Ok, time for the post-party ordeal. Cleaning up.
No major spills, except for some red wine on the carpet.
I dabbed it up as best I could when it was spilled, but didnt have any soda water on hand.
Today I rented a carpet shampooer (i needed to clean the carpet anyway), but there is still some red remaining where the spill was.
Does anyone have a solution, both literally and figuratively, that could remove my stain?
You might try a cheap alcohol-based hairspray. I know that it works on inks that are alcohol-based. Remember to blot with white terry cloth towels – never rub a carpet stain.
Or try really saturating the carpet with club soda. Then stack a folded towel on top of the saturated spot. Stand on it for three or four minutes. Flip the towel to a dry place and stand on it again for a few minutes. Do this again and again until you can no longer feel any dampness in the carpet.
Former carpet cleaner here.
For some reason, red stains are nearly impossible to clean out of carpets. Why only red? I have no idea. Maybe things that are typically red (wine, make-up) are harder to remove.
I worked for a company called ChemDry that used a carbonated solution sprayed lightly on the carpet and then buffed off. This method worked well and didn’t soak the carpets like steam cleaning.
When we came across a red stain, I would have to heat up the solution in a little noodle pot, pour it on the stain and then remove the solution with a shop vac. This was kind of like a mini steam clean. Even that was pretty ineffective.
From my experience, which is nearly 20 years old, you are out of luck with a red wine stain once it has dried.
White wine is worth a try. (Amazingly, the pigments that are normally in solution in red wine are soluble in wine…) You might get into the habit of keeping a big bottle solely to tip leftover white wine into for use as stain remover. If it gets to the point that you’re thirsty enough to drink the “carpet shampoo” wine, consider rehab. 
Excellent! I’m going to give it a try right now. I hate white wine, and I was wondering what to do the half-bottle I have.
I was just going to post the white wine trick…But I’ve only used it when fresh, not dried. Let us know how it works.
-Tcat
Does not seem to work when dried. There was no red pigment on the towel i used to dab up the white. I will try it again after letting it sit for a minute or so. This time, I poured on the white and immediately dabbed it up.
No luck.
Maybe this will work
I wonder if cat-pee remover spray will work. I’ve used it on other stuff with great success.
I’ve cleaned up countless red wine spills out of our beige carpet and our light green couch with Oxi Clean. Always works like an absolute dream. I honestly don’t know how I ever lived without it. Not a trace of the stain left, no bleach spot, nice and clean and new looking again with minimal effort.
The only stain I was not able to get out with the stuff was red Kool-Aid.
Worth a shot.
Billy Mays, is that you? 
I will give all of these a try today. Since the drunk man in question dropped the bottle sideways on the table, the cork was ejected horizontally and created a 4-foot spray of wine. I have enough independant spots to try multiple things.
Unfortunately, my living room carpet won’t fit in the washing machine.
You might try this stuff.
Make a paste of soap, borax and water and rub it into the spot. Let sit a while, then rinse.
Oxyclean got some stuff out, there is dark color on the paper towels, but I can still see spots where the wine was, so it could be dirt, even though I ran the carpet shampooer over it a couple of times. It did, however, take out some other non-wine stains.
I 2nd this idea. Worked with dried spilled wine for me. Smells like oranges, too.
It may be too late for New Years 2006, but for next time:
Use salt. As soon as the wine is spilled, pour salt all over it. (Use a box, not a shaker. You’re going to need a lot.) The salt will quickly absorb the wine; keep pouring it on until the top layer is white. Don’t be shy, put a mountain up. (Depends on how much wine was spilled, of course - you will need about the same amount of salt as spilled wine, plus some extra for good luck. Salt is cheap.)
Leave it there and enjoy your party.
By the time it’s time to pick up the empty glasses and throw out the crusts of canapes, you can scoop (then vacuum) up all the red-wine-saturated salt, and your stain should be gone; if not gone, then vastly reduced.
I have a picture from a party with four different salt mountains interspersed amongst the revellers. The carpet ended up perfectly clean.