Neither Mundane Nor Pointless

But I didn’t know where else to post this. I could have posted it in the Pit but I do not know against whom to direct my anger, which will surely come…do I pit God for letting it happen or the doctors who probably mismanaged this, I don’t know yet.

My sister’s husband’s brother’s baby died yesterday.

From what I can gather, but I might be wrong as I have this fourth hand from my sister and even then only piecemeal, she went into normal labour (she was late and due to be induced that day anyway - they were going to break her waters and see if that caused labour - so that may also have happened). Somehow during the birth Daniel got stuck (in the birth canal I assume). They performed an emergency caesarean. Somewhere along the way his heart stopped for 16 minutes (I assume while in the womb which was why they did the caesar). They hooked him up to machines. His heart was beating strongly but he could not breathe by himself but when they monitored brain function it was not normal and they hadn’t even tested liver / kidney function. Basically I think it was a case of the fact that his life functions would not operate without the machines. She said he was a beautiful baby but so very bruised. They spent yesterday afternoon just holding him and saying their goodbyes and now comes the hard part of trying to live their lives without him and without the future that they had envisioned.

This couldn’t have happened to a nicer couple. They got married last year and conceived in Las Vegas while on honeymoon (on their way back to the UK from Australia…they now live in Adelaide).

This is so tragic. I’m sitting here crying while I type this.

Please hug your families everyone and if you believe in God, send a prayer this family’s way. Otherwise, please just send some positive thoughts.

Rest in Peace, Daniel Philip

I don’t even know what to say. That is a terrible thing and I am sorry for everyone’s loss. I can’t offer prayer but I will be thinking about you and yours in the hard days to come.

That is so very, very sad and it is most definately a heartbreaking experience that no one ever envisions or anticipates.

This sounds completely morbid, but I hope they do an autopsy to rule out any bizarre genetic problems. One of my childhood friends had a regular pregnancy and the baby died during delivery. She never did an autopsy, it was too traumatic. Two years later, pregnant with identical twins and an awful pregnancy ( bed rest the entire time just about) she gave birth and it took months for the doctors ( teaching hospital) to figure out why the babies were not thriving. They have Cystic Fibrosis. It is inherited from both parents. If they had done an autopsy it would have confirmed what neither of them knew and they could have had genetic counseling or adopted. My heart breaks for those girls because they will never have a normal childhood or normal friends and the mom is essentially trapped at home as their sole caretaker. Her girls are doing well, but it is a very lonely, uphill battle for the mom.

No one should ever have to bear that. I am so sorry.

I will certainly pray for you and your family, and for the littlest soul on his way to the afterlife. The death of a child is a horrible thing, whether it’s rare or common.

Your anger is natural, and understandable. I just want to counsel you against letting that anger direct your actions right now. Yes, it’s possible that the doctors mismanaged the birth, but from everything you describe, they probably did not. It sounds like the little fellow was just not strong enough to make it, for whatever reasons of his own. Certainly, get some more details if that brings you peace, but please try not to rage at your sister’s husband’s family and please, please don’t bring up “malpractice.” Just love them, and listen to them.

It can feel nice to have someone to blame, but sometimes bad things happen, even with very good doctors. Childbirth still claims lives. It’s a very real danger, even with the best of medical care. Thank God the mother is still alive. This is often the type of situation that claims both mother and baby.

biddee, I’m so sorry.
I don’t know the details (obviously), but it’s not possible to say whether the doctors “probably mismanaged” the situation until you are aware of all the facts. They probably did the c-section as soon as they realised he was stuck. A good surgeon can get skin to baby in less than 5 mins, but if anaesthetic needs to be administered or a patient transferred from a labour ward to an operating theatre, it will take longer, through no fault of the people involved. Some times these things happen, despite everyone doing their best to make sure they don’t.

Bidee I’m so sorry for your loss.

I lost two children in infancy. My first daughter when she was 13 months old was killed in a car accident. My last daughter died 4 days after she was born of a severe birth defect.

The death of a child is something that will change them forever and something that they’ll never quite stop grieving (though it does get easier over time)

Please urge them to contact Compassionate Friends. It’s an organization for grieving parents and IIRC organized by age group so that they can grieve with others who’ve lost children in infancy. It helped me more that I probably even know.

My heartfelt sympathies to your brother in law and his brother and your whole family.

I’m so sorry. :frowning: