Original reanimated thread here. Dirty/groanworthy or whatever, your choice! Likewise original or recycled.
Each person will provide the first line for the next person (after they polish off theirs first of course). Here’s mine:
There once was a hermit named Dave
There once was a hermit named Dave
who spent all his life in a cave.
I once came to visit,
and said to him: “Is it
because you’re reluctant to shave?”
I know, I know, it’s not Shakespeare. Okay, here we go:
There once was a German named Fritz
There once was a German named Fritz
Equipped with mammoth sized bits
The ladies would love it
Til he tried to shove it
Then complain ‘it just doesn’t fits’
And now:
There was a young lady from Dallas…
There was a young lady from Dallas,
Who said, with a good deal of malice,
“My cheap, stingy spouse
Bought this cramped little house.
I really SHOULD live in a palace.”
“A cowboy went down to Laredo…”
A cowboy went down to Laredo
Drunk & got shaved by Geofredo;
But Geofredo was mean
& he shaved that boy clean
Now Nobody calls him Pendejo…
“There once was a geezer from Dade”
There once was a geezer from Dade
Who went to Vegas to get laid
Put his cash on 5
It hit 25
His satisfaction thus was hand-made.
There once was a girl from Nantucket…
There once was a girl from Nantucket
Who rented her vagina for a ducet
She spread her legs real wide
Then the John peered inside
And said “It looks like a bucket, but I’ll fuck it”
There once was a girl in a canoe
:sigh: I thought this was going to be a good thread…
Hrm. I guess I can work with that.
I thought this would be a good thread
But it’s dirty and nasty instead!
It’s all fucking and shaving
And John misbehaving–
And Fritz giving way too much head.
“There once was a young man named Sue…”
Who said, "goddamn, this thing doesn’t scan right!
The emphasis should be
on the next-to-last syllable
and now my rhythm is totally thrown off!
A neighborhood watchman from Sanford…
A neighborhood watchman from Sanford –
What he saw as a threat, he ran to-ward.
Thought the threat was immense,
Used ground-standing defense,
His victim now pines for the fjord.
And…
A flea, and a fly, in a flue…
A flea and a fly in a flue
Were very outspoken, the two
“Is the fireplace lit?
So chilly is it!”
Once it was, neither offered his view.
“A pretty young thing of Khartoum…”
A pretty young thing of Khartoum
Deigned to explore the Pharoah’s tomb
She met with a mummy
And cried for her mommy
But she had no brains to consume
A horrid old hag from Haiti…
There one was a hag from Haiti
Who must be as old as eighty.
She thought she was florid
Instead she was horrid
I feel sorry for her husband the Kuwaiti
A brat from Bengal