NFL: Give an HONEST assessment of your team

Team: Bengals

Outlook: Bleak for this season (at 2-9 now), positive for next season, IF…
What they need to do: Let the likes of Ocho and TO walk, bring in a new HC and OC, upgrade talent on both lines, particularly the offensive line, get more play out of their young promising players and build a system on offense around the talent we have, not trying to continually force square pegs into round holes.

Mike Brown steps down as GM (hah!) and hires a competent football person to run his team. Hire more scouts and expand the scouting department as we have all of 2 or 3 scouts, the smallest dept in the NFL. Build an indoor practice facility to help attract FA’s and bring the team into the 21st century so we aren’t bussing the team to a nearby high school practice facility in the event of bad weather like…well, a bunch of high-schoolers.

Get back to what made us successful last season: strong defense and a strong running game. Lose the cute pass plays, cut down on audibles at the line, line up and run the fucking play.

Coincidentally, had those receivers panned out, receiver wouldn’t have been a problem. Unfortunately, the ones that…The GM That Shall Not Be Named…picked didn’t pan out, save Calvin. That’s the thing. Yeah, the Lions had a receiver they had just drafted the year before, but they still needed another one.

Eagles

Will make the playoffs

Will not advance far

As good a young core of skill players as anyone in the league

O-line needs a lot of work. Need a CB.

Longer term … I am depressed. I do not believe in Vick. He has another 2-4 years to be tantalizing and exciting, but I do not believe he will ever be a consistent top-level NFL starter. And yet, the way things have gone, I don’t see any way they don’t resign him and let Kolb walk.

And when Kolb makes the pro bowl in 2013 while Vick throws 17 picks, the Philly media jackasses will be screaming about how dumb Andy Reid is, and how he kept the wrong one.

Although my team has been done (and done well), I’ll add my own thoughts:

Green Bay Packers

Current Record: 7-4

Playoffs? Yes. If it was decided today, they wouldn’t, but they are one game out of the division lead, and still in the wildcard hunt. 4 out of 5 should get them in, 3 out of 5 will be iffy.

Good: They have a high scoring (8th in the NFL) offense, a good scoring defense (Tied 1st in the NFL). They have the highest point differential in the NFL. They have a nucleas of good young talent, a franchise QB in Aaron Rodgers, and a solid defense that includes Clay Matthews. They finally have a good punter too. They have solid depth, which they really needed this year.

Bad: They can’t seem to win the close ones. Whether it is a turnover, penalties, no defensive stops, or solid special teams, they can’t seem to get a big play done in crunch time. This year has been a horrible one for injuries, with 6 starters on IR, including their #1 RB, their stud TE, their leading tackler ILB, and starting ROLB. If they had stayed healthy, they’d be much more convincing as a playoff caliber team. They need help on special teams too. They need to get players on the O Line who can run block too.

Future: If they can get healthy, I love their future. This year, they have a good shot at the playoffs, and, if they get there, I think they could go all the way IF they avoid mistakes. In the long run, they are one of the youngest teams in the NFL, with some real difference makers who will hopefully continue to get better and better. With Rodgers, Jennings, Finley, Bulaga, Raji, Matthews, Williams, Collins, and the young role players, they could be in the hunt for awhile.

Anything else you feel the need to share about your team: It’s been a tough year with injuries and 4 loses by 3 points or more. This team can’t really catch a break, but they’ve impressed me with their resiliancy and depth. They need to find a way to win close games, they need to get better at run blocking, and they need to stay healthy to really make a run. I also never realized how nice it is to have a punter who can make a difference.

  1. your team

  2. your team’s current record

  3. can they (mathematically) make the playoffs?
    3a) if yes, what would they have to do in order to make the playoffs?

  4. the good

  5. the bad

  6. future outlook

  7. anything else you feel the need to share about your team

  1. your team
    St. Louis Rams

  2. your team’s current record
    5-6

  3. can they (mathematically) make the playoffs?
    yes
    3a) if yes, what would they have to do in order to make the playoffs?
    Win 3of thier last 5 games. with either a win over Seattle in week 17 or by upsetting the Chiefs

  4. the good
    Sam Bradford. Steven Jackson. Our O-line has stayed pretty consistant, the D-line has been very good at getting pressure in the backfield both in passing and rushing situations. Our Safties can be very dominant.

  5. the bad
    Our WR corps has been decimated by injuries leaving us starting second and thrid stringers. They are also very young lacking any real vertern presence, but have been doing well despite that. We lack depth at RB, CB, and LB.

