New Chick tracts for Halloween! Get 'em while ya can!!

“Framed,” the stirring story of a guy named Joey, falsely accused of trying to sneak a gun past a lie detector. After listening to his good friend Bob (who once said, “It’s evolution or Jesus, Janet!”) compare his travails to those of Joseph (who owned a colorful coat), he asks Jesus to save his soul. Thirty minutes later, the cops call and say they’ve dropped all charges! Obviously, prayer works!

“The Little Ghost” Simple story, simple art, obviously for children, unlike the sophisticated tracts obviously created for adults. A boy (also named Joey) dressed as a ghost tries to scare a little girl who says she ain’t afraid a’ nuttin’ 'cause she knows Jesus! She leads her friends in prayer, ensuring that their six-year-old souls won’t go to H-E-double-hockey-sticks.

“Turn Halloween into a night of Evangelism” Give Chick tracts along with candy to the trick-or-treaters! Tell 'em the true story of Halloween and how kids are risking their immortal souls by trick-or-treating. Help keep a debunked UL alive:

Read an article written by someone claiming to be “a former witch high priest.”

<kind of a hijack>
There’a a book The World of Chick that any Chick “fan” needs.

The author[sup]1[/sup] exhaustively catalogs every tract and variations within each revision of the tract (Chick updates his material regularly, apparently), gives short synopsis of ALL of Chick’s tracts, even the “retired” ones, and gives about as detailed a biography as is possible.

It’s a pretty good read, and I recommend it to anyone else fasciated by Jack Chick (It also comes with 5 sample tracts, including “This Was YOUR Life” and “This Was YOUR Life” in…um…Swahiili? (You can’t read it, but it’s interenting to note how Chick completely redraws the issue with black characters and the changes in posture, expression and stance that he makes. It’s not racist, really, but it is…I dunno…something.)


[sup]1[/sup] Be prepared, though. The author himself is a Kook. At one point he’s making snotty comments about Jack Chick’s silly superstitious world-view and within a couple of paragraphs says (in essence, and I’m making up the astrology) “But what can you expect from a Scorpio? I cast his horoscope and his moon is in Capricorn so he’s obviously a believer in silly superstitions.” :rolleyes:

So Joey is saved when the cops trace the serial number to the gun’s real owner, huh? Proof that God supports handgun registration!

"Many Christians celebrate holidays, such as Halloween, without thinking about their origins or true meaning. It is impossible to separate Halloween from the Druids because they originated the ‘holiday.’ "

Right, Jack, unlike the pure, wholly Christian idea that is December 25th. :rolleyes: Has anyone seen Jack’s stance on Christmas celebrations with a tree and mistletoe, etc?

Damn this guy is embarassing.

Apparently, Chick fans are delusional.

In what universe does this happen? "Oh, good, a crappy booklet instead of a Baby Ruth, whooppee! :rolleyes:

Either they’re lying or they are seriously tripping.

I’m seriously going to go out on a limb on this one. I didn’t think “Framed” was all that bad. It’s the first one I’ve seen that wasn’t devoted to bashing someone else. For the first time ever, IIRC, it deals with the Torah. There were no bad guys, save for some generic thugs. The story from the torah is actually, for the most part, interpreted correctly.
The only thing I didn’t get was why the whole story about Jesus made an innocent man shake and scream “I’m a sinner!” but, overall, not that offensive. It’s like a new and improved Chick, now with Jesus Lite!

Oooh! Chick tracts! They’re more entertaining than the Sunday funnies, and they don’t even try. Truly amazing. Thanks for the update. . .

[slight hijack]

On the “ex-witch high priest” thing, did anyone notice this link?

I think I’m going to let the link speak for itself…although I would like to add some derisive laughter.

::derisively laughs::

[/slight hijack]

–Gabe, the happy little agnostic

Is it a happy accident that Jack Chick tracts are the same size as pocket-sized Kleenex packages? Cuz the next time I need to wipe my…

Although Chick does urge his followers to take the Christmas season (which according to one mall store I was in today has apparently already started) as an opportunity to pass out tracts and dis Santa Claus, I don’t think he goes far enough in warning decent God-fearing Christians of the Papistical and idolatrous origins of Christmas.

I especially like the line “Servetus roasting in an open fire” from their song “Banish Christmas” (sung to the tune of “Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire”, of course). Ah, Christian love–it brings a tear to my eye every time!

Perhaps they just can’t recognize a sarcastic tone of voice. (“Hey, they’re giving out the good stuff! Let’s go next door now – I hear they’re giving out dental floss! Hooray!”)


All the more reason to be against it. :smiley:


… Ass? Do you really want a Chick Tract that close to your sphincter? I mean, they’re full of enough shit as it is.

Jack Chick tracts are proof that we evolved from lower forms of life. :smiley:

I KNEW all those people at Midnight Mass looked sort of pale… yet strangely they didn’t shy away from the crucifixes all over the place.

Must’ve been Jewish vampires, like in Roman Polanski’s The Fearless Vampire Killers.

Liked that one for kids.
Why on earth do they have the dog and cat praying??
Sadly, my former church has members who actually paste these tracts; Boo!; on bus stops before halloween.

Well…most of us evolved. Some stayed a lower form of life.

Well, shit!
I’m Wiccan and I live in Davenport! Is there anyway to save me now?

What makes me giggle about the whole thing is that they go on about human sacrifice in one sentence, and in the next they talk about how God sacrificed his only son.
The only thing I have ever sacrificed is worn out ideas and stressful things. Not humans, or animals. But, it’s okay for God to.

Oh and jab1, thank you for posting this, I almost forgot to go and get my supply of razor blades, needles, and poison for this years festivities. :rolleyes:

Darn it all!
Just so you didn’t take that wrong I wasn’t rolling my eyes at you jab1.
I know it’s the pit and all, but I don’t want to unintentionaly piss people off. When I choose to piss them off, they will sure as hell know about it I assure you.

Seems like more and more I should be marketing that t-shirt that says:

“We’re not all like that”

Perhaps it’s a perversely Freudian misreading on my part, but am I the only one who misread this caption from the home page: “What happens to Chick’s tracts after you pass them out?” as ”What happens to chicks after you pass out?” I thought maybe the sick bastard was looking at prison time for trafficking in Rohypnol and sexual assault.

You’re welcome. (I realize you rolled your eyes at the accusation that you would do such a thing.)