So we were visiting my two-year-old nephew and his family over Thanksgiving, and were therefore exposed/subjected to a number of kiddie videos. Blue’s Clues, mostly, but also some of the Baby Einstein series. If you haven’t seen these, they’re actually pretty good. “Good” here being defined as “not so annoying that adults get an unstoppable urge to run screaming from the room”. They have nice music, and the images are engaging enough for a 2yo.
Each video has a theme, of course, which is reflected by the title. I don’t know all of them, but “Baby Doolittle” was about animals, and “Baby Mozart” featured Mozart’s music (duh). But “Baby Newton” did not fit the pattern. It was about shapes. I didn’t really expect f=ma or calculus or the Laws of Motion from “Baby Newton”, but shapes? Isn’t that geometry? Shouldn’t that have been “Baby Pythagoras” or something?
So our nephew’s dad and I were trying to come up with some more “Baby” videos we’d like to see:
“Baby Escher” Gravity-defying four-dimensional spaces
“Baby Dali” Psychadelic landscapes with nightmare images set to a soundtrack composed equally of acid/house and 60’s psychadelic music
Baby Warhol. He draws pictures of stylistic baby food containers.
Baby Saarinen. He builds outlandish structures with common building blocks.
Or maybe Baby Nader, who finds the structural errors in his toys and playpen in not-so-subtle ways…
Baby Oppenheimer: “I am become cranky, destroyer of Lego.”
Baby Eminem. Teaches your child to hate women.
(The Sprout loves those videos. And I love Eminem. Go figure.)
I’d love to see what they’d do with Baby Leary or Baby Hoffman or Baby Goebbels.
Incidentally. my infant son enjoys watching the Einstein and Mozart videos. They are not bad as background noise.
Baby Serrano - Art with diaper contents.
Baby Maplethorpe - Homoerotic photo taking
Exposure to cultures that people who have “Baby Einstein” videos probably never see.
(This was a joke. We have a 2 year old and these are great)
Actually, there are two Doolittles: One for world animals, and one for neighborhood animals.
These videos are maddening from the perspective that you just know any idiot could have shot them. I mean, why didn’t I think of bright happy toys in front of a black velvet background? Think of the piles of money I’d be sitting on now.
My son has the Doolittles memorized. He calls out the animals before they hit the screen.
Baby Garcia - hypnotizes your LSD-drenched child with long, languid, guitar noodling.
Baby Stewart: Shows how to properly fold diapers and place them in nearly labeled baskets lined with hand-marbleized paper.
Baby Bush: Introduces children to the concept of strategery.
I find it eerily appropriate that some-one named Kat proposed the Schrodinger idea. I assume the theme will be to find out if you are alive at the end of the video?
In the music realm, I like thermalribbon’s Baby Garcia idea. I had the similar idea of Baby Hendrix. They have to cover the great modern composers at some point, right?
I think that the shifting patterns of Baby Penrose and Baby Mandelbrot would be very engaging for little kids.
Or they could really try to live up to the series name with:
Baby Hawking: A computer-generated voice explains modern string theory to a sound track of computer-generated random music.