Last semester was a disaster for me. I couldn’t really get out of ‘winter break’ mode mentally, and I didn’t really work very hard. I didn’t like to think about school when I wasn’t in my classes, and as such worked little on study, research, and reading. College, sadly, felt like a chore to me, and I dragged my feet through the Spring semester. My grades were very disappointing, and I started to re-evaluate what I was doing.
This semester gives me a chance to turn things around, to make right all the errors I made before, in a sense. But with me, it is going to be something I am going to have to concentrate on every minute of every day of the semester. I kind of view trying to get good grades as the same as someone who is trying to quit smoking/drugs. You can’t just say you’re gonna do it, and expect it to happen. And you can’t give up halfway, you have to see it through.
I have a very bad habit- when I do badly at something, I get so discouraged that I want to quit. When I am doing badly in a class, each day in that class makes me feel stupider and stupider. Everything academic around me gets magnified a thousandfold- hearing about cousins who are taking AP classes, or going to graduate school. Sometimes I want to quit school but honestly I’ve come so far I might as well see it through.
School comes easily to some people. They learn things quickly, or even if they dont, can be very consistent with their work, study for hours at a time, eat, breathe, and sleep with the material running through their head. I can’t. I can’t really study/work on anything for longer than 15 minutes before I so bored and apathetic with it I can’t go any further. I picked a major that I thought I could stay interested and motivated in (English) and take many literature and survey classes, but though I like to read, not everything I read is terribly interesting, and it can be quite torturous to have to read an exceedingly boring book for a class. I thought I was good at writing, but several writing workshops taught me how horrible I am at writing a research papers- even when I write a paper to MLA standards it is still often in a style that is confusing or wordy to the teacher (good example being a Resarch paper on the role and portrayal of explorers in early American literature-worked my ass of on that paper, wrote FIVE drafts improving on each draft, and still got a B- on the paper because the teacher didn’t like the style of writing. It made me feel like my greatest potential was writing B- papers )
I suppose all I can do is be more open to constructive criticism, find people that are willing to tutor me in stuff I have a hard time in, and not dwell on minor challenges in my goals.