Found them on eBay in 2 minutes. I assume you mean Mens 8.5? However, many dudes (and dudettes) can easily and comfortable wear shoes a half-size larger, too.
Not sure that I qualify as “smart doper”, but you are correct.
The simplest form of your logic is ‘the number of beans that are not red, plus two’. Then it doesn’t matter how many of each color there are, as long as there are at least two red ones.
Fucking sciatica. Yes, it’s mostly my own fault, for constantly carrying a heavy bag on my one hip to work everyday. It still sucks, though.
Oh, and if Buffy doesn’t stop using my hamper as a scratching post, I’m going to have a nice new pair of fur slippers.
Chapter 12 in the saga of our new house:
Dear previous owner,
When you finally vacated the premises, (four days later than you were supposed to and incompletely), you let us know that you left some handy things such as a few (urine soaked) rugs (that were quickly hauled outside to finish decomposing), some (ratty) wooden furniture (with half the veneer chipped off), a set of french doors you had picked up second hand (that do not nor will they ever fit anywhere in the house), and three antique mantles (that specifically were to be included with the house as stated prior to our making an offer, which you then attempted to sell of on Craigslist along with the antique clawfoot bathtub).
What you failed to mention is that you also left behind FLEAS.
Fleas which have been feasting on my dog and cat, and now on me.
And why am I suprised? You had seven cats and a poorly mannered dog, all intact, when I first viewed the house. You found homes for three of the cats, but then a litter of four was born on your couch three weeks before closing. You are an irresponsible pet owner, and no, I do not want one of the kittens.
Thank merciful heavens for Frontline.
Will the programmers and designers of those self checkout terminals modify them to NOT GIVE A FUCK what I do with the item after I have scanned it?
Unexpected item in bagging area.
Unexpected item in bagging area.
Unexpected item in bagging area.
Unexpected item…’
More than once I’ve thrown my groceries back in the cart to go to a live human checker.
Also, an automated age check would be good for when my purchase includes alcohol.
Dear Pushy Asshole,
Stop badgering my work study. She does not get paid enough money to deal with your disrespectful crap. When you push her past her (admittedly high) threshold for stupidity, she will call me over and I will drop the hammer on you. And cough on you. There’s no reason to be a jerk to someone just because they’re 18. I bet you’re a dick to servers too.
Best,
Me.
It’s the security system. After you scan something, the computer then waits for the scale on the bag area to register that you put it on there. If you put something else there, it screws it all up. And seeing as the potential for theft at a self-checkout line is high, the system is necessary.
We’ve decided we want a second child. After trying for a few months, and starting to wonder if we had some problem, we just found out that I’m pregnant. I called my mom to tell her, and the first thing she did was to bring up my previous miscarriage, and declare that she couldn’t get excited about this for a few months. Thanks, Mom. I guess I should be thankful that she didn’t throw in a comment about how I’m too fat as well.
Forgot to add my own rant. :smack:
Fuck you, Nero! (The software program, not the Roman emperor…though I’m sure he was a dick, too.) When I installed you, I said not to associate yourself with ANY of the file types you wanted to. Which, near as I can tell, was ALL of them. Seriously, a program I will only use to burn CDs/DVDs wanted to be my default image viewer, media player, audio program, and everything else. Jesus-Christ-Almighty, since when did every software company decide their program needs to do EVERYTHING?! You know what the original Nero did? Burn CDs. Just stick with that, you’re good at it. I find it highly unlikely that whatever crap-ass bloated media plater you crammed in their is better than my Media Player Classic. But, to your credit, when you finished installing, you WEREN’T associated with any file types. Hey, you did something right!..sort of. While you weren’t the default program for any of those file types, you still decided to change the fucking icons of all those file types! So now, rather than the icon I like for my .avi, .mpg, .mp3 files, I have some stupid one your designers thought up. WHY?! Who the fuck is in charge over there that they thought that the average user would LIKE to have their personal options overwritten with NO warning or option to not have it done?
