Need questions for interviewee [spoof]

A psychological ploy. Ask the interviewee, “If you were conducting a job interview, what question would you ask the interviewee?” And then when they tell you what question they’d ask at a job interview, move on to your next question. It’ll throw them off because they’ll be expecting you to ask them the question they just gave you and will have their answer all prepared for that question.

Ooohhh…that’s brilliant. Evil. Evilliant.

You’re in a desert, walking along in the sand, when all of a sudden you look down. You look down and see a tortoise. It’s crawling. You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t. Not without your help. But you’re not helping.

Why is that?

At least in the US, isn’t this an illegal health question?

Oh no! He’d better not ask that question then.

I just got a new job in business development. In my line of work there are two different types of business developers. One is more of a “shmoozer” who goes to lots of conferences, meets people. and plays a strategic role. The other is a “proposal writer” who is more tactical in nature to win the business, once identified. I am entirely the latter and everyone who interviewed me did so with the understanding it was that role.

The last person I interviewed with purposely took the tact of acting like I was interviewing for a shmoozer role and asked me questions completely in line with that to see how I would fair just to screw with me and see if I would say I was good at those skills too. He also purposely suggested strategies that anyone in that line of work would know is not the right approach to doing things and asked about my success with doing those things. I admitted that I did not have those skill sets, but knew enough to know that the approach being suggested was wrong so I told him why I felt that way. I left the interview thinking he was an idiot, but was told afterward that he does that to everyone and that he gave me outstanding marks on the interview, which is one of the reasons I got the job.

What would *you *do for a klondike bar?

Kate brought a case of beer the first day, but Dave brought a case of whooping cough. How about you? What will you bring to the company?

On second thoughts, you might not want to ask this question.

Since there are a few job-related threads going on right now, I’m putting “spoof” in the thread title to aid those looking for job advice.

Thanks,
Ellen

Because I’m in a job interview.

This one made me Lol.

In a horrified voice: What is that THING!

Say you are interviewing somebody and notice that they have a large stain on their rear. Do you tell them?

I like Digital is the new Analog’s list, because almost all are plausible enough that someone wouldn’t immediately realize it’s a gag. I think that will be much funnier than obviously fake ones like the grizzly bear or unladen swallow questions.

I’ve got a drinking problem (pause) If Mary had two beers and Bill had six and each gave half to Jill how many beers would Jill have ?

Have you ever had boogie fever ?

How long is a piece of string?

One of the more difficult questions I was ever asked on the job was asked by a three year old when I was seventeen: ‘Are you a boy or a man?’ This would be a good one to follow up with ‘why?’

I see the gentle jab in your post, Digital is the new analogue.

Here’s one I was actually asked, and I still think it’s the weirdest thing ever:

“If you knew everyone in the world was going to die, and the only way to save it was to eat a live baby [human], would you do it?”

Um..I was in Canada last week. I’ll go with that.

Gotta get them in before it gets old, 'eh?

-D/a

Your child is trapped inside a burning car…

What’s the difference between a duck?

If a rachelellogram is laid on its back, which end points east?

Do you enjoy watching thespians?

Which episode of Friends had the highest Nielsen rating?

Where is the anatomical snuff box? (It really exists!)