New Rules on the SDMB

Over the last year, we’ve seen many changes. Some good, some not so good. The staff has been working diligently to come up with rules to address these situations. We’re very apologetic that it took so long, but we wanted to make sure they were right and acceptable.

That being said, here are the new rules. Effective immediately. If you have any comments about the rules, please post them. But be kind.

All name changes will now incur a fee of $25.00 to be paid by money order or Western Union money transfer only.

Posters in MPSIMS are now required to provide not only a picture of any cat mentioned in a post, but also a full You-Tube video of said feline. An animated gif might suffice with prior permission of the moderators.

Repeated abuse of the following terms makes it necessary to add the following to the restricted word list in the BBQ Pit: dick, asshole, assface, munger, puterelle, syphilitic orangutan, and Belieber.

If you feel you must contradict another poster, do so only using “I” statements, such as “I feel differently about this than you do.” Accusations of being “wrong” are now considered an insult in GD.

Lewd or suggestive links are prohibited. Decision on what constitutes lewd or suggestive will be left to the moderators of each forum. We realize that will mean some differences between forums, and any such disputes will be resolved by reference to the Harvard Library Commission’s Report on Lewd and Suggestive Issues in 19th Century English Literature.

For those who wish to make their experience at the Dope more convenient, you may now purchase indulgences to cover future Warnings at the rate of $50.00 (first offense) , $175.00 (second offense), and $250.00 (strike three). Mod notes are $10 each or three for $35.00.

Owing to a dramatic increase in frivolous complaints, one out of every ten posters creating a thread in ATMB will be banned at random, through a selection method to be determined later.

Overt disagreement with a member of the Moderation staff on subjects unrelated to the moderation of this board is now forbidden, unless specifically allowed by the moderator in question. Permission to disagree with a mod may be revoked at any time, including retroactively.

Lest these new rules be interpreted as a sign that the Moderation staff is unconcerned with the happiness of our posters, all fully paid members will be mailed one (1) kitten, as soon as we can find enough padded envelopes for them.

Since the Barn House forum has been such a resounding success, we’re announcing the addition of a number of new forums to the board: the Guest Cottage, the Detached Garage, the Gazebo, and the Sublet Basement.

Your SDMB Moderation Staff

Suggestion: rather than mailing us the kittens, could you just scan a picture and email us? Kittens by post sounds much less safe than a cat scan.

I was assured we’d be getting a Like button. I cannot adequately express my admiration of Left Hand of Dorkness’s post without a Like button.

I truly disagree with these suggestions… ahhhhhhhh!

  1. Is it possible to pay for a gift kitten sans gift membership?
  2. Do members get a new kitten each time they renew?
  3. As an ex-mod, can I get a puma instead?

Selling indulgences is awesome. When I hit the lottery, I’ve got a list of people I’m gonna call cunts, motherfuckers, and cocksuckers. WooHoo!

Love it! Awesome

So how much is it if I buy two, and then buy another one?

Can I get either a puppy or a pony instead? Cats give my wife hives…plus they steal your breath in the night.

I think you should expand this to any use of a 3rd person in any GD debate should be grounds not only of immediate banning but of immediate and vicious execution by 1920 death ray. Blindfold should, of course, be optional and the sentence should be carried out in as humane a manner as possible, in keeping with the boards traditions.

You need to put in an option for already banned posters to be able to come back. I suggest something in the $5k-10k range.

The decimation strategy. Sounds like a great plan, especially when coupled with my previous suggestion on allowing banned posters to buy their way back in. Should generate some much needed revenue…and enable you guys to easily swap that puppy or pony for the kitten.

Another suggestion I’d like to offer is sort of anti-indulgences. Basically, for a fee, allow members to buy BanHammers to be used against annoying or smug posters who are always right, to either ban them immediately or give them warnings. I see this as a dual revenue stream for the board that could really fill the coffers and get coffee mugs AND tee shirts for all Mods and Admins…plus there are those padded envelops for the kittens (the ponies are going to be real shipping challenges as well, which is going to definitely require some serious scratch…no kitten pun intended).

Other than that, I think the new rules are definitely spot on, and I look forward to our new lizard overlords.

I suggest banning anyone who complains about (insert name of your favorite mod here).

Unless you are like (insert the name of your favorite frivolous complainer here) and don’t like any of the mods. In which case your status will be changed to “random”.

$38.00 … It’s a great deal. I’m going to buy six!

It’s about time.

This says “cat” and then “feline”? Would we need to include video if we were discussing Cat Steven/Yusuf Islam or a Caterpillar Inc vehicle? They would be a Cat and a CAT, but neither is a feline.

Or in that case is just a photo required?

This is an official warning. You will refrain from this behavior in the future. Your posting privileges are under review.

Do not do this again.

Instead of kittens could we instead have access to a special SDMB photo gallery of the retired jackboots of former moderators?

For historical reasons of course.

Not because we’re going to masturbate to them.

So, you are the only thing we have to fear?

Can we just give you a credit card so we can run a tab?

I think registration here should come with a free kitten. Or toddler.

Hasn’t it ever been thus?

TBH, fearing anything else is cheating the Almighty Modmins of the full tithe of terror that they deserve.

Am I the only one who wants to buy everything on Thinkgeek right now?