Need tips for sneaking liquor into my dorm

Yes, it’s that time in a young boy’s life when he goes off to school, full of vigor. Being of legal age, one wants to know of any tried and true methods for getting some booze into the dorms without getting caught. Hilarious stories are also greatly appreciated.

It wasn’t an issue for me. When I was a freshman, back in the mid 80’s, we would order booze from a nearby liquor store that delivered. Things did tighten up after the girl fell 4 stories, but that wasn’t alcohol related, and the clampdown didn’t last.

P.J. O’Rourke once tried to smuggle vodka into an Arab country by buying a six-pack of Perrier or Evian or some such clear mineral water. Then he emptied them out and filled them all with vodka.

He didn’t succeed, but not because he was discovered with the vodka – his flight was cancelled.

Beautiful! Keep them coming. Great idea.

I’m mystified as why this is a problem. Ask for paper instead of plastic.

I am not sure if there are tight laws and rules about this, but, if you had a backpack full of alcohol, wo7uldn’t that work? Surely they can’t check all personal bags or even boxes every time you go in the place.

Well, that would be too easy, wouldn’t it? I’d rather have a challenge.

Are you asking for help to perform and illegal activity? I suspect this thread will be closed soon.

How about carrying a fish tank full of vodka in and out? THat would be more difficult.

I went to an art school where everyone had to lug around large portfolios that had all their school work. You could easily fit in a case or two, and seeing how everyone was coming in and out of the dorms with portfolios the guards couldn’t check us all.

Then in my sophmore year I decided to bring in a keg to our dry dorm room. I had the keg delivered to a friends house, headed over there with a large box that the keg could fit in, coverd it with some clothes and had a vacuum cleaner hose sticking out. Went to the guards and asked them for a hand cart because I needed to move some stuff in to my room. Had a big party that night and I think I’m still the only one to bring a keg into those dorms.

Alcohol? You’re in college!

You’re supposed to be smoking pot!

Illegal? Heck no. I’m over 21. I want to sneak it in so my roommates won’t see it. Most aren’t even 18 yet.

I always thought that Jagermeister in a Nyquil bottle would fool the near ignorant, not sure. Maybe some sort of cheap green ‘schnapps’ would be better, i dunno.

Buy some gallon bottles of pasteurized, no-preservatives-added apple juice, a fermentation lock, and some yeast, and make your own hard cider. Consult your local brew supply store for such picky details as sanitation and recipes.

This worked for me in military school and I was never caught.

Buy peppermint schnapps, green food coloring, and a bottle of Scope. Pour Scope down storm drain outside liquor store with a grimace of distaste. Fill bottle with schnapps; add food coloring, shaking well, bit by bit until schnapps is the right shade of pale green to resemble Scope.

You could, of course, do this with any clear liquor… but in military school the inspections were pretty thorough and it didn’t pay to take chances. The schnapps had the right smell and thus was safer JUST in case the inspector decided to open the bottle and take a sniff.

Another popular, though riskier, source of alcohol was to buy unpasteurized apple cider from local farmers and ferment it. The smart moonshiners at my school had good hiding places and elaborate venting systems that allowed the fermentation gas to escape through water, which maintained the seal and prevented spoilage. Other people stretched balloons or condoms over the mouth of the cider jug; the stupid moonshiners (like the guy across the hall from me) just periodically loosened the cap of the jug and let the gas escape, snugging it down tight again before any air got in. The drawback to this approach was the aroma of apples that would permeate the barracks. It took a while to disperse.

The nimrod across the hall from me forgot to vent his cider one Friday night and by the time he remembered, it was almost time for the weekly room inspection so he couldn’t do it without spreading olfactory evidence of his misdeeds throughout the barracks air for the general to smell. He decided to just wait until after the inspection and do it then.

Only the cider jug didn’t WANT to wait. While the inspection team was a couple of doors down, it exploded! The inspection team heard the sound and came in to see a sticky wave of apple cider covering Nimrod’s floor and lapping gently against his footlocker. Nimrod himself was sitting on his freshly made bed with his feet up, calmly lighting a cigarette; he knew he was busted and there was nothing to be gained by trying to act contrite.

I’m sure he went on to a successful career in politics.

Even if we take you at your word that you’re over 21, this still isn’t a General Question. This thread is closed.

moderator, GQ