Fuck you. I know have to go into my folder->options tab, and scroll down the list and find EVERY file type you managed to change the icon for and change it back to what it was…which, BTW, is a very lengthy process. I won’t go into the details here, ut if you’ve ever had to change the icon of a file type, you know it’s tedious. And I now have to do it for a dozen or so file types at least. :mad:
I was driving to work this morning, listening to the radio and not thinking of anything much when I saw an old woman walking a dog near my home. The dog was a nice-looking, frisky, border collie, and I smiled at the woman and the dog when my reverie was shattered as she yelled at me “Slow down!”
Now, let me explain something. The speed limit on that road was dropped from 25 mph to 15 mph a year or two ago. At the time, I think I was doing about 20 mph, since I’d checked my speedometer shortly before. It’s a downhill stretch and it’s easy to go above 15 mph. It’s a 2 lane road with a parking lane on the far side. There are sidewalks on either side separated from the road by a stretch of grass and trees a few feet wide. When she yelled at me, there was a car about a block ahead of me, another car about a block behind me, and no cars coming towards me. She was also the only pedestrian in sight.
I may not have handled it well. When she yelled “Slow down!”, I obeyed. I dropped my speed dramatically and came to a brief stop, not believing what I’d heard. I admit I wouldn’t have done that if there were a car behind me, but I wonder if she’d have yelled that if there had been one.
Thank you, dear lady. I was having a pleasant morning, thinking nice thoughts about the world in general and you in particular when for some reason, you decided to intrude. I understand frustration and the desire to yell at the world. I’m sure my current job will inspire that at least once today, the way things have been going. Still, you decided to take out your frustration on a neighbor who you’ve never met and had no reason to think anything but good of you until you intruded on the pleasantness of her morning like sour milk in a nice cup of coffee. May both of our days improve. I think they need to.
Can I do two mini-rants in one post, if I “sell” the second as “FREE”? You know, twice as much mini-rant for the same amount of money.
First, to my kidneys, fuck you. No, really, fuck you hard. When and why did you decide that you must create stones almost non-stop? Do you really think I don’t have enough to occupy my time without trips to the ER, trips to surgery for cystoscopies? And of course, in the two weeks between the trip to the ER (Thursday before last) and the trip to surgery (this coming Friday), the fucking stone is still there, keeping me on drugs, and unable to function above a minimal level. I’m warning you right now, I’m looking for new kidneys on eBay, and as soon as I find them, your sorry asses are gone, even if I have to buy a do-it-yourself kidney removal kit.
To the kids across the street: I know you have needs (batteries, band aids, electrical tape, whatever). I know you don’t have this stuff in your house. But for fuck’s sake, I’m sick (see previous mini rant). Please, for the love of all that is good in the world, stop knocking on my door six times a day to see if I have what you need, and can either loan or give it to you!
Truly a mini-rant:
Why does it hurt so bad when you (I) bend a fingernail? I took a shower, washed my hair, dropped the towel on the floor, and then went to grab the towel again. The act of grabbing my towel caused intense pain to shoot from my fingertip, because my fingernail had bent. It’s not fair. Longish fingernails look nice, but they can cause great pain.
WHY can’t people keep their dogs off of my flowers? We have a tree in that space between the sidwalk & the street, which I have completely surrounded by day lillies. When they are all blooming, it looks really nice. For some reason this year, there are a lot of dogs who want to trample on them, and their owners/whoever is walking them just lets them do it! I have about 15 stalks left, instead of the 100 or more I usually have.
I was sitting on my porch last week when one woman walked by, and her dog went charging in there. I asked her to please not let her dog trample my flowers. Her response? “That doesn’t belong to you, anyway, it belongs to the village.” Technically, she is correct, that space from the sidewalk from the street DOES belong to the village…but we still have the responsibility to maintain it…the village sure as hell doesn’t come and plant flowers on it! Grrrrrr.
I know this is so not the place for it, but
CONGRATULATIONS!!
I have been doing “quality assurance” for over 15 years. I used to be the classmate/dormmate with perfect spelling who was asked to verify the spelling and grammar on other people’s reports; later I would review grant proposals and articles for the other researchers in my group; I was in the QA lab (auditing the ISO 9000 procedures and doing QA for Production) of several companies, at several levels, for several years.