  6. future outlook
    We have the QB of the future in place. We have solid defensive leaders to build around in Laurinitis and Atogwe. We need a deep threat at WR and a solid back up behind Steven Jackson and better depth at CB and LB.

  7. anything else you feel the need to share about your team

Despite the blowout to the Lions and the loss of some squeakers this team has done better then anyone expected. Now they just need to be able to hold it together for four quarters as they tend to give up a lot in the 4th.

  1. The Buffalo Bills
  2. 2-9
  3. No.
  4. Three overtime losses against very good teams. Very rarely blown out. Promising young talent. Great fan base despite being stuck in a dying Rust Belt city.
  5. Just can’t seem to get over the hump. Owner is a reanimated corpse. Once they figure out he’s really dead, his kids will sell the team to the highest bidder. Terrible draft strategy. In a division with the Patriots and Jets.
  6. Will be in Toronto or LA by the end of the decade.
  7. Fuck me for liking this team.

What happened to all the fans of “America’s Team”? I guess they are all on suicide watch. Anyway, my loyalties lie elsewhere:

  1. J - E - T - S - Jets, Jets, Jets!

  2. 9 - 2, by the skin of their teeth.

  3. They need two more victories (Bills and Dolphins, please?) but could easily lose the rest of their games and miss the playoffs.

  4. Good: the defense. The corners.

  5. Bad: the offense. The running game. The passing game when the game ISN’T on the line. Someone should explain to Cromartie (preferably using action figures or LEGOS) that you can’t block people in the back on kicks. Also, how a condom works.

  6. Future: okay, but in a killer division. Coach is surprisingly successful.

  7. The Jets are about five plays away from being 6-5. They’ve been incredibly fortunate so far and I feel are letting problems slide instead of fixing them. They haven’t fired their kicker, despite missing 3 field goals in an overtime game! I think they are waiting until he actually loses them a playoff game.

I was at Pack/Skins and there is no way the Skins should have been within 30, let alone taking it to OT.

Since nobody else cares about San Diego I will give my opinion.

  1. San Diego Chargers

  2. 6-5

  3. Yes they are only one game behind in a lack luster AFC west

3a) They probably need to win the reset of their games. Maybe they can loose 1 depending on what the chiefs do.

  1. The good. Rivers is pretty hot. They seem to be able to run the ball of late. The offense and defense are both 1 or 2 in the NFL. In recent years the team has done very well in December and the end of the regular season. The problems with special teams haven’t been around for the last couple of games.

  2. The bad. The losses at the beginning of the season were mostly to teams that now are 5 and 6 or 6 and 5 so that doesn’t fill me with confidence. There were so many bizarre special team mistakes it seems premature to declare the problems fixed.

As a Redskins fan, I do believe we are maybe two players away from the Super Bowl.

Those two players are Joe Montana and Jim Brown.

Not even then. We’d need more the likes of the Terminator and Superman.

  1. Kansas City Chiefs

  2. 7-4

  3. Yes

3a) Have the good team show up, and not the crappy one that went to Denver

  1. Jamaal Charles, Thomas Jones, Matt Cassel, and Dexter McCluster (if he’s not injured). It is hard to believe Matt Cassel is doing as well as he is. I have to throw Todd Haley in there, as well. I did not like him last year, and wasn’t too impressed the first few games of the season. I thought he was out of his league. However, the Chiefs have been placing an emphasis on leadership and character, and it looks like it might be showing. Gone are the days when KC fans were treated to nearly-weekly news stories about Chiefs players getting arrested, detained, or being involved in altercations.

  2. The Chiefs are scary … the old shades of Martyball haunt us. The Chiefs have had a habit of folding. Right now, the 7-4 seems like a dream, and it seems like we are waiting for the other shoe to drop. People are asking, “Are they really that good?” Also, the Chiefs have a dismal record in the playoffs; the last few times they have gotten to the playoffs, they went out in the first game. Last week, the Chiefs had a blocked FG and a blocked punt.

  3. If the Chiefs can keep playing decently and not letting unqualified teams walk all over them, they should do OK.

:snort!:

Well, I certainly care about the Chargers, so I’ll jump in, even though I mostly agree with you.

  1. San Diego Chargers

  2. 6-5

  3. The Bolts are 1 game out, with a home game 2 weeks from now against the 7-4 Chiefs. If the Chargers win out, they will win the AFC West based on the Division Record tiebreaker, no matter what the Chiefs do.

