I change my match.com profile to reflect my future address in Cleveland. A couple of hours later, I get an e-mail from a relatively intelligent, fairly attractive woman. A couple of nice, uneventful e-mails bounced back and forth.
Last e-mail I sent, I mentioned that my father was here in Kansas City, to help me and the dogs with the move. She responded:
I’m renting a three bedroom house, but that’s besides the point. I mention my dogs, and I get flamed? WTF? So I wrote back:
She said:
First off, my dogs don’t have doggie odor, and they don’t shed. Although I hardly ever sniffle or sneeze around dogs, several tests show that I’m allergic to them. I plunked down serious dough for the privilege of adopting two Portuguese Water Dogs, a rare breed known for being hypoallergenic, non-shedding, and non-stinky. (Well, except when Guinness poots out his daily fart.)
Secondly, all of this could have been avoided if she READ MY GOD DAMN PROFILE, especially the part where I say:
You should like pooches; two very intelligent, friendly Portuguese Water Dogs form my pack.
Thirdly, the last two points are really moot, because anyone that would get hostile just because I mention my doggies, which they should have known about … well, they should probably seek some counseling. What would make a woman react like this at the mention of dogs?
I’m more of a cat person myself, but if I were on the dating scene, I’d be happy to see a guy who cares for his pets. Shows that he is not afraid of commitment, that he is capable of loving another living creature, all that good stuff. I probably wouldn’t go out with him, mind you, but that’s because my cat has declared Jihad against all dogs. If I had a dog friendly cat, and the guy had cat friendly dogs, then the dogs wouldn’t be a dealbreaker.
Congratulations on finding a new place to live, and on finding out that Psycho Match doesn’t like dogs AND doesn’t read profiles early on. At least you didn’t invest a lot of time with her.
I am having that problem with a boyfriend. He says he wants to move in but the dogs would have to become outside dogs. There is no way in HECK that my dogs are going to be stuck outside. So, he’s all butthurt now because I won’t put aside my values on how pets should be treated. Jerk butt. Or since this is the pit…fuckface
“I mentioned that my father was here in Kansas City, to help me and the dogs with the move.”
This part puzzles me a bit. Every time I’ve had to move, the dogs contributed nothing, apart from looking confused and napping a lot. If yours are toting boxes and cleaning up, you’ve got super beasts for which any potential match should be grateful.
Now, aren’t you glad she made a scene online and not after you bought her dinner? On behalf of your town’s best restaurant, I thank you, the staff thanks you, and the other people who would have been there on dates thank you…
I might have responded that I was glad she replied as she did, since my loathing for illiterates seems to be about equal to her loathing for dogs.
Or, maybe you should have told her that yes, they do run your life. And if they don’t start loosening up the purse strings soon, I’m going to write them a strongly worded letter.
