New terrorist target - school lunches!


This is the place for all the jokes about cafeteria food you ate during school. Personally, I think Chicken Nuggets are a violation of the Geneva Conventions anyway. :smiley:

Ever get the impression they’ve got a room full of guys, wired on coffee and nicotine, dreaming up ideas of possible terrorist attacks? The guys snicker as they come up with the next gem: “Hey, felllas . . . how 'bout this? Scuba diving terrorists!”

“Terrorists blinding pilots with laser pointers!” (Laughter)

“Here’s one: Terrorists dropping bombs from hang gliders!” (giggles)

“Or what about: terrorists training dolphins to sink ships?” (snort)

“No, I got it: Terrorists dressed in chicken suits handing out expired coupons!” (Room erupts inm guffaws.)

“Tell Condi we’ve got her new list ready,” says one guy, wiping tears of mirth away.

Terrorists, terrorists everywhere! They’ve put bombs in your Cheerios! They’re lurking beneath your bed! They’ve got sharks with frickin’ laser beams attatched to their heads!


I thought the same thing. Anything to keep the American Public terrified!

Soon they’ll call in General Turgidson, who will have us all drinking rain water to protect our precious bodily fluids!

Last summer I attended an emergency management session in a rural Minnesota county. County Health had a long-standing emergency immunization plan using the modern high school as a site but was reconsidering in the wake of the terrorist attack in Russia (Beslan). Because someone might put AK-47s and grenades in lockers (which were gated off) while waiting in a line (at the complete opposite end of the school) for an influenza/anthrax shot. Someone said Beslan was a one-off and the city cop went off. I asked if the city cops were so overstretched that they couldn’t post one or two guys at the gated end of the single hallway connecting the field house to the rest of the school and he turned red.

Emergency preparedness people are paranoid, and not often in a good way.

What about Calvin and Hobbes’s infamous Sugar Bombs?

Add that to the obviously terroristic values of Calvinball, and I think we could be onto something here. :wink:

You guys are killing me! I haven’t kaughed so hard in days. Wow.

(wiping tears)

You’re right, you know. It’s not like anything bad would ever happen here. Why sweat it?

That would be “laughed” of course. Sorry. My hands were still shaking from the mirth.

The article headline is “Gov’t: Terrorists Could Target School Food.”

Remove the colon, and the word “could,” and you’ve got a pretty good description of the current state of American school lunches.

You guys are done already?

Chicken Nuggets had nothing on the meatloaf served in the dining hall at the Village 1 residence at Waterloo University when I was there… the stuff tasted good, but after you sliced it, the cut surface would gradually change colour. We came to the conclusion that it was oxidising. :slight_smile:

The headline says the could target school lunches. Of course, they could also target the public library, my dentist’s office, the shed behind my house, or my dog. I think the government should allocate money to protecting each of these critical targets.

Osama bin Ladin: “I exploding your dog!”

Hey, I think you’ve got an award winning Broadway musical on your hands!

Terrorists terrorists everywhere!
They’ve put bombs in your Cheerios,
They’re lurking ‘neath your bed,
They’ve got sharks with frickin’ laser beams,
Attached to their HEEEEEEAAAAAADS!

Heh. One of the Central Valley rice-farming counties in California (I forget the details) has announced it’s taking a lot of its anti-terrorism funds and putting it to mosquito control to prevent West Nile disease.

Just because mosquito-fighting funds are cut everywhere in the State.

(West Nile killed 38 people in California last year, and the terrorists didn’t kill any.)

Old Cotton Mather was always seeing witches,
Daylight, moonlight, they buzzed about his head,
Pinching him and plaguing him with aches and pains and stitches,
Witches by his pulpit, witches by his bed.

Old Cotton Mather didn’t die happy,
He could preach and thunder, he could fast and pray,
But men began to wonder, if there had been witches,
When he walked down the street, they lookeded the other way.

Oh no, and I previewed too.