  4. The Good - The Chargers are #1 in the NFL in Total Offense and Total Defense, and have been #1 in both categories for most of the season now. Philip Rivers is getting lots of love as a potential MVP candidate this year, and, perhaps best of all, it’s December. The Chargers have been unbeatable in December lately; and their final 5 games are 3 straight at home, then at 2 last place teams.

  5. The Bad - The most shockingly un-special teams in NFL history. It’s simply obscene how bad they have been. However, fingers crossed, they have been much, much better lately. We shall see if that lasts.

  6. Future Outlook - It’s hard to believe this team will be anything worse than average for as long as Rivers is around and healthy. Just look at the Colts right now to see how a great QB can keep a team in the playoff hunt despite a whole host of issues. The O-Line is looking sharp, there is a ton of depth in the WR corps (thanks to lots of playing time for everyone due to all the injuries) and there’s a bunch of young talent in the defensive front 7. NT Antonio Garay is playing at a Pro Bowl level, and there are a bunch of kids like DT/DEs Vaughn Martin and Cam Thomas, LBs Brandon Siler and IRed rookie Donald Butler and S Darrel Stuckey that all seem to have bright futures ahead of them. And if DC Ron Rivera gets the head coaching job that he has long deserved next season, Wade Phillips is sitting there ready to be handed his old job back.

  7. The Chargers are in the middle of their greatest sustained run of excellence since before the merger. If they pull it out this year, and I happen to think they will, they’ll win their 5th consecutive division title. Of course, most Charger fans will froth at the mouth and scream that none of it means anything if they don’t win the Super Bowl. AJ Smith will tell you that all you can do is get in “the tournament” and see what happens.

If the lions beat the bears this weekend, and the Bears home flight plows into Lake Michigan, while the packers and Vikings planes crash head on , the Lions could represent the division. So we are not eliminated yet. It would require a league meeting .
The Lions are 2-9 . They have spent a ton on an injury prone QB. Stafford has been able to play less than half the games since we drafted him. he may be too fragile for pro ball. Best picked up the offense and had a quick move through the hole. Now he has turf toe on both feet and is terrible. Turf toe can end your career.
The 2nd QB showed promise but he merely broke his arm. This weeks starting QB has been on the team for more than 4 years. They bring in a new QB or 2 every year because they love Stanton and don’t want him to get hurt.
The Lions drafted Suh and he shored up the defensive line. They are nearly bad now. The Dbs couldn’t stop a beachball floating across the field. nobody can actually tackle a person.
Calvin is terrific and he will not stay. Why should he? Suh may not know he is playing out his contract, but he is. The Lions had a team coordinator get arrested for naked drunk driving.That is who we are. We can set the bar on ugly side of bad citizens making a lot of money.
But I had season tickets for Barry Sanders entire career. That is all I have. it is something.

No one’s done the Houston Texans yet, so I’ll give it a shot, even though I’m not a “real fan” of them. (Or any team, really.)

  1. 5-7

  2. Sure, they can make the playoffs. The AFC South is having a hard time this year, with the Jags and Colts at 6-5, and the Titans at 5-6. A wild card berth is almost certainly out of the question, however.

3b) To make the playoffs, they’d realistically have to run the table, beating Baltimore at home, Tennessee away, Denver away, and Jacksonville at home. The last three are certainly doable and I would think the Texans would be favored in all three games, if I had to set the lines now. They will get utterly crushed by Baltimore, however.

Indy has two games with Tennessee, a game with Dallas, Jacksonville at home, and Oakland. Maybe Indy loses the Dallas game? Jacksonville usually plays them tough too, for some reason. So if Indy loses to both Dallas and Jacksonville, and Houston runs the table, I think Houston wins on intra-division tiebreaker. Good luck.

Jacksonville has Houston, Indy, Tennessee, Oakland, Washington. I see them going 3-2 over that stretch. If they beat Indy, then I see them going 4-1 and winning the division. In either case, Houston really has no shot of making the playoffs.

  1. The Good: Houston’s offense is very, very good (2nd in DVOA), with one of the top playmakers at RB (Arian Foster), and WR (Andre Johnson). Schaub is a top-10 QB. However, this comment I read somewhere about Schaub is totally true: "Matt Schaub is like if a team of scientists were going to build the prototypical NFL QB, but built him with a flaw that he would go completely to pieces two to three times a game, at the absolute worst possible time. And let’s not get me started about his attempts to “run” the 2-minute drill. It’d be funny to see him in Philadelphia. Schaub, Foster, and Johnson are all in their prime, and Foster is actually somewhat young (24). Johnson has been fighting off a nagging high-ankle sprain for the last two months, which might account for his decline in production this year, over others. At TE, Owen Daniels is not back to 2008/ first half of '09 levels, and at this point, I wonder if he ever will. Joel Dreessen and James Casey have been adequate backups. Draft 3 TEs in a year, and one of them is bound to turn out. (Sigh.)

