Blindfolded Chainsaw Fencing.
Hundred-yard teabagging? I wouldn’t cut my nuts in half to teabag someone at a paltry 100 yards, so why do you think any actual olympic athlete would?
No no no. It’s a tandem event. Like two-man luge, but with testicles.
Limbo and of course Sex.
Somewhere out there, there is a young Barbados Slim waiting to be found…
Chariot Pole Vaulting
Not work safe, well the video is but the site isnt
http://cibertrix.smartvideochannel.com/media/playvideo.aspx?f=flash7&cid=BF4384331D9145BA8428F9137C3BE42D&v=category&catId=531&catDesc=Sports
inspired by that video but it should be more on purpose
I hate any and all sports with a passion. I make an exception for the OLYMPICS. I love it all from boring swimming to boring running to, boring tennis!(HOW CAN THAT BE ALLOWED). But I love gymnastics, equestrian, shooting and rowing (go Kiwi!..rowing).
I hate all sports but the olympics are different, I love the pagentry more then the games.
Sixteen-meter Australian Rules Clusterfucking
Pistol dueling (classical, and cowboy-style).
Jousting.
Elephant polo.
Chicken (Road and Aerial classes).
Relay Mumbley-Peg.
Pankration.
Women’s Balisong (Team).
Synchronized Neutral Bouyancy Simulator-ing.
Lesbo-Roman Wrestling.
Human Salamander (Fire breathing, eating, and dancing).
The hundred-meter men’s being-eaten-by-a-crocodile competition.
/Jerry Maguire ON/ You had me at mud wrestling! /Jerry Maguire OFF/
Leper Red Rover.
It’s spelled with a U :o
Rythmic gymnastics replacing the stick/ribbon combo with a dildo.
And let’s not forget the big soccer match between the Ancient Greek and 18th-20th C. German philosophers. That Archimedes, what a striker! 
Some great suggestions here, but I still think it’s hard to beat the old ‘jokey’ suggestion of ‘catch the javelin’. I think this would be great.
Mime hunting
Javelin duck hunting
Clown parachuteless target sky drops
I’m all about sports that the US is destined to win. I could care less how entertaining it is.
Magic the Gathering
“We know where the weapons are” UN speaches
Watching episodes of reality TV (The amount of weight you gain sitting on the couch eating Domino’s pizza is a big portion of your score.)
Beer chug
Running up debt on your credit card race
Greco-Roman Wre…ahh, to hell with it - gay anal sex.
[Or better yet...](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4cdLmHlNOk)Okay, now that the Games are well underway, perhaps we can come up with a few more?
Tickle-torture Weightlifting. Each weightlifter will, from the end of the “clean” phase of his or her lift until the termination of the jerk (successful or not), be tormented by a feather scritched along his ribcage. To physically protect the tormentor, the feather will be attached to a 2m.-long pole.
Urban Cycling… with clueless pedestrians as obstacles. Now with more collisions and pile-ups!
Short-Track Cycling… with tollbooths. At each revolution of the track, a rider must pitch the right coinage into one of a series of baskets. To make this extra challenging, each rider is given the same combination of coins at the beginning of the race, liberally salted with useless pennies, nickles and the odd arcade slug.
Hollywood FX Dressage – how well can an equestrian control his or her horse with flash bombs, air cannons, pyro pots, and squibs detonating around them? This event is not approved by the ASPCA or PETA – but given the nature of the Chinese government, what are those pissant little activist do-gooders going to do about it?
“Shark Week” in the Rowing Pond. Feel free to have a picnic on the grassy banks, and bring the kids!