiny bit, accidentally, while painting in the hair. So I decided to wait until all the hair was done and then finish up that edge. It will still be a pretty crisp line, though, because the light source is directly off to the side–there is no shadow there, in fact it’s one of the brightest lit areas.

The ear will probably be darkened a little bit once I am sure I have it the way I want it otherwise.

I don’t want to lighten the lower left corner but I do think I’m going to lighten the upper right corner (JUST a little) because I think that the gradient shift is too strong. I think that it would still be dark up there, but not quite as dark as it is.

I think right now my plan of action is going to be:

fix the nose a bit. This will mostly involve the lower left edge where the nostril is, just shifting it up/right slightly to make the nose a little smaller. The bridge of the nose also needs a slight shading along the edge further away. I think this will also help with the eye on the right.

Lighten the background slightly in the upper right corner.

Finish and then slightly darken the ear.

finish the two hands holding the paint brushes

using actual razor blades, and not fake paper stand-ins (heh), finish painting the razor blades realistically.

paint back in the severed wisps of hair next to the lower razor blade.

paint in a few wisps of hair going over the front part of the tube of paint (once I’m sure the tube itself is dry).

Make sure the razor blades and tube of paint cast appropriate shadows, once the surrounding details are finished.

Touch up the right edge of the face after all the hair elements are done; reintroduce some of the highlights to the right side of the forehead.

Fix the area in the middle of the forehead where the paint strokes make it look like I have a unibrow, texture-wise. :eek:

Possibly touch up details in the eyes–not sure yet about that, though.

Fix the two small creases in the bottom where the canvas folds have cracked the paint (I’m going to do that last since it happens all over again every time I re-fold the canvas)

Does that sound like a good plan of action?

Then I just have four other paintings that I need to finish by Monday and I’m golden! (Fortunately they’re all smaller and closer to completion)

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here you go.

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Wow. OK, it’s not a contest but I’m shocked at the difference between your work and theirs. You seem to be about 10 years further ahead. Good for you!

I didn’t comment on your plan of action b/c I’m nowhere near familiar enough with the piece to say yeah or nay (plus we can’t see it that well on computers). But I trust and respect your judgment.

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Well I think it’s largely a difference in style. From left to right… Katie did hers with a palette knife instead of a brush, and it’s stylized and rough intentionally (I don’t get where the surreal/inner you thing comes with hers, but I didn’t ask either.) Roy is an abstract guy and probably does a lot better job with that style than I could. Terri doesn’t like doing people, she likes to do landscapes.

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Wow. It’s that flipping big? I guess I’ll have to retract my offer to buy, but if you ever start selling smaller prints, let me know.

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Yeah, I said in the OP it’s 5’ x 5’, almost as tall as I am, which is part of why I’m so intimidated by it. In fact, if I decide to hang it on my own wall, I’ll probably have a Giclee print made at a smaller size and frame that instead. (iprintfromhome.com does them very well and reasonably priced.) I think it’s likely when I get out of school and start trying to do art full time I will probably focus more on selling prints than originals most of the time, actually. I think it’s sort of a win-win. I get to sell the same piece to multiple people, plus keep the original (a plus for me) and the buyer gets to have something that essentially looks just the same, at a lower cost than buying the actual painting (a plus for them).

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I read a few of the comments but not all before writing this, so excuse anything already covered.

[spoiler]1. Truthfully, I didn’t see anything “off” when I first looked at it. I do see several things if I’m looking for problems, which isn’t quite the same. I’m not sure any of them are enough to muck about with - IMO sometimes mucking just makes them worse, not better.

That said, here’s my list. I agree that the nose is too big. Also the ear looks cut-off at the bottom, and the lips seem off-kilter (I wouldn’t expect to see the far corner of the mouth from the angle that I’m seeing the rest of the face). The nose is most noticeable, the lips least.

  1. Yes, I think a lighter background in the upper right corner would be better. Not as light as the lower right, but a couple shades lighter than it is now.

  2. I think the hair is really good. Fix the part past the razor blade and leave the rest alone. You could add just a tiny bit more color if you wanted, but I think very much more would be a distraction. It looks to me like you’re lying down with your hair spread out under you - maybe your teacher isn’t getting it from that perspective?[/spoiler]

Based on this and the other painting, I’d continue ignoring your instructor at will, were I you. :slight_smile:

Overall, I think it’s a truly terrific painting.

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First of all, really nice work.

