Need urgent assistance--pre-Christmas issues

In My Humble Opinion
1

Hello everyone and happy holidays.

My older sister is happily married with two teenage sons living two hundred miles away, so we do not see each other that often. Here comes the part where I need any of your advice. Last month, I invited the four of them (she, her husband and their two sons) to our place over two hundred miles away for Thanksgiving Day and Friday. Stay two nights and leave Saturday morning. My husband and I thought it would be great to host them since next year they will be traveling to my sister’s in-laws who live in another state for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, so we are having them with us for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year.

I was really quite shocked when the sons and her husband Steve arrived at our home very early Thanksgiving morning as planned (about five hours before we served dinner), and the both of teenage boys were wearing these ugly black old fashion looking Chuck Taylor All-Star sneakers. See these two photos I found online to show you what the two boys came wearing (and had no other pair of shoes to change into):

Imgur

http://www.flickr.com/photos/gayinchucks/1373108405/in/photolist-36kxhR-7XzdQQ-otxuAT-4kSVax-cFvUKu-7AmjLd-98sPcw-8ES8QT-65Qh18-4kWWgC-4kSVar-4kSVBX-4kWWgJ-61ZTeU-aFRQCi-9Ekvog-FsZuY-6aPcmS-obeYhp-68VF4F-ppPowa-oJWLD8-a79jNv-21iR8-hWkGWo-9LesP7-tcYD4-daEdKP-9Eomf1-36kxin-dJTx9C-yoaGb-m35Kb-7QjzNH-95uatq-7PpREb-36kGZZ-3mb66Y-7Bk3Kr-9LbF8r-9LbEXR-5npxm-2Kp2mA-7mxWnB-8TGbTQ-36kxi6-36kxgF-niM7GL-7XtbXF-4Xr2dk
Yes, both kids were dressed nice with khaki pants and a dress shirt, but to wear sneakers to Thanksgiving dinner (with ten other people at our table when I said it was church-attire dress) I was shocked. And her husband Steve was dressed very well, also, except he had on New Balance running shoes, which looked like these:

I thought it looked tacky for the two sons and their dad (my brother-in-law) to come to Thanksgiving dinner at our place wearing old sneakers and running shoes, especially when I told them all that we were expecting dressy/church attire. Anyone agree they showed poor taste in wearing such footwear to a holiday dinner with other invited guests at OUR home??

Also, I really disliked that the oldest of the two teenage boys deliberately came with a super short freshly cut military haircut that was very noticeable. It looked awful as you can see in these two pictures that best show how his freshly cut haircut looked like:

http://howtocuthair.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/IMG_9381.jpg

http://scontent-b.cdninstagram.com/hphotos-xpf1/t51.2885-15/10005623_1440186192902292_1937465304_n.jpg

My husband told me later that night while everyone got situated in their rooms, that he noticed the oldest teenager boy rubbing and feeling the sides and back of his head/haircut, and he asked him why. Kevin told my husband that he just got a haircut the day before, extra short, and was feeling it because it was so short. He said he wanted a nice haircut for the holiday, however, my husband and myself felt the minute we saw this kid the haircut was way too short, almost bald on the sides and back of his head with a shaver/clipper. The other son (two years younger) had his hair longer, nice taper business cut, but Kevin made sure to get a fresh haircut that made him belong in the U.S. Marines.

So I wonder, does anything think I should call my sister tonight before the leave for our place early Christmas morning, to warn/ask/beg to not have the boys wear running shoes and ugly All-Star 1950s looking sneakers and Steve should wear dress shoes not running shoes to dinner at our place Christmas day. Or should I just be happy they are healthy and able to come this year for the holidays, although I wish they would listen to my request of dressy attire, to me that does not mean super skintight bald haircuts and wearing these sort of sneakers:
http://i.ebayimg.com/images/i/120919426909-0-1/s-l1000.jpg

Anyone have advice on what to do–and how to say it to make my feeling known about this with my sister and her husband and teenage sons (15 and 17)?? And by the way, what is so great about these sneakers for teenage boys?? Both of them worn them during the Thanksgiving holiday at our home.

I (and my husband agrees) want Christmas and Friday to be peaceful and nice with my sister’s family, not have them all looking like folks who came straight from a high school pep rally into our home.

2

My first advice is you don’t ask for advice in GQ.

Who cares what shoes they wear?

I can’t tell if you are being serious asking for “urgent” advice about a teenager’s shoes.

3

You could passive-aggressively give the kids dress shoes for a Christmas gift.
Other than that, I would say, you are being a bit ridiculous.

The haircut seems fine to me. It may not be to your liking, but that is a matter of taste. A military cut is hardly messy or inappropriate. I would never get one, because it isn’t my style, but the cut itself is fine.

4

Here’s some advice:

Don’t be a bitch.

What kind of bizarro world is it when people complain about a haircut being too short??

5

Reported for forum change.

So how often do you see your sister and her family. Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? Other holidays? Throughout the year?

It seems to me that you and your sister’s families are different. Enjoy the time together and realize what you are complaining about is superficial in the greater scheme of life.

6

WonderdingMom-

Greetings and welcome to the Straight Dope Message Board. I hope you’ll enjoy your time here and come to participate in many and varied threads. I think you’ll find it’s a fun place to spend your online time.

You posted this in at least three of our forums. I’ve closed the two in Great Debates and Cafe Society as redundant. I’ve moved this one from General Questions to In My Humble Opinion since it appears to be soliciting opinions. I hope it’ll do well there.

Please refrain from posting the same thread in multipole forums in the future. It’s better for everyone that way.

