I brought home a new cat today. He’s called Enzo and he’s lovely. He’s 15 weeks old and was born semi-feral but had been socialised in the shelter for the last 4 weeks. He’s not a big fan of being carried or anything, but he’s fairly sociable.
At least, I thought we were getting on fine. He was being shy and hiding behind a box but I was stroking him and he came up and kissed me and headbutted me. I thought we were off to a good start.
I had to carry him to show him where the litter tray and his food bowl are. He didn’t like that very much and I felt like I was betraying his trust since we’d just been all pally and here I was making him be carried.
He’s getting braver now and is exploring downstairs. He loves the mouse on a string toy. But the minute he realises I am close, he runs away. And just now, I moved towards him slowly on my hands and knees so as not to intimidate him, and he hissed at me
Does he hate me now? How can I be friends with him again?
Oh, he needs a few days to get used to you and recognize your smell. It’s only been a day, and his poor little kitty-brain is still fried from the move. Be quiet and gentle and give him time.
Some cats (my Lillian) never become lap-cats and never like being picked up.
Let him come to you. He’ll warm up to you at his own pace. Another little trick I use is to pick them up shortly after I put perfume on. They seem to relate to me better after they’ve smelled it for a while when I’m not around. Go figure.
Our Shiloh is another who doesn’t like being picked up. She will allow me to pet her if she’s sitting or lying, but picking her up drives her crazy, and she struggles to get away. Kind of odd, really, because she had to be hand-raised (by me), and I well remember how she used to “meep” to be picked up and given her bottle. Things changed, obviously.
Some like it, some don’t. They’re all different.
But I’d give Enzo a little time. He’s in a new home where nothing is familiar, and he needs to sort everything out for himself first. By all means, take the time to play with him if he seems interested, and make sure he knows where his litter box and food are, but otherwise, just let him get used to his new home and to you too. I’m sure he will eventually be fine.
Just to check - you may not want to give Enzo the run of the house for a few days. He should probably stay in one or two rooms, so he won’t get lost and not be able to find the food/litterbox. Besides, an entire new house is scary when you’re so tiny.
Try staying in the room with him, but not moving towards him or doing anything that he might see as threatening. You could read aloud to him or talk to him, so he gets used to the sound of your voice.
Don’t push. He’s still getting used to being around people, and he’s had everything and everybody he’d gotten used to taken away today. That’s a hell of a lot to take in, and he’s probably just overwhelmed at the moment. Right now, approaching him is like trying to make friends with a 4 year old who’s been at Disney World all day, has missed his nap, and is late for his dinner. It just ain’t gonn happen. A little time, space and rest should do him a world of good.
And, of course, cats are moody little boogers sometimes. Even the sweetest, cuddliest, most affectionate cat will go through spell of being pissy and hissing and swatting at stuff before running up to you and demanding petting. That’s just part and parcel of having a cat around the house.
One thing you might try is to raid the dirty laundry and put some of your clothes down in the floor sort of near him and let him explore those for a bit. It’ll help him get used ot your smell at his own pace without feeling threatened.
He doesn’t hate you - he’s just settling in. You’ve already gotten good advice in the thread on restricting him to a room or two and letting him come to you.
When I got my kittens at 16 weeks, they were both very shy. I didn’t see them except when they’d pounce on the bed at night. After a few days, they got over it and started to approach me more and more. They’re 13 now and are still very shy around other people, but never around me. One likes to be held or sit on my lap, the other not so much (but he loves to be petted).
I’ve discovered he loves the sound of my voice. If I lie down and talk to him, he comes up and kisses me on the mouth and then he’ll let me scratch him. He’s adorable. But very loud!
No pictures just yet - the flash startles him. But rest assured there will be!
I have three cats, two don’t mind being picked up, but one - Abby - hates it. She will not allow herself to be picked up, but if I am sitting down she is the first one to jump up and snuggle in on my lap. She is very lovable, but it has to be on her terms.
He’s cute - looks sort of like a baby version of my Jake.
I’ve had Jake and Scout, both 2 1/2 for about six weeks now, and they still have moments. Scout sometimes wants to be held, but Jake doesn’t like to be picked up at all, even though he likes to walk across my lap quite often.
They spent the first week hiding under my bed, only coming out to eat, drink or poop. Scout was nervous enough about being in a new place that she also spent the first evening puking up what she had eaten. Apart from being cat like, they’re now as affectionate as anything. When they want to be.
Pictures eventually - I don’t have a digital camera, so I’m trying to use up a roll of film so I can have some to put up.
When I’m with my cat and he watches all the pretty girls go by-y-y (meow-ow-ow)
And I feel so hurt deep inside I wish that I could die (meow-ow-ow)
Not a word do I sa-a-y, I just look the other wa-a-a-a-ay
‘cause that’s the way cats are (that’s the way cats are)
That’s the way cats are (that’s the way cats are)
When he treats me rough and he acts as though he doesn’t really ca-a-are (meow-ow-ow)
Well I never tell him that he is so unfair (meow-ow-ow)
Plus he loves me and I know it but he’s just afraid to sho-o-o-o-ow it
‘cause that’s the way cats are (that’s the way cats are)
That’s the way cats are (that’s the way cats are)
I was going to say to give him a few days, but other people beat me to it. Rule number one for cats: They Do Not Like Change. Rule number two: They Are In Charge.
Oh, he’s adorable!! I have 3 cats as well; Spook is my lap cat, always asking to be petted, Molly will allow herself to be picked up and petted, but only on her terms, and Willow, forget it! She will allow a stroke of 3, but she HATES being picked up, and will struggle to get free. She will also hide from strangers. They all have their own purrsonality quirks!
Oh, he’s adorable!! I have 3 cats as well; Spook is my lap cat, always asking to be petted, Molly will allow herself to be picked up and petted, but only on her terms, and Willow, forget it! She will allow a stroke or 3, but she HATES being picked up, and will struggle to get free. She will also hide from strangers. They all have their own purrsonality quirks!
i see he is a tuxedo cat. i have two of those, nod the naughty and malenka the miraculous. neither are snuggly cats. from talking to others that have tuxedos they seem to be a bit standoffish. they like to be seen, not touched. malenka tolerates petting more than nod. nod poses all around the house. she will walk out the kitchen, strike a pose; hop up on the back of the couch, strike a pose; walk half up the stairs, strike a pose; etc.
winken the wonderful who is all black is ms cuddily. she loves to sit with you, and snuggle up, and loves to be combed.
See, after stories like this, I was really nervous about bringing home my kitties. But both of them, as soon as I opened the box they popped out and owned the place. Of course, when I brought Pixel home Dot sulked on top of the fridge for a few days, but now they’re partners in crime. Pixel is my lap/chest/face kitty who never wants to be put down. She’s on my lap right now. Dot will come over and love me, but only on her own terms, and never when Pixel’s there. Ahhhh, kittens.
