To Disney:
Your new show, Aaron Stone, looks interesting. So interesting that every boy I’ve encountered has seen it or wants to see it. I know this because the boys in my son’s tae kwon do class are now calling him Aaron Stone. Thank you for taking a great name and turning it into a pop culture catchphrase.
Robin
Who the fuck dirtbikes at midnight? GO TO BED YOU FUCKING TWEEKERS!
God I can’t wait to move.
So yesterday I called Time Warner Cable to cancel my account, now the my DirecTV and DSL accounts are up and running to my satisfaction. I expected to get some degree of pressure to keep the service, such as offers of discounts or suggestions for just reducing my service. But after the third time I said “I am not interested in having any sort of TWC service. I just want to completely cancel my account” why did the service rep keep trying to suggest alternatives? Even more annoying, she kept saying “I can take care of that for you, sir” then there would be a few moments of silence while she was supposedly doing something on her computer, followed by another attempt to convince me not to cancel.
Finally, after assuring me yet again that she could take care of everything, she tells me that the account will be cancelled as soon as I bring TWC’s equipment (receiver and modem) to a service center. So it sounds like she can’t actually cancel the account over the phone. So why the fuck did she waste my time telling me she could help, instead of just saying up front, “You need to bring your equipment to the service center in order to cancel the account.”
This is even more annoying because last summer when I moved my service they were able to cut off the service at the old address just on the basis of a phone call. Except they did it a week early, and when I called to try to get it turned back on, I had to wait three days until they could send a technician to my place.
For the second time in a year, I have hangnails - both times after having a “manicure.”
I used to go for manicures, and the people knew what the everloving hell they were doing. They’d get out the orange stick and push back the cuticle and voila…nicely done nails. These past two times, I’ve sat down at two separate places. And they cut. And they haven’t done a good job or a careful job and the skin has bee cut into, and now, it’s peeling back and tearing and I’m going to have big scabs around my fingernails for a few weeks while it heals and on top of verything, the nail polish job looks like shit.
Is this some kind of trend? Are scabs below the fingernail the in thing these days? Do they not teach how to do nails in cosmetology school anymore? Did I just happen on the worst two “manicurists” in the area?
It should have been a small treat. I can do better myself. Even using my left hand.
Ya know, this is Michigan, metro Detroit specifically. Do not drive up in a Toyota to give me an estimate on windows and doors and spend twenty fucking minutes extolling the virtues of your company because they’re local and put money back into our community. Just don’t, kthkbye.
Rip-off du jour - Alberta Blue Cross only covers “50”% of dental crowns (never mind that they are an expensive and necessary procedure if you want to keep your crappy teeth in your head for a few more years), but I just learned today that the reason I keep owing extra money after my dental insurance was supposed to pay for things is because dentists don’t charge fees from the same schedule that Alberta Blue Cross pays on (they apparently are still using the 1997 Fee Schedule). So my “50”% coverage for a crown is actually more like 45% coverage, leaving me holding the bag for another $649.50. If you’re going to use a 1997 Fee Schedule, why not just use a 1957 one? You’re only 12 years out of date now. Why even pretend you’re paying 50% when you can’t be bothered to keep up with what dentists are actually charging?
Okay, got one. I had to go get some cold weather clothes for my grandma’s funeral a couple of weeks ago (I live in FL, she died in NH). Went to JC Penney to get some jeans, woke up the next morning to pack, noticed that the &^%#@ antitheft dye packs were still on the @#%^& jeans. Had to spring for a couple more pairs when I got to NH. Got the *@&#^$% things taken off today, manager was very apologetic. I don’t know how you get a job in a place like that and don’t bother to learn how to take those **@@^^$$# dye packs off each and every time you sell something.