Jonathan Chance
Moderator
Great Debates

7

This sounds like a generational thing to me. In regard to the shoes, Chucks make a rebound (hehe - basketball shoes… rebound) every 10 years or so. It’s also a current trend (mostly among hipsters) to wear sneakers with suit or other semi-formal attire. Different people/age groups/cultures have different interpretations of what it means to “dress to respect” the place and people they’re around. These kids aren’t being disrespectful, they’re following the fashion of their generation.

Heck, they could have been uber-traditional and showed up in loincloths, like our caveman ancestors would have. Or in pilgrim costumes, which would be rather odd, as well…

Just IMHO, but when I look at the younger folks in my family, if they’re clean and whatever they’re wearing looks like they made an effort (sometimes that “I just got out of bed” look actually requires effort), they’ve fulfilled the spirit the social law; even if it’s not how you (or me) might interpret it.

8

Unless the kids are rude, mean, destructive or blatantly disrespectful of your home (I don’t count wearing Chuck Taylor’s as disrespect), keep your mouth shut. You are blowing this way out of proportion.

9

I think you are way overreacting. These folks traveled far to be with you and join in a lovely family meal. Of all the things in this world, complaining about what shoes the kids had on seems petty and not in the spirit of the holidays.

10

You know, I just changed my mind.

You should ABSOLUTELY call your sister and tell her exactly how you feel. Make sure to get her husband on another line, too.

That way, they’ll know to not bother spending time with you.

Y’know, I can’t shake the feeling that this is still some kind of spam. All the links…

11

And it keeps them from expansion. :smiley:
I’m in the “chill out and deal with it” camp. Chucks can be kinda sloppy, sure…but the kids are making an effort for you with their nice clothes and fresh haircuts, and at least the kicks are black. I’m all for a good “goddamn kids these days” fist shaking, but you need to lighten up.

12

Yes, you need to call her and let her know what kind of people they are choosing to visit over Christmas.

They sound like the kind of people who would not be comfortable around others who place so much emphasis on appearance and attire over family.

You should give them a chance to make other plans and enjoy their Christmas in a much less appearance uptight environment like say anywhere else.

This would give you the opportunity to invite someone else who is properly attired. You could then enjoy their appearance instead of having any kind of family relations.

13

I swear I read that as “kids” 4x. Serious WTF moment.

14

I would ban the kids from Christmas until they grew their hair out like respectable people.

15

Chuck Taylor’s are hipster formal wear. Buy them a scarf and a fedora instead.

16

WonderingMom, what do you have against US Marines??!!

Semper Fidelis,
Bullitt

17

Wow, this is truly extreme. When you invite people to your home, you don’t get to dictate their footwear or haircuts. Letting people know that it is a “dressy” event is for THEIR comfort, so they do not feel out of place if they are not as dressed up as the other guests, not so your delicate eyes are not offended by their canvas shoes or a glimpse of their scalps. It sounds as if the family made every effort to meet your request, the teen even going to the barber especially for the occasion. Teenage boys outgrow shoes very quickly, so keeping them in a full range of well-fitting comfortable footwear is quite expensive. A pair of plain black sneakers is a perfectly reasonable choice instead of spending a pile of money for dress shoes that might be worn only once. And why could you possibly care what any of these people have on their feet anyway? Thank them for coming. Tell them you are happy to see them. Compliment them if you can do so sincerely. Your manners are your responsibility, so focus on behaving decently, not looking for ridiculous things to criticize about your guests.

If you cannot manage this, please do not subject these poor people to your scrutiny and shallow judgment again and celebrate the holiday alone in your finest attire.

18

Like that song in Disney’s “Frozen”: Let it go.

I understand that you want visitors looking their best, and maybe you think their casual attire showed a lack of respect, but there could be other reasons. My teen daughter doesn’t have any dressy shoes right now; her feet are growing and the few pairs of pumps she had no longer fit, and we haven’t had time in the last few months to go shoe shopping. My 12 year old son put on 4 inches and 8 lbs in the past year, and the same goes for him and shoes…we go through them pretty fast. And the dad maybe didn’t feel like wearing stiff loafers for a long drive, and thought it’d be OK to wear something more casual.

They did make an effort with the khakis and dress shirts, so I’d be happy with that; after all, they did drive 3+ hours to see you and enjoy your wonderful hosting. I’m sure they meant no disrespect, and it seems like a pretty easy thing to get over. No one got drunk, no one knocked over the Christmas tree, so I’d call it good and be happy that you had the opportunity to spend some time with family over Christmas. That is what the holidays are about, not getting dressed up to please others.

You bringing up your unhappiness with their appearance is guaranteed to make them upset and probably sow bad feelings toward you from all involved-is that worth it? If I was a teen and heard that you weren’t happy with my haircut, you’d never see me again for a loooooong time. If I was your brother-in-law, ditto. If I was your older sister, double ditto.

19

I’ll bet my Christmas bonus* that we never hear from this poster again.

*I don’t get a Christmas bonus so the total is precisely nuthin

20

My church thinks both Chuck Taylors and New Balance shoes are fine. In fact, one of our long-term members, who’s over 60 and serves on the church board, wears sandals year-round. So the kids would be quite church-appropriate around here.

As for the haircut, was the kid’s hair clean? That’s really the only thing I could possibly justify complaining about.

Of course, if I drove my family 200 miles only to have my sister tell me my kids’ choice of shoes wasn’t acceptable to her I would a) tell my kids to take off their shoes in her house and walk around in their socks and b) not drive my family 200 miles next time.