News Editors: Please for the love of God stop with the missing white girl stories

There will always be a missing white girl somewhere.

It is NOT national news.

That is all.

But this latest one’s mother called her a pathological liar! And she’s pregnant! And she’s a Marine! And she was just about to testify on, um, well, something or other!

And she’s wicked cute, too.

You just don’t understand the news business.

Also, please stop referring to her as an officer. Last time I checked a Lance Corporal in the USMC is not an officers rank.

A few weeks ago I was reading the news on my phone, and one of the top stories was of a missing hiker. A top story.

“How could this possibly be a top story?” I asked myself. “There must be lots and lots of missing people all over the place.”

Just kidding. Of course I knew it had to be a young pretty white woman, I didn’t ask myself shit.

It’s only news if they are pretty. Journalism 101.

Breaking news: she’s dead.

In other news: A snoring baby polar bear! Awwwww!

Let’s hear what you think about her being dead. Log on to our website and let us know.

You forgot a step! Fixed.

I guess I missed the missing white woman du jour. I have no idea who you guys are talking about. I trust I should be able to find it without much trouble, though.

Oh, how about that. Type and it’s the lead story. :rolleyes:

That one had a happy ending.

They found her Labrador retriever.

Look, there are plenty of good looking black women out there, and latinas, and Asian Americans … I insist that any time a good looking young woman disappears, regardless of race, it should be an obsession of our national news media!

They’d have to start a 24h missing persons channel to keep up. The regular cable news channels would be so starved for programming they’d have to either amp up on the Britney and show-trial coverage or start gathering and reporting 100% real serious news, which the business is now convinced will only end in a race to the bottom of the ratings charts.

Even if not, the sun will grow cold before broadcast news outlets give up on sensationalist repetitiousness. One of them has to be first, and fail spectacularly, and then one of them has to be second and do it right. The problem is no one will ever be first.

Well, at least this time she was also pregnant and a Marine (man, she looks nice in her uniform). That adds a few points of notability. A few more if the report that she was pregnant by a rape is also true. Even more if the killer ends up being a fellow Marine.

If “real” news was reported, what would Nancy Grace do for a job?

I have no idea what you all are talking about. Either this one’s not really ubiquitous, or I have selected a good choice of news sources.

Well, when she was younger and thinner, she used to make her living by wearing crotch-displayingly short dresses in front of Fulton County juries. Dunno what she would do for a living now.

Plus, she was set to testify to (dum-dum-duuum) seeing something on the base.

Good thing we’re not playing a drinking game with this.

Maybe we should. It would make the whole phenomenon easier to take.

Bumper car repair.

The judges would also have accepted Knee Pad Tester.