I’ve seen some good “lawn ornaments” out in the sticks.
Car engine hanging by chains from a sturdy tree limb.
Rusted shopping carts and washing machines.
Gardening tools planted in the ground (handle down).
Car wheels half buried in the ground. This actually doesn’t look too bad if they’re shined up nice.
Broken swingsets, porch swings and ripped patio umbrellas.
I agree with xizor, a couple of tethered goats or sheep will really spruce things up.
Here’s some more off the top of my head:
Get a sign that says “Got a junked car? Put 'em here!”
Make a scarecrow type guy and stand him up behind the mower so it looks like he’s pushing it.
Pave it with asphalt and paint parking lot lines on it. Be creative. Paint school bus stops, turn lanes, the works.
Dig several shallow graves and fill them back in for that freshly dug look. Install crude white crosses with weird names on them (make sure you give them your last name!).
Spray paint the entire lawn purple or pink.
Get two of those temporary signs that say “It’s a boy!” and “It’s a girl!”. Switch them every couple of weeks. Use the same name on both signs.
The neighbor directly to my north ( on my property line) has not mowed his lawn (except just around the house for the dog to poop on) since 1995.
The rest is 10 acres of overgrown weeds. We live in the country and this is ok, even de riguer here, *but * because of this my veggie garden ( or flower garden) is constantly under a barrage of weed attack from the spores of his mutant sized plants.
So, this year I had to get a super duper rototiller (because of clay, rocks and well, it was the best.)instead of using chemicals. I should send them the $700 bill.
One of my favorite neighbors, two doors down, decided to leave 3/4 of their 2.5 acres to go wild. Overgrown. Weedy.
He calls it his wild flower garden.
I trotted him down to look at the front 17,000 square foot ( yes, 17k sq ft) corner of my yard that *is * a wild flower garden. Involving rototilling, $200 in seed and a dedication to watering that bordered on maniacal ( until I got a system going.) *THAT * I told him, was a wildflower garden.
Three years later he still has a weed patch. I, OTOH, have a nice wildflower garden. The other neighbors are not amused either, but they do throw great parties and we do like them despite their inability to * grasp the situation.*
That aside, I would like to take this opportunity to hijack this thread:
Has anyone ever noticed that there are no female gnomes? D
We had a similar problem with neighbors many years ago. We were the party house and although things never got out of end, the biddy that lived next door disliked us immensely. Even called the city when we neglected to mow the backyard although it was behind a wooden privacy fence and not visible from the street.
All that changed when we threw Martha a surprise birthday party that lasted 3 days. By day two there was a small but hardcore group camped out at the house. One of the campers shared his domicile with some biker boys who dropped by ask him about a missing Harley. Biker boys decided to stick around for a while and proceeded to spend the next three hours drinking beer and wrestling in the backyard. She never complained about anything again.
[sub] For the sake of my permanent record, I’d like to add that we did not play our music obnoxiously loud or trash the front yard. We were just a rather motley collection of dissidents and it made her crazy that we had invaded her little slice of suburbia[/sub]
My neighbors, who I like, have annoyed me with:
Damned wind chimes (I am outside a lot, they never are).
Insense in their ceramic outdoor chimney (stinks to highheaven).
“Whatever grows, stays” mentality, leading to thousands of bugs and creepy crawlers living under the rocks and plants on their yard that vacation by day in my yard.
Mind you, I actually like these neighbors, but see how easy it is to piss people off?
And, money or no money, mowing the grass is not a lot to ask for from a neighbor. Give them a break, and yourself, and lighten up…your yard probably looked like a dump and you know it.
Urban planner here. My job description also includes “other dutues as assigned,” and for many planners in small towns and suburbs, that’s code enforcement.
You’re trying to tick off the neighbors, but not get in trouble with the law. Forget cars on blocks, forget ignoring your lawn. Most municipalities have regulations prohibiting the storage of an inoperable vehicle on a residential property (the definition of “inoperable” varying from place to place). You’ll probably be sent a summons if you let your grass grow beyond 6"/15cm to 1 1.5’/45 cm. Again, the length varies on the law.
Let’s assume that you live in an area that’s not covered under a homeowner’s association or any restrictive covenants, where you’ll be subject to rules that go beyond municipal nuisance and zoning/land use regulations. No covenants? No nosy HOA? Good.
1) Go Cheektowaga. Lawn ornaments … the more Kountry Krafty, the better. Flamingos, geese, yard butts, the whole sheebang. Just keep the yard mowed, and you’ll be fine. Also, religious ornamentation … Virgin Marii, saints, the more Catholic the better.
2) Go Guido. Start off with putting your last initial on a prominent location on the house. Paint your house gold. Statuary, too … lots and lots of fountains. Statues with penises, all aimed at your neighbor. It’s art. Got a probmen wit it?
I suggest several virgin marys and a sextet of buddhas. That’ll make people wonder! Posing them would be fun too! You could vary the poses from day to day.
Just down the road a little ways from me is a yard with several old bowling balls (black and colored) buried partway with the top halves sticking up. Tacky as hell. They’re all over the yard, randomly scattered. I’d hate to be the one who has to mow that lawn.
Several years ago the people who lived across the street from my parents had an old toilet in their front yard. They had flowers planted in it.
I suggest, borrowing a lawn mower from a friend…9:30 at night go out there and fire it up. Loud and proud, you mow your yard!
Don’t forget the ever loud gas powered weed eater, great way to make the neighbors realize you care enough to clean up your yard but at an hour that will really piss them off.
THEN, go to yard sales and the flea market and get lawn gnomes…Not just a few but a whole damn village of gnomes. Create a family here and a family there, complete with a gnome tree house with a little rope ladder and gnome swings.
Crap, if I had the money (which I have NONE) I would find a family for you and mail them to you…hehe
When I was young (10 or so) my parents bought a house, and were dismayed at how rusty the (natural) gas tank was. They called the oil company, and after they were told it didn’t need to be replaced, begged to be allowed to paint it. The gas company said go ahead.
So we painted it to look like the yellow submarine. People occasionally stopped to take pictures I wonder if we have any pictures of it…hmm.
Your neighbor who called is just peeing on your tree; this can not be allowed.
But:
You can’t afford lots of lawn ornaments, or even a lawn mower.
You don’t want to make enemies of the other neighbors.
You do want a nice yard. Well, screw that for the next couple of years.
Kill the grass. Whenever any (nicer) neighbors are likely to be around, be out in that yard pulling up everything in sight. Talk a lot about how you want to learn to garden.
Well, if you want to go for long-term annoyance, you could do what my parents did to the people living behind us (who were incredible jerks to my parents):
Build a wooden fence.
Let sit for 14 years. Do only enough upkeep to keep it standing.
After the 14 years are up, remove the fence. . .except for the portion which borders your neighbors’ property.
Continue doing only enough work to keep the fence standing. . .barely.
Do this until the day you die, or the day you decide to sell.
Not only iis it cheap but it looks hellish and you can blame it on “damn kids!” Also, you can justify leaving it there because “I can’t get the stuff at the top of the trees out!”
I wonder if we have any pictures of it…hmm.