Second, from a compositional standpoint, the first thing that leaps out at me is the empty and bright space in the bottom right hand corner. Even though you have strong directional lines leading the eye to the eyes in the photo, my instinct is to go straight to the bottom right, and, honestly, it’s distracting. The eye has a tendency to jump to the brightest part of an image, and that’s the first place my eyes dart to. Zebra’s suggestion of rotating the image helps alleviate that a bit (since it’s a lot less disconcerting to have a bit of negative space and light bleeding in from the top of a picture), but I’m not necessarily sure that’s the best solution. I would like that area toned down a bit, and a little less empty. Zebra’s other suggestion–to lighten the upper right hand corner of the painting, does seem to help balance the composition for me.

The other thing is the nose. It’s the bottom/underside of it that looks out of whack to me. The rest of it is fine.

Otherwise, looks pretty damned cool.

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the ear looks cut-off at the bottom, and the lips seem off-kilter (I wouldn’t expect to see the far corner of the mouth from the angle that I’m seeing the rest of the face). The nose is most noticeable, the lips least.
My earlobes point forward. Once I finish the contouring on the ear I’m hoping it will be more obvious. It’s amazingly hard to use dark/light and color to contour something that is covered with varying light/dark and colored splotchy paint!
My mouth is off-kilter; it twists to the right as a result of a serious dogbite when I was a toddler. That said, I do think I need to tweak the mouth because I can see how you would think that was the corner of the mouth–it’s not. It’s just that the paint on the lips makes it harder to tell what is what and I think I could make it clearer (by diverging from my reference, oddly enough).

Yes, I think a lighter background in the upper right corner would be better. Not as light as the lower right, but a couple shades lighter than it is now.
oh definitely, that’s what I was thinking. Certainly nowhere NEAR as light as the lower right. I was talking about a very subtle change. As it is right now I think the gradient is inconsistent, and if it were continued up the side the way it is for the lower 2/3 of the painting, it would not be quite that dark at the top.

it looks to me like you’re lying down with your hair spread out under you - maybe your teacher isn’t getting it from that perspective?
That is exactly what it is (me lying down)… it didn’t even occur to me that might not be obvious. It could be that is what is confusing him.

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I appreciate your input, but the total stark emptiness of the lower right corner is important to me so that’s one thing I’m not going to change. (It’s meant to be jarring, and it’s symbolic of creating something from nothing.)

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In that case, I like the idea of lightening the upper right for balance.

72

Punning aside, your painting is head & shoulders above the others. The painting of the black man is a good second. Your painting, is much busier than the others: I’m wondering if you need the handprint or if you might be better off with a bare shoulder. Basically, you start at the bottom with the real and work upwards to the surreal.

But really, beauty is in the eye of the beholder: if you like it, that’s enough in itself.

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It’s a black woman. Not that it matters, but just sayin’.

74

The only thing “off” about that painting is the left nostril; yea gods, its huge!

Otherwise, it’s beautifull.

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Thanks for the answers. It’s nice to read your responses as well as the comments, and get a sense of your creative process and aims. Seems like you are spot-on with your goals and intentions and how you make your way there. When you get the face done, that edge will read better and there is nothing wrong with the hair. Nothing! Ignore him!

Thanks for the link to the iprintfromhome.com, too. I’m looking into that for a piece I’m doing right now. It’s something I’ve never done and don’t know much about.

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Ok I did some more work on it tonight. here is where I stopped

Note that I realize that the light area by the nostril stands out too much and the lips look “off” (kinda puffy) but it reached the point with wet paint where you can’t put any more on to adjust (when you try to you just end up taking paint off) and so those tweaks will have to wait until the paint has dried a bit before I can finish them.

Otherwise, is it improving?

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They did the slides (from digital photos) for my portfolio and did an amazing job, and really, really fast. Great company.

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It’s gorgeous. I love how there are now wisps of hair around all of the tube of paint; that makes it a lot more subtle and it doesn’t stand out the way I thought it did before. I still think there should be hair all around the lower razorblade as well, though.

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Yep. I think it’s really, really fantastic.

At this moment, I really don’t want any hair on the other side of the razorblade. That unresolved, non-sensical spot is a good point of balance. It stops the eye. If you put hair on the other side of it, you’re going to have to do something else, too. Let it be a symbolic cutting of your self, a point of loss. You’ve got the hand, saying “start”, the razorblade, in reply, saying “stop”.

I think you should stop, right there.

Especially since it already kicks total ass in terms of the context of your class – your peers aren’t doing anything nearly that complex. The big rough piece (was it the black woman student?) has some excellent energy, but the rest of the class looks…um…rough.

Wonderful job, Opal.

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Well as I’ve said all along, there WILL be hair on the other side of the razor blade. There used to be, but I didn’t like how it was executed so I painted over it so I could start again. I also need to finish the razor blades and do some other things.

The black woman is the blue face that is next to mine, before the lady doing the ocean scene.