My father is outspoken. Very outspoken. He has been known to summon a manager on the spot when a cashier addresses him by his first name. He leaves no doubt in anyone’s mind that he resents being addressed by his first name by someone he doesn’t know and that he considers the policy to be rude and insulting. He has always assured the cashiers that he doesn’t hold them responsible, since they are only following orders. Maybe we should all do something similar.
I don’t like it either; it’s creepy. Yesterday I had to call a business, and got the following spiel:
Good morning, random business, my name is X, may I have your first name please?
–Uhh, why?
For customer service!
–Look, I just want to know if you provide service Y.
Why would they ask my name over the phone before I even get to talk? Completely bizarre, IMO.
But I don’t understand why Skerri doesn’t like being called ma’am. Isn’t that what cashiers are supposed to be calling us? It’s how I always addressed people when I worked retail…
Two reasons come to my mind.
- Preface: let us not get into an argument over which part of the country is the best (although note I am still transplanted to the South)…
I lived in the North before moving South. As I understand it, in the South, children are taught from a very young age to address every adult as “Ma’am” or “Sir”, as in “Yes, ma’am” or “No, sir”. Ommission of the pronoun would end with 'getting the living tar beaten out of you" (as from a very Southern friend of mine). Hence it is very ingrained into the culture.
Where I lived back North, the use of the word “Ma’am” or “Sir” by a kid was most often accompanied by a sarcastic tone, eye-rolling, sighing, and other actions negating any possible pretense of politeness.
So for me, moving down South was a VERY big culture shock. Whenever anyone addressed me as “ma’am”, I had to remind myself that these people WERE being polite, and that it was ingrained into the culture, and that the kids were NOT being snotty to me.
- Sigh. And this one is getting more and more true: the use of the word “Ma’am” means you are too old to be addressed as “Miss” anymore.
That’s a good point. When we call back people at my sales office (they’ve sent in a response card, this isn’t cold calling), we pointedly do NOT say their name more than once. We only say it at the beginning to find out if we’ve got the right person on the phone. It sounds really tacky and smarmy. Does anyone’s actual friend keep saying his/her name during a conversation?
I don’t like it. I’m not overly fond of my first name (which is Rachel)–I have no particular attatchment to it, at least. Also, it’s a rather common name in my generation. As a result, I often don’t respond. It feels like a stranger’s name.
I’m actually much more comfortable being referred to by one of my three online aliases. People at school call me Sanji often enough. I muchly prefer it.
It would just creep me out if a sales clerk started referring to me as “Rachel.” I mean, right now, there’s this over-the-phone Pizza Hut commercial that starts off with an enamoured guy calling his girlfriend by name. And, of course, her name’s Rachel. Every time I hear it, I start, then I realize that it’s that fucking commercial again.
IMHO, “Sir,” “Ma’am,” or " Miss" work just fine, and are the most polite forms of address in that situation. Anything else is annoying and off-putting.
hate it. you are working, i am shopping…we are not buddy-buddy.
screech-owl, i’m southern enough to know just what you mean. here, everyone is a ma’am or a sir. i’m twenty and my seven-year-old neighbors call me ma’am. i guess maybe i could take offense to it, seeing as how it was intended for older women. but i’d rather be called ma’am than miss. if you are over the age of thirty and you call me miss, i immediately and subconsciously feel as though you’re being derogatory. if you’re twelve, you’re a miss. if you’re older than that, you’re a ma’am.
but i’d rather be called miss than by my name, first or last. yeecch.
One of these sickening, barf-inducing self-help/business etiquette gurus (WHO the hell was it??) said, “Nothing sounds sweeter to a person than the sound of his own name.” (applying to sales situations). The first time I heard that, it had an effect on me like a fingernail scritching across a chalk board. I thought I must be very different, because to me this only sounds sweet when it comes from friends, family and acquaintances, NOT total strangers who are trying to artificially “build a relationship” for no other reason than to sell me something. Well, according to this thread, many people find the practice just as offensive as I do. Nice to be in agreement with the majority for once. 
Personally, i’d prefer not to be addressed by name. Not only is this easier for me, but i’m willing to bet that it makes life more pleasant for the poor sap who has to follow such a ridiculous company policy. You can tell when they say it that cashiers etc. are often even more uncomfortable with the practice than are the customers.
[hijack]I must say that i can’t get quite as worked up as some other people over being addressed by my first name. I hate being called “sir,” and Mr mhendo generally strikes me as too formal.
Also, while i’m fully aware of the long ages of tradition behind the practice, i really don’t know why so many people are sticklers for the idea that you should address your elders as Mr, Mrs, Ms, etc. rather than by their first name. Fuck that. If someone is introduced to me in a social setting, then that person is going to be called by their first name, whether they are older than me or younger (i’m 33). If someone is introduced to me in a professional capacity, then i will use their professional title (Dr., Professor, etc.) or Mr, Mrs, Ms. etc until they they tell me otherwise or until we have reached a level of mutual comfort that allows such conventions to be put aside. But their age will have no bearing on the issue.
I know that some people say it is a mark of respect, but i can easily have respect for someone while using their first name. And i can just as easily think another person is a total jackass even though i’m using a more formal mode of address. And, in case anyone thinks that i may be hypocritical, i also insist that others use my first name and will continue to do so.
As an Australian grad student studying in the US, i’m actually quite intrigued by the widespread insistence on the use of formal titles over here. Back in Australia, we addressed all our university professors by their first names from the time we were freshmen, but in the US a much more formal system prevails and one should wait until asked before using a professor’s first name. I believe this can vary, depending on the school, and, of course, on the individual involved, but in general it’s a clear difference between the two countries.[/hijack]