The O-Line, will not be mistaken for the Hogs, but is adequate for protecting Schaub (16th according to FO) and opening up holes (1st through 7th, depending on which FO run blocking stat you like). They are infinitely better than past Houston O-Lines. I do not know how much of their improvement is due to getting rid of Alex Gibbs, and presumably, much of his zone-blocking scheme.

The Offense, in short, is very good. It is handicapped by poor 2-minute performance, by silly penalties at the most inconvenient time, and by bizarre playcalling, also at the most inconvenient time. (You have the NFL’s leading rusher, against the Colts, who can’t stop anybody on the ground, and you call 85% passing plays?!) But the tools are there for a juggernaut, if properly used.

Houston’s Special Teams are mediocre, which is an improvement from where they were on FGs. Neil Rackers is no longer the same kicker as Mr 6-6 in Mexico City, but he at least has not ripped out the hearts of Texans fans the way that Kris Brown seemed to do on a weekly basis. His KO distance isn’t too shabby, but return DVOA is one of the worst in the league. Matt Turk is adequate to mediocre. Unlike San Diego, Special Teams are not the reason the Texans lose games.

Which leads us to 5) The Bad: The Defense, specifically, pass defense.

My God, the Texans are bad at pass defense. (31st DVOA) Until this last game, I think they were historically bad at pass defense, but that’s what playing a 3rd string QB does for you. Despite this being an uncapped year, mgmt let Dunta Robinson go to the Falcons. O.K., I can see that, Dunta is certainly not worth 12 million a year. I believe that’s the 2nd highest CB salary in the NFL, FWIW, tied with Asante Samuel and just behind “Scrabble” Asomugha. (What is Revis making anyways?) But Robinson was pretty much the only veteran CB presence in that secondary. Jacque Reeves was a veteran, but not very good, and isn’t playing at all, which should tell you something. The Texans put their eggs in the basket of Glover Quin and new first round pick Kareem Jackson. Jackson is an interesting case, as it’s another example of Texans’ mgmt outsmarting themselves. At the time Jackson was up, Kyle Wilson and Devin McCourty were also available. Wilson was thought to be superior to both. Instead the Texans chose Jackson, and plugged him in at CB #1, where he has been absolutely abysmal. When I was doing the SDMB Mock NFL Draft a few months ago, I recognized that the secondary was in deep shit, and made a trade for Scrabble, who, until his hamstring issues, was worth the crazy salary he makes. Despite the Texans being one of the more profitable franchises and this being an uncapped year, and the Offense being in its prime, Mgmt decided they did not need a splashy free agent acquisition or aggressive trade. They are reaping the harvest of this shortsightedness. Jason Allen, the infamous “Hole-in-Zone” from FO analysis, is starting at CB. And that really should tell you all you need to know about the Texans’ Secondary. At least C.C. Brown is someone else’s problem now.

The D-Line, despite Mario Williams and other multiple 1st round picks is still mediocre at best. They are unable to consistently generate pressure or collapse the pocket, in particular because Williams likes to take plays, and games, off. Thankfully, Amobi Okoye, is finally starting to show some signs that he gets it. Still, the D-Line is middle of the road and, while a problem, is not instantly fatal to this team winning games. Connor Barwin showed flashes of being an effective pass rushing DE, and perhaps he’ll start next year after rehab.

The linebacking corps is the heart of the defense, and losing D-Rookie of the Year DeMeco Ryans hurt a lot more than people are giving credit for. (At this point, Hamlet is telling me to shut the hell up about injuries already.) Brian Cushing is just not the same player he was last year, and really needs to be as creative in finding the next generation of PEDs to get on as he was in his excuse for the positive HCG test. Zac Diles, Kevin Bentley, Xavier Adibi: all are “just a guy.”

