Next time I think I'll just hit my thumb with a hammer instead, thanks.

The BBQ Pit
1

B and I went to a birthday party today. But not just ANY birthday party where the kids run around screaming (actually, there was little of that) with their underwear on their heads (even less) and birthday cake smeared on their faces (none).

It was held in a bowling alley.

Now, I had previously never been inside a bowling alley. There are enough around where I used to live, but I’ve never had the desire to throw a puffed-up shot with three holes in it at a collection of wooden pegs standing straight up.

And I never will again, after today.

Understand, now … I’ve played hockey. I’ve played baseball and football and soccer and lacrosse and rugby and dodgeball … well, more violent sports for which there is often no name.

I have sustained injuries in those sports. In every single case I came back and played more.

I am never going bowling again. Ever. B thinks it is amusing. “You baby!” she says to me, walking past me as I write this OP.

And why, you ask (because otherwise you know I’ll never shut up), am I never going bowling again?

Because this supposedly benign sport, where the worst injury you can get is a strain or something mild like that, has left my thumb in a position where I would not be surprised if I woke up tomorrow and it had left a sign behind:

“Sorry, dude, but you lost me at bowling.”

The bruise I sustained in a collective fifteen minutes of bowling (if that) is unforgivable. True, I should have worn a glove of some sort, but not having one, I was forced to go without.

“But wait,” you say. “What about…”

Save it. The kid wanted me to bowl. B’s dad (kid’s grandfather) wanted me to bowl. Etc. I wasn’t getting out of it. I dunno even why they did, they just did.

But they will never again unless there is some sort of financial compensation. That’s right. I won’t bowl again unless I get to go pro.

And me and my score of 55 will wreak havoc on the circuit.

2

Dude, you do know that different balls have holes drilled different sizes? So if one ball abrades your thumb or attempts to pluck it off and send it down the alley, you can try a different one?

3

I dived right in at the deep end with bowling - never did it in my life, then suddenly spent hours at a time doing it.

Thumb never hurt, but eventually the tendon connecting my thumb to it’s muscle in the lower arm HURT!

I ende up not putting my fingers in the wholes at all and just sort of 'arm’ing the ball down the lane (as if I had no hand). did quite well too.

If I remember correctly my average score was about 100.

4

I think my ‘never do it again’ is ice-skating. Did it once - did the splits (unintentionally) and rode over the hand of a friend (unintentionally also - but the friend still wasn’t happy for some reason)
And now I worry that I will re-fracture my vertebrae if I attempt to do it again and fall (plus the fact that I have no SO to go with)

5

Hrm. Well, I never hurt my thumb bowling, but I will proudly, or maybe just loudly, declare that my first-time bowling score was a jaw-dropping thirteen. Yes, that’s correct. 10 frames and I knocked down a total of 13 pins. I’m pretty sure my highest bowling score since then (I bowl maybe once or twice a year) has been maybe a 70 or 80-something. I think I’ve made one strike and two spares or so in my bowling career.

But I never hurt myself… :smiley:

6

Oh, and I earned the name “Michael Flatulence” from bowling.
(not by farting)

7

The last time I went bowling all I hurt was my pride. I used to bowl in HS, but hadn’t again until two days after my wife and I got married. She who had never picked up a bowling ball in her life bowled 232 or some such. I didn’t break a hundred. Luckily we were visiting my Mom in Asheville at the time so noone I knew saw my shame.

8

Bowling is mysterious and dangerous. I think it’s evil.

Back in the day, I was doing complex movements, like the deadlift and the squat, with weights that were much heavier than I am. Some people asked me to go bowling, and I figured I’d be okay, because between the two of those you should have trained every single muscle in your lower body.

Apparently, there are two or three that you don’t use unless you’re bowling. This was a revelation the next morning.

We won’t get into what happens when you don’t powder the sole of your shoe, or what happens when you do that for the first time, or how I got that chip in my tooth.

9

Finagle, I am well aware of that. Most of the balls (truthfully, all but one in the “less than twelve pounds” division) had at least one finger hole that was too small (chronic joint-cracking has enlarged a few of my joints to the point where they’re 3-4 millimeters larger than they should be), and I didn’t really fancy trying to bowl with half a finger in and the other half balancing ten pounds. I tried changing balls, but it was to no avail. Either my fingers didn’t fit in (and my thumb hurt more because it was wedged in), or they fit and my thumb hurt after I bowled. Evidently my thumb is just misshapen or something, I dunno.

10

That’s mine, too. Last went ice skating when I was about fourteen. Slipped, smacked the back of my skull on the ice, and blacked out, for how long I don’t know. Woke up, and I was so woozy I couldn’t stand. This was an indoor rink, btw, and there were at least two dozen other skaters on the ice. I tried to crawl off the ice, but the square rink had walls on three sides, and, disoriented, I chose the one directly opposite the open side. Then I crawled around the edge of the rink until I got to the open side, crawled under the fence, and lay on the ground there for at least twenty minutes: I think I passed out again, not entirely sure. Finally, I stumbled to my feet, and almost fell over again because I’d forgotten I was wearing ice skates. Took them off, found my mom, and went home. During this whole time with me crawling around the ice and lying passed out on the floor in the middle of the place, not one single person tried to help me or even asked if I was okay.

Haven’t been skating since then.

Bowling, however, is cool. I only bowl about once a year, when friends drag me to a bowling alley. I always pretend to only enjoy myself ironically, but deep down, I’m genuinely having a good time.