The whole point was always “is what I’ve done correct,” not “have I followed all the steps that were defined by someone who didn’t do reality.” When I found a place where reality and the procedure didn’t match, we usually updated the procedure, we didn’t try to argue with the laws of physics.
Now I do “my” version of QA for some programmers. They write the program, I verify whether it does or not what it’s supposed to do; I also verify that when they fix B it doesn’t somehow (and don’t ask me about the logic these programmers use) manage to break unrelated points A, D and F.
And later some people do QA for me. All they do is verify that I have put initials on those pages that say “initial”, dates where it says “date” and sign where it says “signature.” They don’t verify that I’ve looked at things, they don’t verify that the content of the different documents actually matches… all they do is look at my i’s to ensure they’re dotted and my t’s to ensure they’re crossed. Or perhaps it’s the other way 'round.
They always, always, always return the stuff to me. Today, their remarks said “verify that signer is indeed Nava.” Let’s see, you unbred child of a skinless toad and a ball-less pink unicorn, if the signature says “Nava,” the all-caps name indicated is “NAVA”, and you already have about 50 documents of mine with the same damn signature, who do you think signed it, my mother? She’s in Spain, you freaks, she’s not going to be coming over to forge my signature. Which anyway she can’t.
Who the hell thought that this improves our performance in any way? The only way those jobs make sense is if all the people holding them are related to someone close to the Don…
Another driving rant, from this morning. This one requires a small bit of explanation.
There is an intersection in town, with a traffic light, that is right before the Interstate. Thus, if you are approaching that intersection from the street I live on and you want to make a right turn, you can:
- Turn right into the most right-hand lane, which is the on-ramp for the interstate going West;
- Turn right into the center lane, which takes you across the interstate overpass and straight down the road; or
- Turn right into the left-most lane, which takes you across the interstate and then into a left-turn lane, where you can turn left onto the on-ramp for the interstate going East.
Doing the third requires you to make that right turn into the left-most lane, which is actually illegal, or to turn right and then merge left very, very quickly. Even though it is legal to turn “right on red” in my state, either of these maneuvers are very hard to do in the face of traffic approaching rapidly from your left (i.e., the traffic you must merge with).
So: To the shit-for-brains who was behind me in the right-hand turn lane at a red light this morning: NO, I am not going to turn right onto the Interstate West on-ramp. I don’t want to take I-West; I want to take I-East. There is too much traffic to allow me to turn right and then merge left; I will just be swept onto the Interstate West by the flow of traffic, and it’s two miles down the road to the next exit to get off again. So you can lay on your horn as if you’ve had a heart attack and fell on it, but I will continue to squat in this lane until the traffic clears or the light changes, so I can make that right turn and then move left safely. If this means you are 30 seconds later for the house fire or coronary bypass surgery you are no doubt rushing to, too damn bad. I require you to smooch my left buttock, and also to cut back on the caffeine in the morning.
On the one hand, she was right. On the other hand, she’s an asshole. If someone is trying to make your neighbourhood look nicer, you say thank you very much and keep your damned dogs and kids off of it. Maybe you should follow her to her house, and crap up her village green space. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind, since it isn’t hers, anyway. 
I remembered what I wanted to rant about - the current use of the word “literally.” I hear people using this word literally a thousand times every day. There are other words in the English language - we do not need to just pick one that we like and use it to death. Other words you can use in place of poor, tired ol’ literally: really, actually, often, vastly, immensely, absolutely, certainly, indisputably, truly, madly, deeply, etc. There are literally hundreds of them. Dig a little deeper, people. Expand that vocabulary.
I hate it when people post obsurely about personal shit and don’t explain, but I’m going to do it anyway, so there.
Several years ago, a female I know made a very bad personal decision. There was a big stink at the time, and I was on the front lines of condemning her. Now, a female friend of mine made pretty much the exact same bad personal decisions - there may be slight differences, but I don’t know about them - and I’ve been turned into a complete hypocrite. I told her gently that it was a really bad idea, and she agrees and won’t do it again, but…
So either I’m a huge annoying hypocrite or I have to despise a friend of mine. Why can’t people NOT MAKE FUCKING STUPID DECISIONS, DAMMIT?
Thanks!
Will you be my mom?