The problem here is that this is really a range, with a single chip on one side and, say, a kidney donation on the other. The question is not whether or not you should draw a line, but where you should draw the line. I wouldn’t say that a family that thinks that $10 is on the trivial side of the line has abandoned the concept of courtesy or anything; within the family $10 is right about where my line is, too, but anything over $10 or so calls for a thank-you.
With a co-worker, on the other hand, I would err on the side of caution–not knowing where that co-worker’s own line is–and thank for any expenditure, even a quarter in the parking meter,
I try to refer to the old saying, “Treat your guests like family and your family like guests.” I was raised in a “thank you” environment. My husband wasn’t. I say thank you if he takes my plate to the sink (and to be fair, he’s started doing that as well).
And as long as you asked, my husband’s family is the weird one…but it has nothing to do with “please” and “thank you.”
Another vote for the niceties at all times. Mr. S and I nearly always say please and thank you to each other. If anything, it’s just one more opportunity for a smooch. Yes, we’re sickening.
Last night we went up to my mom’s house and installed new railings in her staircases, and in return she took us out to eat. She thanked us for the job and we thanked her for dinner. It all comes out in the wash . . .
I guess the consensus is that most people thank their SOs a lot, even for little things. I don’t think one person has posted saying they follow the same “rules” as my SO.
Except for perhaps Manda Jo:
I haven’t got a monetary line… I guess I probably have an “effort” line. My taking a chip from the bowl doesn’t involve any effort on the part of the person who bought the chips. Buying a $2 icecream for me would though, and I would thank the person. If I understand Manda Jo correctly, it seems she wouldn’t (if they were a family member).
Another comment from my SO: “When you thank people close to you (for things like taking someone out to dinner, or passing the salt), it makes the relationship seem less close (because it seems like a formality).”
My sister’s husband does not. I think he’s using the same logic as your SO. He and my sister lived with me for the past 3 months (they’ve moved out now whew), and he acts like everything in my house is his … he comes breezing thru the door, never knocking; picks up the newspaper and reads it; goes in the living room and turns on the TV. He’s not mean … he can’t help it. So, I grit my teeth and bear it. But, yeah, he’s like that.
BTW … what’s a “change” baby?
Everyone’s different, but in my relationship, a quick thanks, followed by a hug, smile or peck is just another way of showing love and appreciation. There’s nothing formal about some of the “thanks” my partner has received
i’m gonna start throwing “shout” around now. what a nifty phrase. the states would use “spot”, as in “would you be able to spot me a (noun)?”, or “treat,”
“i’ll treat you to a (noun).”
i wouldn’t say thank you for every sip of pop or chip, but if you brought me a pop and chips from the kitchen to my chair i would thank you.
in the case of the op and movie theatr, i would have said thank you for getting me out of the sticky situation, and spotting me the ticket.
I would feel very taken for granted if my family (husband) didn’t say “Thank you” to me, or vice versa. We always thank each other for things, including housework, dinner preparation, and everything in between. It shows appreciation and love, IMHO.
He has never, ever eaten a meal I’ve prepared and not thanked me for making it. Even what it wasn’t good
I don’t know- I’d find it very uncomfortable to be in the presence of people who don’t say thank you for things.
sigh I thought of this. She didn’t ask me. Maybe she would have prefered me not to buy her ticket? I was just doing what I would have liked someone to do for me. Besides there was sufficient time for her to say “No, please don’t.” Or rather, “No, don’t”.
Well, he’s read the thread now. He still doesn’t agree, I guess because he’s been “brought up that way”. I tend to think he’s defending his mother to the end, which is honourable in its own way.
He is very lovely normally, but occasionally there are these “WTF?” times when our ideas are complete polar opposites.
