I knew you were just venting. But the Lawnmower Man is peeing on your tree; he just wants to be alpha-wolf.
I still think you should kill the grass.
And complain about all the pesticides and herbicides the lawn-freak is using.
And make friends with the people with the messier yard; just to make the lawn nazi nervous.
yeah, you SHOULD start a drive for a town-wide boycott of chemical fertilizer, and using town water for lawns.
If you do that, I’ll send two flamingos (I prefer ‘classic’ to ‘done’) AND my flamingo Christmas lights.
j66-
Does it count that we weed-whacked “Bite Me” into the front lawn??
A soon as I get some cash I am starting an art project in my yard.
Don’t worry, this isn’t over yet 
Toilet bowl planters are always nice
You might be able to be unfailingly polite and still win this round.
In many cases, city records are public records – I know they are in our jurisdiction. Ask the weed inspector for the name of whoever complained on you. If he balks, make it clear to him that:
- The name of the complainant is public record; and
- You don’t intend to do any harm to the complainant; you just want to talk with them to find out how you can satisfy their concerns, so that this doesn’t become a nasty issue.
You may want to read up on local/state law, or talk with an attorney, to find out whether such information is public record where you live. I’d be surprised if it’s not, however.
Once you get the name of the complaining neighbor, write them a real nice letter, CC’ed to the weed inspector, thanking them for bringing the matter to the City’s attention. Tell them that the weed inspector has examined your property and found it to be in compliance, but that if the neighbor would like to see further landscaping happen, you’d be glad to meet with the neighbor to discuss the issue.
If you can phrase it diplomatically, mention that you’re a friendly person and would be glad to discuss issues directly with the neighbor face-to-face.
A letter like this can accomplish several things:
- Most importantly, this neighbor sounds like a secretive snake. Once she finds out that you know who she is, she’ll probably freak out and be terrified, or at least mortified.
- By offering to discuss issues directly with her, you’ll send a signal to the weed inspector: “Me=sane.”
- If she goes to the city again without talking to you first, she’ll send them a signal: “Me=insane.”
- By CC’ing the city and describing what the weed inspector told you, you make it clear that you’re being entirely above-board with her, and that you’re in the right.
But mostly, you’ll be showing her that you know who she is, that she doesn’t get to call in anonymous complaints on you. Hopefully that’ll help.
Daniel
Toilet bowl planters are always nice
Toilet bowl planters are always nice
A friend of mine in Virginia has a winch bolted to a tree(about 4 feet high), with a rope that goes up about three feet, and then over on a limb about another two feet. It’s for raising deer off of the ground to skin them. Put that up and see how long it takes people to get pissed (even if you don’t use it). Just a thought, this could be combined with the fake deer targets that were mentioned earlier…
darn it, I forgot to mention at the end of the rope is a really menacing hook…
Crop Circles.
You must know your target to fully implement revenge. DanielWithrow is correct, the info should be available to you, and you should pursue the (very even-handed and logical) boring options he mentions.
Here’s some further suggestions, that vary from nasty to truly evil. Use gloves, you don’t want to be identified doing these.
Secure an empty drum of some hazardous chemical from the industial section of town. The bigger, the better, although you should consider not getting caught installing it. Punch holes in it, put several pints of various vegetable oils mixed with balsamic vinegar in it, and toss it in their yard. Be sure and report it from a payphone - ‘I saw a barrel of (whatever) in their yard this morning; should I worry about the chemical spill?’
The night before the evil neighbor mows (you can figure out their schedule easily enough), toss several dozen small rocks into their lawn. Use the biggest rocks you can, that will still be relatively invisible to someone mowing. For a less dangerous alternative (but more dangerous to install), use foot-long 1/4" steel rods pushed into the ground. Leave them about 1/2" below the top of the grass.
Salt the driveway with roofing nails. Intermittently. Salt the roof with cheap, non-galvanized, hardware. Nothing like rust spots on a composition roof. Slingshots work great for this.
Put various greasy bolts under their car, if they leave it parked in the driveway. They’ll think something is getting ready to fall off. Then leave something that could have fallen off, but didn’t. If they use the garage, you can still do it, just get really good with the slingshot.
I always liked to set up multiple strings of Patio Lanterns…gives it that lovely “Trailer Park” look.
Any old appliances (fridges, stoves, washer, etc.) in the drive are a nice touch.
If you ever see a lawnmower in the garbage, bring it home and set it right in the middle of your front yard. Cover it with those Hallowe’en cobwebs for extra credits…
POYSYN This thread was merely a way to see how many creative ways to “get back” at the complainers the Dopers could come up with.
What… You mean you’re not gonna start hanging your beer bottles out front?
Damn, I was gonna come by and see 'em too. 
Maybe even add a Cuervo bottle or two!
Danalan, you are officially invited to dinner…
.DANALAN
laughin my ass off…that’s good shit! I’m gonna remeber that, I’ve got a real SOB for a neighbor.
her ass is mine now…heh heh
Just an update, the complainer remains confidential, they dill not release his/her name.
I think I might know who is it though, a house just went up for sale down the street.
And they’re even lovelier when they’re painted metallic silver. 
But try to avoid fluorescent orange, that’s a bit tacky.
Got any welding equipment? You could make your own yard art out of scrap metal!
The weirdest yard thingy I’ve seen is a huge concrete basket–not painted or anything, it’s just plain concrete gray. Did I mention it’s HUGE? In a very small yard. They put flowers in it sometimes, but mostly it just has some dirt in the bottom.
ME
<hijack>
No female gnomes? Surely you jest, Shirley Ujest!
Male gnomes have the RIGHT to female gnome company, as in this story.
And to find more about female gnomes, read this link.
And finally, there’s always the Gnomeweb .
Can you tell the boss is on vacation for a week?
</hijack>
Poysyn, if you’re interested in pursuing this, try asking for the city attorney and ask them for clarification on public records law. Call your local ACLU and ask them what the public records law is.
The bureaucrat you’re dealing with may have no idea whatsoever what the law is; you may need to spell it out for them.
Of course, they may be within their rights not to release the name. But don’t believe that just because they say they are: find out for sure.
Daniel
http://www.knology.net/~carlos/redneck.htm
This has GOT to be the best resource in terms of creativity and true, solid ideas.
This guy’s site follows the antics of his neigbor through the homemade mailbox to the chicken coop to the plastic pool herb garden. Most of them are really cheap too…the christmas lights, the clever use of coat-hangers…just stay away from the flames.
If you can pull off half these stunts…perhaps you can get a site dedicated to you.
Get: 1 large plastic bucket.
Fill with:
10% chlorine bleach.
90% water.
Apply to neighbor’s lawn post-1AM, pre-Dawn.
Cheap, easy, you got all you need.