I’m out in the garage fixing the tractor. It seems somebody broke off the turn signal by running into a tree. We won’t say who did this, because it’s really not germaine to the story. What is germaine is that I was fixing it, Okay? Sheesh. It doesn’t really matter who broke it.
So I got a new one and I was using my Leatherman Super Tool to install it. It has those alligator type needle nosed pliers that you can basically use for anything if you don’t mind doing something of a hack job.
My daughter shows up. “Daddy are you fixing the tractor.”
“Yes, I am.”
“That was pretty funny when you drove into the tree.”
“Thanks.”
She eyes my Leatherman. “What’s that?”
“This,” I say. “Is my Leatherman Supertool with the alligator grip needle-nosed pliers.”
“Alligator?”
“yes.”
“Would it hurt my finger,” she asks?
“Yes, my darling. I beleive it most certainly would. In fact, it could break your finger right off.”
“Really?” She asks.
“Really. Really.” I reply.
She stares at me for a second and then she gets that mischievously look. “I want to put my finger in it.”
“No you don’t.”
“You’re my Daddy. You can’t hurt me. You’d get in trouble.”
“I could just say it’s an accident,” I explain.
“I’d tell,” she replies.
“Nobody would believe you. You’re just six years old. They would ask you why you put your finger into the pliers, and then what will you say?”
She has to think about that for a little bit.
“You can’t hurt me because you’re my Daddy and you love me.”
“It’s true. I do love you…” I thought about telling her that parents resent their children as a symbol of their lost youth and innocence, and that a child also represents a part of themselves, and most people have an element of self-loathing. Then I thought about the whole Munchausen by proxy thing “…but somethimes you have to be cruel to be kind.”
“You won’t hurt me. Hold it out and let me stick my finger in.”
I hold out the pliers with their cruel teeth and I try to stare at her the way Darth Vader would.
“You won’t hurt me, will you?” she asks. It’s a good question. I’m trying to figure that out myself. What is the appropriate action here? I beleive in trust and a father’s love and I don’t want to hurt my kid. On the other side of the coin, what she is proposing is very stupid and foolhardy. There is no upside to her action, just risk. Who is being tested here, me or her?
It’s one of these Abraham on the mountaintop kind of questions. I sincerely don’t like the idea that she is deliberately endangering herself or setting herself up to be hurt by somebody else. There’s a little self-destructive codependance thing going on. Perhaps if I did snip her little finger off that would serve as a gentle reminder.
“I don’t know what I’ll do,” I answer truthfully.
She hesitates and puts her finger in and then closes her eyes…
Suddenly, I know exactly what to do!