Finally in the Bad column, we get to the coaching. Gary Kubiak is overmatched as an NFL head coach. By all accounts, he is a great guy, a good offensive coordinator, and probably a fine human being. However, he has failed to prepare this team mentally. His teams are characterized by: stupid penalties; multiple giant plays given up on a weekly basis, due to his players showing poor awareness, as opposed to just being beat by superior skill; baffling playcalling, both during the middle of games and at the end of halves; and a lack of preparedness to start games. The Texans almost by rote, end up down 14 points to start and then make a furious comeback. Week after week, regardless of whether the staff has time to prepare or not. I am tired of seeing 3rd and longs, and knowing the opposing team will convert, usually when their WR#1 is in single coverage 20 yards down the field. The Jets game, where Jason Allen doesn’t guard the sideline on a play where the Jets have no timeouts and seconds to go. The first Titans game last year, where Chris Johnson was split wide, and consequently left completely uncovered for an 70 yd touchdown pass.

Just too many mental mistakes and tolerance for average performance. Kubiak and his staff need to go. I am on the fence as to whether the GM, Richard Smith, needs to go also. The Ryans draft was very good.

  1. Future outlook. I fear that Bob McNair, Texans owner, prefers profit to success. I want him to break the bank to bring in a head coach who will motivate this team to not accept mediocrity anymore. I don’t know whether Cowher is the guy (especially since he’s not bringing LeBeau with him), but the Texans need someone to cut down on the mental stupidity. The secondary needs to improve now. I do not know whether Jackson will be a bust—CB’s not named Revis traditionally take a year or two to get it, unlike RBs—but the current situation is intolerable. At least find a FS who can cut down on the continual stream of big plays.

Unfortunately, I see the Texans winning 3 of the next 4, and McNair continuing to keep Kubiak on. The lock-out looming, and McNair faced with the prospect of paying out Kubiak’s staff’s contracts, while also paying for a brand new staff, will probably stay McNair’s hand from the firings that desperately need to happen. With Kubiak, this will be,** at best**, a 10-6 wild card level team that will get bounced in the first round. As it is, continue to expect more 7-9 to 9-7 seasons, as long as the PSLs continue to be bought and the luxury suites continue to be sold out. I envy Patriots fans, where their coach and management is not afraid to make hard decisions, and their team is nearly always mentally prepared. It’s too bad, as with the Titans going into a funk, the injury bug biting Indy, and the Jaguars being the Jaguars, this was really the Texans’ year to shine and make a big splash in the playoffs. What a waste.

  1. your team
    The Detroit Lions

  2. your team’s current record
    2-9

  3. can they (mathematically) make the playoffs?
    Link

No one’s done the Colts yet, and even though I haven’t seen too much football this year with getting ready for another deployment, I can give it a shot.

  1. The Colts
  2. 6-6
  3. Yes (and BTW, shouldn’t all of them be “Yes” at this point? I mean, it’d take a miracle on par with a virgin birth to have someone like the Bills make the playoffs, but I’m pretty sure they’re not actually eliminated mathematically)
    3a) Beating the rest of the AFC South in the second round of those matchups would be the easiest way
  4. I like Javarris James (Edgerrin’s cousin) as he’s filling in for our injured running backs, our wide receiver corps has held up pretty well against injury, and we’re starting to get our starting linebackers healthy again. Oh, and of course there’s Peyton, except…
  5. … holy shit, who is this Peyton Manning impersonator? Something like 10 or 11 INTs in the last 3 games? Some of that could be blamed on having WRs and TEs who might not be exactly where they should be, but he’s making horrible, uncharacteristic throws. I’m not really worried about Peyton too much, since he can still create a touchdown drive late in the 4th to tie the game when he needs to, but the injuries are really the worst part of this season for us. My Og, the injuries. With a suspect O-line, third-string RB, and a horrible defensive secondary that’s forcing the offense to always play from behind, Peyton’s on pace to set a record for pass attempts in a season, and the pressure of really, truly carrying the team on his back is wearing on him a little, I think.
  6. Unsure. Peyton’s having a rough stretch, but he shows no real signs of ever being a bad QB, and the Colts’ front office has a preternatural ability to find good WRs, so our passing game is set for the next 5 years at least. I think we’ve got a good D-line and a pretty satisfactory group of LBs, but it seems like almost everything else needs work.
  7. I really like the throwback jerseys the Colts have worn a couple times this year. Not sure how the city of Baltimore feels about them, though.

I enjoyed (and generally agreed with) the discussion about my comment a couple weeks ago that the Giants offensive weapons were on par with the Eagles.

It occurred to me earlier today that when healthy and when their coach isn’t a doddering old fool, the Cowboys weapons are also on par with both the Eagles and Giants. Anyone disagree about the Cowboys? Also, who else in the league is on par weapon-wise? Is all the offensive talent pooled in the NFC East? And just how sad are the Redskins, being so left out of the divisional arms race?

Just some random thoughts I had today. Carry on.