As some of you know, we just moved in to a new house. Shortly thereafter I was laid off and money has been tight, so as a result, we haven’t been able to do some things we wanted to do around the house. This includes fencing and landscaping, at this point we do not even own a lawnmower.
This would not normally be an issue except someone in my neighborhood has complained to the city about our weeds and grass. After speaking to the “weed control” guy he said that he didn’t think it was too bad and responded to the first complaint by saying so. The complainers went over his head and he had to give us a “warning” to spray the weeds and mow the grass (front, back and gardens/flowerbeds).
This pisses us off. We have hardly been in the house two months and are struggling to make it livable and have always been nice to the neighbors.
I need some (legal and non-permanent) ways to make a point. From covering the mown and de-weeded lawn in flamingos to whatever else you can think of.
Plastic Christmas ornaments are always tacky, but even more so in the summer-time. See if you can get some of those big plastic Santas, candles, nut-cracker soldiers, etc… to put out. Turn them on at night for added effect.
Loud windchimes are also good, if you can’t hear them from your bedroom. Make some out of PVC pipe for that added “Martha Stewart gone horribly wrong” look.
Those lawn ornaments that move in the wind are also good, especially if you let them rust a bit so they squeak whenever they move.
Granny bent over in the garden…a timeless classic. Gnomes, Flamingoes, Geese. For added fun dress them up, set up a croquet game and give the gnomes, flamingoes and geese mallets. Some could stand around holding plastic martini glasses even. [sub]I have always wanted to do this.[/sub]
I know a guy that got a warning from the city to do the same thing (but his place really was a dump).
He plowed his yard under and planted potatoes all over it. When they bloomed, he called the Mayor and told him to come over and look at all the pretty flowers.
His yard is still a disgrace but I think all his neighbors are scared of him (he wears a necklace made out of a squirrel skull and bones).
good idea, but do something with them like pose them in bizare or disturbing scenes from your favorite movies. Some ideas: “The gimp” scene from Pulp Fiction. Any scene from Texas Chain Saw Masacre. The scene in A Man Called Horse where they string the title character up by his nipples while the tribe stands around and watches.
Amateurs. What you need to do is return the favor by improving their lawn. Start with granulated fertilizer, poured on their lawn in interesting patterns. You could spell out words, even. Be creative.
Water until the granules dissolve, and you’re all set.
You’ve had your revenge when the words come in greener than the rest of the lawn. Best of all, you’ve done no damage at all.
I have a trailer you could buy.
[sub]Of course, there’s the issue of making it roadworthy, getting it across the border/ocean (if necessary), etc…[/sub]
Just leave the weeds/long grass and if anyone asks say they’re rare prairie wildflowers - you’re into restoration/preservation of the native species - blah blah blah. Throw a bunch of “wildlife, native, natural, meadow” speak in there. And then look down your nose at them, like you can’t believer anyone would question your good intentions for preservation.
Make a small village with grass/sticks/mud-daub houses and longhouses on your lawn. Make sure that all of the houses are no more than six to nine inches high. Put tiny dirt paths between them, and a wee little central firepit. A mini-totem pole might be a good touch. Declare them an indigenous stone-age culture, and get some environmentalists on your side. A tape recording of jungle-type drums played quietly at night might be a nice touch. If anyone says that they’ve never seen the “natives” declare them proletariot (sp?) elitist scum, and make funny darting (vaguely voodoistic) hand motions at them while chanting “ooma-yooma-yaaah-manaa!”
Or you could dig foxholes and a trench system, complete with sandbag bunkers. A festive touch would be to man the trenches with inflatable datables dressed in army fatigues.
I’m in a similar situation. My landlord requires that I mow the lawn, but he won’t repair the mower that has been broken for over a month. To spite him, I’m watering the lawn religiously, and reseeding the back yard (which was half dirt until this year).
Fish pond in the front yard. Every single square meter of it. (Wouldn’t work as well if your land is sloped).
Going with the fishpond idea? Add a spray fountain and a waterfall. Not the dribbly kind: a real gusher.
Replace the grass with cat litter, especailly if there are stray cats in the neighborhood. Name the kittycats "Black “Pete”, “Yellowbeard”, “Calico Jack”, etc. Tell the neighbor’s kids that there is “buried pirate treasure” in there.
Replace the lawn with concrete and sunbathe in the front yard.
Wish I could find the site: some guy put up a baseball field in his front yard, including lights for night games.
Then again, down here in major suburbiaville, there is one house whose owner tore out all the grass and replaced everything with rocks and flowers. Not a blade of grass to be seen. It is a nice change from all the manicured lawns surrounded by ticky-tacky.
I love the ideas involving pink flamingos and gnomes (tee hee, reminds me of the sims)…
You could also cover every inch of your lawn with those tall ass sunflowers. (hey they’re flowers aren’t they?). Either that or go all out and decorate the whole yard for halloween and keep it all up until you see fit to take them down.
I would go the other way. You can do some neat things with Round up. Naughty words, strange designs similar to crop circles or my favorite, a straight line from the water meter to the house. Hmm, must be a water leak and the poisen water is killing your lawn. Guess what it is doing to you? (Run off screaming at the family to not drink the water and you are all going to the hospital.)
Alot of farm supply stores carry clover. It’s good at keeping things from eroding, and it never gets very tall. Get rid of your grass. Replace it with clover. Your lawn will be lush, green, and short.
It also will spread like crazy into your neighbors lawn.
