Next time, psycho match, try READING THE DAMN PROFILE!

What … the … fuck?

I change my profile to reflect my future address in Cleveland. A couple of hours later, I get an e-mail from a relatively intelligent, fairly attractive woman. A couple of nice, uneventful e-mails bounced back and forth.

Last e-mail I sent, I mentioned that my father was here in Kansas City, to help me and the dogs with the move. She responded:

I’m renting a three bedroom house, but that’s besides the point. I mention my dogs, and I get flamed? WTF? So I wrote back:

She said:

First off, my dogs don’t have doggie odor, and they don’t shed. Although I hardly ever sniffle or sneeze around dogs, several tests show that I’m allergic to them. I plunked down serious dough for the privilege of adopting two Portuguese Water Dogs, a rare breed known for being hypoallergenic, non-shedding, and non-stinky. (Well, except when Guinness poots out his daily fart.)

Secondly, all of this could have been avoided if she READ MY GOD DAMN PROFILE, especially the part where I say:

You should like pooches; two very intelligent, friendly Portuguese Water Dogs form my pack.

Thirdly, the last two points are really moot, because anyone that would get hostile just because I mention my doggies, which they should have known about … well, they should probably seek some counseling. What would make a woman react like this at the mention of dogs?

Um, she’s a bitch? Wait - no, that’s insulting to female dogs. Just be glad to have washed your hands of her so easily.

BTW - glad to see you found yourself a suitable place to live!

I’m more of a cat person myself, but if I were on the dating scene, I’d be happy to see a guy who cares for his pets. Shows that he is not afraid of commitment, that he is capable of loving another living creature, all that good stuff. I probably wouldn’t go out with him, mind you, but that’s because my cat has declared Jihad against all dogs. If I had a dog friendly cat, and the guy had cat friendly dogs, then the dogs wouldn’t be a dealbreaker.

Congratulations on finding a new place to live, and on finding out that Psycho Match doesn’t like dogs AND doesn’t read profiles early on. At least you didn’t invest a lot of time with her.

This is when things like can be great. You can weed out at least some of the psychos before you actually meet them.

sends a quick Thanks Be to God that she doesn’t have to deal with the whole dating scene anymore

And she sounds like she’s going to be one of those demanding, whiny girlfriends. I pity the man who gets her.


Anyone who has two PWDs in his pack has GOTTA be a good guy.

Hopefully this woman will get spayed.


She sounds like a twat.

Anyone who doesn’t love dogs can lick the turds off the bottom of my shoes!

Humm, ok, that’s a bit harsh.

Anyone who doesn’t love dogs can juggle the turds from my puppy’s pan!

Still kind of nasty.

Anyone who doesn’t love dogs can stare at the turds that missed my puppy’s pan from afar with disgust in their eyes?

Ah! Perfect!

(Yes, puppy occasionally misses the pan - but he’s SO CUTE!)

She might have had a bad ordeal with someone who had dogs.

She’s a complete boogerbrain (childish). And one that hates animals, in which case cannot see why would anyone have pets.

You wipe with your shoes?

Pscyhomatch indeed.

Doesn’t everyone?

I am having that problem with a boyfriend. He says he wants to move in but the dogs would have to become outside dogs. There is no way in HECK that my dogs are going to be stuck outside. So, he’s all butthurt now because I won’t put aside my values on how pets should be treated. Jerk butt. Or since this is the pit…fuckface

She was a guy, trolling you.
Or she was insane…

Would the OP be willing to post a link to her profile?

“I mentioned that my father was here in Kansas City, to help me and the dogs with the move.”

This part puzzles me a bit. Every time I’ve had to move, the dogs contributed nothing, apart from looking confused and napping a lot. If yours are toting boxes and cleaning up, you’ve got super beasts for which any potential match should be grateful.

Shit, my cats can clean house, fix a meal, balance my checkbook and write a screenplay in three hours. What, you mean that’s not normal?

Okay, so I lie. They’re really good at dragging their poop out of the litterbox to play croquet, though.


He’s willing to take over your space if you re-organize it all around him?

Run away, quickly.

There is really a breed called Portuguese Water Dogs? I thought my parents made that name up for our mutts.

Now, aren’t you glad she made a scene online and not after you bought her dinner? On behalf of your town’s best restaurant, I thank you, the staff thanks you, and the other people who would have been there on dates thank you…

I might have responded that I was glad she replied as she did, since my loathing for illiterates seems to be about equal to her loathing for dogs.

Or, maybe you should have told her that yes, they do run your life. And if they don’t start loosening up the purse strings soon, I’m going to write them a strongly worded letter.

What a stupid bitch.

Hey, my cat can do all of that. But she prefers to lay around all day and lick her own butthole. Lazy little shit.