New "Convert" to Atheism. Religious Parents. Problem.

In My Humble Opinion
21

[QUOTE=featherlou]
So, my husband was right about me not taking communion during one of the wedding or funeral masses we are familially obligated to attend. Or is there a different punishment for those never baptized in any church? He has alluded to bolts of lightning at times.
[/QUOTE]

Well, you can do what my wife did when her friends took her to church once: when they started passing out the eucharist, she said, “All right! Snacks!” And then she expressed regret that she hadn’t brought any salsa.

22

If they’re supporting you financially, they get to make the rules. He who pays the bills has the power.

Suck it up until you can move out.

23

While your parents have the responsibility to train you in the faith, which I assume they did, that time has basically ended as you are not a child anymore. Textbook knowledge of religion does not give you a personal relationship with God, that can ONLY come through the calling of the Father. This is a general Christian principal, so if you haven’t been called you have no way of coming to God - so yea it seems silly to keep this faith w/o the personal relationship.

If you never had such a relationship, then you may try to tell them this, perhaps indicating if God does call you, you will be open to the invitation. As Christians they should understand this.

As a non-believer you can not follow the teaching of the Holy Spirit nor are you bound by the Laws of Moses. Your parents as followers of Jesus should also realize that preventing you from ever sinning again will not save you - but I’m not sure that this last paragraph is good to bring up, but it is according to their faith.

24

[QUOTE=Max Torque]
Well, you can do what my wife did when her friends took her to church once: when they started passing out the eucharist, she said, “All right! Snacks!” And then she expressed regret that she hadn’t brought any salsa.
[/QUOTE]

That seems really rude to me. She isn’t required to believe as her friends believe, or even to respect their belief in a normal situation, but she was in their church during their service or Mass. What she did is equivalent to being offered an unfamiliar food by the host of a dinner party and making a snide comment about how awful it looks or smells instead of politely declining.

25

[QUOTE=NoALittleH]
I will be attending graduate school in the fall, but am living at home for this summer.
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It’s one Summer. Suck it up, or move out.

It’s not that I don’t sympathise with the religion side - I’m an atheist with religious parents myself - but this seems more about having your cake and eating it too.

26

Firstly, I agree with all of the comments saying that primarily it’s the sex that’s the current issue.

However, I also suspect that your parents are blaming your decisions regarding religion for this, and a recurrent theme may well emerge, so you’re going to have to find a way to mitigate the problem (and they’re going to have to accept it, too).

[QUOTE=LSLGuy]
In their minds, religion = morality = sexual rules.
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I agree that this is what is going on. I find it highly objectionable that religion is equated with morality, because the implication is obviously ‘atheism=immoral’. I get very annoyed when the media automatically turn to religious leaders to provide authoritative statements or debate on moral topics.

As you might have guessed, I’m an atheist. My parents were the ones who went through the whole rejection-of-upbringing stuff, and they have always had the attitude that we should be free to think for ourselves. I’m very grateful to them for this.

And I’ve given quite a lot of thought to how to deal with religious ceremonies (pretty much only ever weddings and funerals), and have come to some decisions similar to those of Max Torque. I’ll stand & sit, and I’ll sing hymns (see below), but I draw the line at participating in prayers or responding to them with ‘amen’. I remain silent at these moments. I consider this to be a private action which is not intruding on others – socially it’s not the time to demonstrate my atheism, but nor should I join in rituals where I do not need to. It’s pretty much what would happen if I were to be present at a ceremony of another faith, I suppose, and that seems about right.

(Re. participating in hymns: some people seem to be very surprised that I’ve spent years studying religious music, ‘despite’ my atheism. I don’t see any contradiction, because I’m interested in the music, not the religion. Music has a social role which I personally believe is not inextricably linked to the religion of which it is nonetheless a part. Whether it be a Renaissance mass, or a turgid rendition of ‘We plough the fields and scatter’ (‘Cake or death?’). Also, being able to provide musical contributions to family weddings & funerals has often been a useful way of subtley avoiding the core of Catholic ceremonies in particular, and a number of family members are aware that I’m particularly pleased with this.)

27

>I find it highly objectionable that religion is equated with morality, because the implication is obviously ‘atheism=immoral’. I get very annoyed when the media automatically turn to religious leaders

Amen! Well, you know, hooray! Often CNN will suggest they’re about to do something that may offend their more sensitive viewers, who are advised to use discretion. But they don’t say that when they introduce Faith and Values Correspondent Delia Galligher (sp?). I always figure I’m their only viewer who has never been offended by the disclaimered segments but am highly offended by this. It would help if they could also have a Broadcast Media and Superficiality Correspondent, or a Catholicism and Molestation Correspondent, or a Wolf Blitzer and Silly Little Bulldogs Correspondent. Of course I understand that just having a Faith and Values Correspondent does not necessarily imply that faith and values are somehow connected.