One more time, motherfuckers – YOU are selling a product. If YOU don’t know how big it is, how the godsdamnedfuck am I supposed to know if it will fit in a particular box? Do not fucking say to me, “it’s a child’s tea set” as if it should be self-evident what the dimensions are. I am not a fucking child. While I do have several tea sets, they range in size from thimble-sized cups, to cups that hold about an ounce all the way up to Her Majesty could sip tea with me happily for hours size. Plus, a “tea set” could be 4 cups, a pot, a sugar bowl and a creamer or it could be 8 cups, 8 saucers, teapot, creamer, sugar and spoons or…you get my point. Well, Dopers get my point – you, my moron fucking cuntstomer, do not. When you get angry because I cannot tell you whether the item (you know, the one YOU will be selling) will fit in that box or not, and tell me “I will just call tomorrow, maybe someone else knows more about the products you sell than you do!” I laugh to myself because shy of the people who do the trade shows and the photography here, I know more about my products than just about anyone else – all fucking tens of thousands of them. Godsdamned moron. Don’t even let me get started on Purim.
Damn it people, my dog died a week ago, please stop trying to foist your strays on me. I don’t want your dog, I want my dog. I miss her terribly and I really don’t need to have to defend why I don’t want your stray. It isn’t the breed I would want and/or it isn’t the gender I would want and lastly I want MY dog. The flowers the vet sent me haven’t wilted yet, I am still paying for trying to save her and they aren’t interchangable. Please,please stop.
Had her 13 years and she had been heart failure for 6 months. Doesn’t matter, it still is painful.
Fucking campus. Build a parking deck. We don’t need a new, fancy cafeteria. Also, sell those arbitrary flat-screen TVs hanging in the hallway for the purposes of displaying the school logo. Your food is greasy and expensive. My poo hasn’t had any integrity since the semester started.
For what I dearly wish could be the last time: dear condescending asses who believe otherwise, humor is not an argument.
I’m certain that, as always, your latest retort is both sublimely insightful and devastatingly scathing. What it is not, however, is an actual refutation of any of the various points the other party has made thus far. Contrary to what you might wish, you do not come out on top of a debate simply by causing any nearby observers to yell “OOOH, BURN!”. You also have to posit some semblance of a point yourself, make logical arguments for the truth of that point, and provide evidence of presupposed facts where requested.
Responding to a sincerely presented argument with an insult just makes you a dick, regardless of how funny you (or anyone else) thinks you are. Kindly knock it off. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to showcase your ample wit in more appropriate situations.
With that, I eagerly await the unparalleled levity of the incisive satire sure to be found in the first response to this post. Better be some quality shit; we’ve got standards to keep around here, y’know.
That sucks and I’m sorry people don’t get it.
You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
The problem is that Alberta dentists don’t have a set fee schedule. Up until a couple of years ago (when I got laid off from that particular company) I saw a notice posted every year at the company I worked for from Blue Cross saying something to the effect that their reimbursement schedule covered the fees charged by x% of dentists (where x was well over 50, but I don’t recall the exact percentage). They currently say “For 2009, Alberta Blue Cross will pay your dentist a weighted average of 5.4 per cent more than last year for dental services covered through your plan.”.
For the love of fuckety fucking god, if you own a big ass SUV do not parallel park 18 inches from the curb in the last space before a parking lot driveway. Do you think we can see the oncoming traffic through your gas-guzzling global warming machine when we’re trying to get back on the road?
Let me guess. You go to Shippensburg. 
The latest bug up my ass:
Dear Tae Kwon Do Mom:
I am aware that your pwecious snowfwake goes screaming apeshit if anyone touches his toys but him. But for the love of God, pick them up before someone trips over them and turns an ankle, like I almost did today.
Robin
I don’t have the energy to get into the details, but goddammit I fucking hate stupid people. Just shut the fuck up. You don’t have a fucking clue and never will. Argggghhhh.
Thank you, I feel better now.
Well, that’s what the thread’s here for, KSO, so, welcome .
That said, I didn’t expect for this to be the only mini-rants thread for 2009, just the first. If anybody wants to start one in March, I’ll ask for this one to be closed…
This is pretty mini, but it irritates me a little when people insist on spelling my name wrong. It’s right there in my response to you, just like it has been the last 50 times - open your frickin’ eyes and LOOK at it! Yes, I know my name is commonly spelled without an e; my particular name is spelled WITH one. It is not interchangeable; as Data on Star Trek said, one is my name; the other is not.