As is often the case in these situations, the devil is in the details. Due to the way the houses are laid out, my front lawn is contiguous with part of my neighbour’s lawn. It used to bother me just on general principle when his nephew, who at that time did his lawnmowing, mowed part of my lawn, to the point that I had to show him where the property line was. It was kind of an innate territorial feeling – “you let them start mowing you lawn, pretty soon they think it’s their property”.
Today things are different. He’s now hired the same kids that I use to mow my lawn, and they’re really enthusiastic about their work. They mow the entire front area even if I’m not around or tell them that the back yard doesn’t need mowing yet, and the neighbour pays them for it. Which means that even if I’m negligent and let the back yard get overgrown, the front of the house always looks neat and well maintained. I can’t complain about that!
It seems like one important step to take is to document everything. Try to video him.
If that doesn’t work,( because obviously it’s pretty awkward to hold your phone in his face)–then record audio. Drop your phone in the chest pocket of your shirt with the tape recorder running, every time you talk with him. It may be unacceptable (legally) in your jurisdiction, but you aren’t looking for courtroom-quality evidence. You just need social-worker-quality evidence..
It’s illegal to record audio without telling the other party in many states. (That’s why every service desk call starts by saying they are recording for training… to meet the legal requirement.) I’d advise that it’s a bad idea to violate your local laws. On the other hand, i think surveillance cameras on your own property are legal in all US states. And that would provide better evidence, too. Get a ring camera, or one of those wild life cameras, or something, and just leave it running if you want to record him.
Yes, exactly. It could easily go from, “He’s harmless, just trying to be helpful,” to “Why the fuck are you in my house rearranging my fridge at 3am, Bob?”
That’s a valid concern as far as I can see it. I wrote and sent the email over the weekend and I haven’t received any kind of communication back yet. I’ve got some things going on today. If the end of the day clears up, I may try to call them.
They just called me and said that it’s about 95% certain that they’re not the organization that I need to talk to. They suggested that I talk to the police.
In addition to police, there is the option of calling 911 and asking them to send an ambulance to deal with the demented person on your property. They may take him to the ER and then notify his next of kin. There are counselors at hospitals that advise families as to options with people suffering from dementia. If nothing is done, you have at least created a complaint or two somewhere if there is an altercation of some sort. The police may warn him, but if he has dementia, he’ll likely forget it or dismiss it, but a track record has been established in case you need to go to court.
Try Adult Protective Services first, they look into neglect (the wife declining intervention) and self-neglect, not necessarily only traditional abuse.
There is one in every state. It will be an anonymous 800 number phone call and it won’t be revealed that a neighbor called, much less which neighbor. It’s less aggressive than police showing up. These investigators are trained social workers, field police officers are not.
If that doesn’t work, then try the police non-emergency number.
I got a call today from another Area Agency on Aging person. They actually suggested that I called Adult Protective Services. She gave me the number and I started calling there and the number led me to a main number for Job and Family Services. Thing is, though, I’m pretty sure that’s where my neighbor worked at before she retired. Now I’m a bit hesitant to call…. Logical thoughts welcome.
As a community home health nurse I had to make these kind of calls, so I dug into this a bit.
As weird as it sounds, in Ohio Adult Protective Services is indeed housed bureaucratically in Job and Family Services, so don’t let that put you off, it’s the right division (bizarrely, I agree: off putting, I agree.) Persevere. Here’s that hotline number:
When you call first ask if the report will remain anonymous. If it isn’t, terminate the call, but I have never used one where it wasn’t guaranteed to be anonymous. I would also share with whoever takes your call that you are concerned because you think a family member of the adult might have connections in the office and you need reassurance of your anonymity.
There needs to be some kind on intervention before property is damaged or someone is hurt. It sounds like threats have been made. Maybe being visited or at least interviewed by the Protective Services worker will get the wife’s attention and she’ll realize she needs to take her head out of the sand and stop with the comfortable path (for her) of no resistance. It’s either an encroaching dementia or a mental illness and everyone involved deserves to feel safe, so there needs to be some intervention.
I called APS and… It’s all on me. The lady was nice and was trying to help me come up with ways to talk to them and excuses I could make for no longer having them mow and/or be on my property. But basically she said I need to confront them and if it doesn’t go well that I need to contact the police.
Good on you for trying! That could have been a more palatable intervention for the neighbor-sorry it didn’t work out.
I recently had to go through the eviction process in my county civil court for a homeless person who had set up an increasingly intrusive living situation in my backyard, which, like you, started with him doing yard work like mowing. It cost several hundred dollars for court fees and for the sheriff serving him but it was worth it. Now if he steps foot on my property the police can be called and he gets a misdemeanor and possible jail time. I no longer have to confront him, the police will deal with it. Worth every penny. The Victim Services dept of the local police steered me towards that since I was a vulnerable adult senior with reasonable fears for my safety. I did not need a lawyer.
Looks like it’s time to talk to Neighbor and Neighbor’s Wife: “Please don’t mow my lawn anymore, or come onto my property to do anything else, either. I’m concerned for your welfare and don’t want the liability if you get hurt or something happens. Please stop.”
Go to their house and have that conversation at their front door. If things go sideways, you can just leave. If you have it at your place and he goes apeshit, you have nowhere to go and getting rid of him will be tough.
I decided to go have a conversation with the police about 90 minutes ago. I explained all of the happenings so far and basically they just said that I should call them if there’s a problem. I just sent a text to the wife (our normal form of communication). She just read it and replied, ‘ok’. I hope it’s smooth sailing from here.
I kept it pretty short, but said that I appreciated what they had done for us.
I haven’t spoken to the painters yet because I was gone for most of the day yesterday, but I did not spot him on the cameras. I’ll be home all day today, so I hope that it goes as well.