28

[QUOTE=jayjay]
That seems really rude to me. She isn’t required to believe as her friends believe, or even to respect their belief in a normal situation, but she was in their church during their service or Mass. What she did is equivalent to being offered an unfamiliar food by the host of a dinner party and making a snide comment about how awful it looks or smells instead of politely declining.
[/QUOTE]

Well, of course, these were lifelong friends of hers, and she knew their sense of humor and how they’d respond, so, it was taken as the light-hearted jest that it was. If you were among strangers, I wouldn’t recommend the same gag.

29

[QUOTE=pinkfreud]
I had the mirror image of your problem: I was raised as an atheist, and my parents were horrified when I became a Christian. The best advice I can give is that you make an effort to avoid discussing religion whenever possible. Don’t say anything about the difference between your beliefs and your parents’ beliefs, and if your parents bring it up, try to change the subject. I know this may sound as if I’m advising you against having the courage of your convictions, but it is my belief that sometimes the only way to handle disagreements with parents is to weasel out of talking about the disputed matter.
[/QUOTE]

Can I pull you to the side and ask a question (or two)? I am the parent in this situation and have no idea what to do. My husband and I are atheists, and my son (6 y/o) now wants to go to church and has become adamant about being a Christian. We’re OK with it but I can’t stand the constant questions about why we hate god, do we not believe in jesus, stuff like that. How did your parents deal? I don’t want to put him down and I do want him to explore and ask questions, but I don’t want to lie to him. Were you ever hurt by your parents’ denial of your chosen faith? I know he has a long way to go but I think even if he moves away from Christianity, we’ll go through this with different religions as he learns about them.

To answer the unasked question - he has been exposed to religion through his bio-dad’s family, my parents, and church-based daycare. I knew what I was getting into when I sent him there, I just thought I’d have better answers by now!

30

[QUOTE=Max Torque]
Well, of course, these were lifelong friends of hers, and she knew their sense of humor and how they’d respond, so, it was taken as the light-hearted jest that it was. If you were among strangers, I wouldn’t recommend the same gag.
[/QUOTE]

Okay, that’s different. I retract my comment.

31

[QUOTE=ShelliBean]
Can I pull you to the side and ask a question (or two)? I am the parent in this situation and have no idea what to do. My husband and I are atheists, and my son (6 y/o) now wants to go to church and has become adamant about being a Christian. We’re OK with it but I can’t stand the constant questions about why we hate god, do we not believe in jesus, stuff like that.
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Have you considered letting him go to church and getting him the hell out of that daycare center?

32

Some advice from someone who is of a different religion than her parents (I’m Jewish, they’re Christian):

Never bring up religion, morality, or your girlfriend as topics of conversation. If your parents bring up those topics, say some bland stuff and try to change the subject as soon as possible. This goes double if anyone other than your parents (other relatives, friends, etc) is present at the time.

33

[QUOTE=ShelliBean]
Can I pull you to the side and ask a question (or two)? I am the parent in this situation and have no idea what to do. My husband and I are atheists, and my son (6 y/o) now wants to go to church and has become adamant about being a Christian.
[/QUOTE]

I was raised by atheist parents and went through the same thing as a child. Many of my buddies went to church every weekend, and I’d heard a lot of good stuff (camping trips, cookouts, getting to be an immortal flying superhero spirit when I die) and bad stuff (parents are going to hell, I’ll go to hell if I miss church, even more school and studying on Sunday) about this God fellow from other kids.

So my wonderfully unjudgemental parents allowed me to go to church with my best friend, and attend some campouts and activities with the church group. They also made it very clear that it was my own choice about what to do ultimately.

Well, in my eight-year-old mind, all that was happening was that along with some fun stuff, I was getting roped into a whole lot of study and committment that was stealing way too much of my “kid time” riding bikes around the neighborhood, catching grasshoppers, and stomping mudpuddles. I told my parents that, if you and the rest of my family are not going to heaven, then I don’t want to go either. God wasn’t doing anything for me.

So I ended up atheist. I really credit the reason being that my parents didn’t force atheism on me, so I never had the desire to rebel against it.

34

Thanks! That makes me feel better. He sees people going to church and get cookies and plays with his best friend so it’s a lot of fun to him. I try to keep everything on a “believe whatever you want” vibe in the house but I can see that it stresses his mind sometimes.

As far as removing him from that daycare, well he is school age now so it’s not an issue as much but around here one would be hard pressed to find a non-church daycare. Most are run by churches and the ones that are not are usually twice as expensive so it’s not an option for many. We just try to find the ones that are less “churchy” and don’t have a problem with us. It’s been good so far.

Anyway, sorry to take this thread and drag it around then dump you - I got called away by said daycare for the youngest with a fever. I appreciate the comments.