Oh yeah? I sliced my hand open on a piece of grass. Granted, it was a big piece…but still.
I broke the second smallest toe on my left foot twice. Once I walked into another person’s foot and once I walked into the door jamb. I broke a bottom front tooth from clicking my teeth down too hard in the wrong way (still not sure how).
One of my cats got into the ceiling in the basement (don’t ask) and I was trying to get him out. The chair I was standing on broke, so I jumped onto a shelf, which also broke. It was like an episode of the Three Stooges, except my kneecap and ankle are bruised black. What a dork…
…and the cat was fine. Of course.
But he uses his fingers now.
Standing to pull on a pair of pj pants, I lost my balance and bonked my head on the wall. So I then sat down to pull them on the rest of the way. When I stood up I caught my foot in the bottom and stumbled for maybe four feet before bonking my head on the wall again.
I’ve mentioned this here before, but I once slipped on a teeny leaf. My feet flew out behind me and I landed smack on my chest. I nearly popped my boobies like living bubble wrap and was sore for a week.
I was sitting on the floor with my back against my couch channel flicking, found what I wanted and made to toss the control back onto the couch, misjduged the shot, hit myself inthe face, broke my glasses and had to be rushed to hospital to get a splinter out of my eyes. I did this last week.
mm
I think mamboman takes the cake.
As for me, well…one time I was drinking a can of Pepsi and totally missed my mouth. I poured the can right onto the front of my shirt. The weird thing is, I don’t think I was even trying to take a drink at the time. I just poured it on myself.
Another Pepsi-related incident. It was icy outside and I was running in from the garage to the house. We keep the drinks in another fridge out in the garage and I was running because it was below freezing out. Anyway, my foot his the stairs that led to the back door and I tripped and fell, catching my arm on a decorative metal spike on the gate. When I fell, I managed to somehow twist around and hit my head on the stair that I had slipped on. Tore a nice little gash in my arm.
Somehow, this made me laugh hysterically. Perhaps it was the usage of the word “bonk”.
Once I almost cut the tendon of my finger. How? I was trying to cut wooden skewers with kitchen scissors, and held the damn things with my poor little finger directly in the path of the blades. Durrr…
You klutzes!
I only get sports injuries…
Like the time I smashed and bloodied up my hand playing air hockey. :smack:
My mother did something like this once, only with a full mug of hot tea. She has some sort of jaw problem and a habit of, if there’s a hot mug in her hands, sort of holding it against the side of her jaw if it’s hurting. She was trying to do this, but in the process, tilted the mug as if she were going to drink from it (got confused, I guess). That’s what she said, at least. To all of us, it looked a lot like she just decided to dump hot tea in her lap.
Once, from the top tier in a tiered lecture hall, I fell asleep in one of those desks and ended up five tiers down, directly in front of the lecturer, still in the desk. No other desks or people were misplaced. The hall was full. Just call me the pin-ball wizard.
Hee!
I was walking through an empty, flat parking lot. I stepped on something invisible–there was nothing, I say nothing, to trip on–and it threw off my walking balance just enough that I ended up pinwheeling forward, my arms wheeling in big circles in a frantic effort to stay upright, lurching faster and faster in larger and larger off-centre strides, inevitably heading toward planting myself in the pavement, when I finally recovered. It must have looked very stupid, but I was so glad the parking lot was empty and no one saw.
Except for the trucker waiting by the loading bay door.
Paper cuts are nothing on brand-new-file-folder cuts. Yeeeouch.
Also? Paper cut on the lips from careless envelope licking? Sign me up for that one.
Falling up stairs? No problem.
Falling down stairs? No problem. A few weeks ago, I decided to fall down the shallow stairs leading to our back yard patio. I landed quite painfully, knees first. Right knee was completely bloody, bright red. Left knee went into the plants. Bright green.
I could have gone downtown and directed traffic with high kicks. Red, green, red, green…
Catch me with PMS, and I will literally, walk into doors and walls. My judgement of spacial relations, along with my hand-eye coordination just… disappear for a few days.
This one happened years ago . Many , many years ago , and only I knew it was klutziness at it’s finest , all the observers thought I was some sort of equestrian actrobat .
I was 18 or 19 , so that puts this at 1978 or '79 . I was boarding my horse at a nice local stable , and it was a lazy Sunday afternoon . I had ridden for a while , and given Star a bath , so he was beautifully clean and shiny . And slick . Can’t forget slick . I was letting him graze on a long line in the yard beside the barn , and decided I would just get up on him and sit , so I did . The sun was warm , the horse was relaxed , the breeze was nice . There were several strangers there a short distance away , talking to the stable owners , I assume about boarding or some such business . I never found out .
I decided to lay back on Star’s back , so I did . Mmmm… comfortable . I closed my eyes , just enjoying the peace of the moment . Star was relaxed , too , and he rested one hind leg , you know the way horses will , dropping the hip with the hoof tip touching the ground .
I still don’t know exactly how it happened , but I started sliding . Not sideways , off him , but backward . I tried to catch myself , but somehow or another , I did a summersault off him , over his tail , and landed standing perfectly on my feet behind him . I looked up and the entire group of people were suddenly silent , staring right at me . Star had turned his head and was staring at me with a wad of grass hanging out the side of his mouth .
I gave my best ‘I meant to do that’ tilt of the head , picked up his lead rope and took him back in the barn . Not every fat klutz in the world can do something like that . 
I was playing with my 14 month old grandson Blake a few nights ago when he fell and heal of his hand hit me in the left eye. The swelling has gone down but the black mark under my eye will be with me a few more weeks.
On the say day last week, I managed to stub all of my toes on a grocery store cart that was moving away from me, to the point of drawing blood. Then, as I washed dishes, a stray chunk of dry spagetti stabbed me and embedded itself under my thumbnail, again drawing blood and making me curse out loud. I don’t normally do that when I’m alone. Then I flopped down on my futton while talking to my boyfriend on the phone. I thought gee, I can relax and it’ll all be good. At that point I stretched out my leg, kicked a glass off the end table and spilt soda everywhere. My boyfriend asked if everything was all right or did he call at a bad time. No, I’m just busy destorying my apartment and rendering myself incapable of moving. Not to worry.
I nearly broke toes while walking down some stairs. See, I thought there was one more stair than there really was.
Just today I tried t go up a stair that wasn’t there. Well, it was, but it was level with the ground just in front of it.
I broke my elbow stepping up onto a curb.
Dweezil had a serious arm-break while attempting to get to a standing position on the playground equipment. The bottom step of the playground equipment. That was the day I knew he had not been switched at the hospital.
I once ran over my own foot with a car I was trying to back up in the driveway without getting in. (Steel toed boots came in handy that day)
Also, currogated cardboard produces dramatic “paper” cuts.
I managed to trip myself up stairs and then down stairs, both at the same go. Running up the stairs, got my toe caught in the shag pile – tripped up three steps. And then, of course, lost my balance, and came crashing all the way down to the bottom. Only problem was, the pivot point had been my big toe caught in the carpet. While at the bottom of the steps, I looked at the toe, and it was nearly twisted 180 degrees. Ended up just twisting it around to the correct position … SNAP! owie-owie-owie! Still is crooked to this day.