Ads: I remember a time when these were truly groundbreaking, epic, astounding, inspiring, or just really glitzy, and I actually looked forward to watching them. Maybe not MORE than the game, but they were truly noteworthy. For a long time, though, it seems like they’re just trying too hard. I remember many years back when Lisa Simpson put it plainly, “These Super Bowl commercials are weird,” and this hasn’t really changed since. Maybe I’ll catch a couple on YouTube if there’s some big buzz about them for whatever reason, but I’m not watching for them and I’m definitely don’t expect to be talking about them.
Halftime: Eh. It is what it is. A singer sings and the entire NFL brass quietly prays that it doesn’t go off the rails. I’m not a huge fan of Jennifer Lopez or Shakira, but they have good voices and should put on a good show, which is all I’m expecting. Plus I remember how cishet male America had an absolute meltdown over J.Lo’s butt for whatever freakish reason, so having her on a big national stage is long-overdue justice.
Rooting interests: Honestly, this one’s a wash. The 49ers have an amazingly rich history, but that was a long time ago, and they’ve gone through some *very[/i hard times. All the harping on Joe Montana as The Greatest Of All Time got a little annoying, but not to the level of aggravation, and it’s now more or less squashed dead by Tom Brady. Does anyone even remember how he did in Kansas City? (By my recollection it was pretty awful, although I might be a little biased here.) One could argue that if they didn’t have the #1 seed, or if Green Bay did this, or if Philadelphia did that, or if, or if if if if. But that’s just it; champions win the ones that matter. All season long the 49ers have been getting on the board, making adjustments, not choking away leads, and staying focused against their toughest opponents, and that winning attitude is the main reason they’re here now. The Chiefs remind me of the '04 Red Sox, the franchise that always had plenty of talent and drive and really should not have gone this freaking long without a championship. Much like that fateful Boston squad, they’ve finally learned to stop tripping over their own feet, get their heads in game, and play like the elite franchise they’re supposed to be. The Houston game, where they were down 24-0 in the 2nd quarter and it looked for all the word that they were going to be Team Rocket-ed out of the playoffs like every other goddam time, and not only turned it around but won by 20, was their statement. Much like the steal in game 4 of the ALCS that sparked the Red Sox’s monumental comeback, it showed once and for all that they were through being no-hope underachieving sad sacks, that they were a championship-caliber team that could beat anyone. Two great teams full of great players. There’s just no way I can pick one over the other…
…except for this.
“Ehhhhh-ohhhh awwwuhhwhhh, uwhwhwhwoohh, uhhhh whwuuahauh! Ehhhhh-ohhhh awwwuhhwhhh, uwhwhwhwoohh, uhhhh whwuuahauh! Ehhhhh-ohhhh awwwuhhwhhh, uwhwhwhwoohh, uhhhh whwuuahauh!”
The Tomahawk Chop. Goddamn, the Tomahawk Chop. This is the one thing currently in football that pulls off the five-fer of offensive, irritating, moronic, mindlessly random, and freaking endless. To think that we raised such a stink over the Wave. Even if you can overlook what an insult it is to our First Nation peoples (and don’t give me that crap about “They’re completely fine with it!”…I’d like to hear it from them, if you don’t mind), or how utterly stupid it looks, or that insultingly inane pseduo-Amerind chanting, or how it goes on and on and on and on and on…why the hell does it always pop up completely at random?? I mean, I mourned along with the rest of the country the Eagles got a fight song for Reimu knows why, and THAT had to be the year all ten dice came up sixes and they won the damn Super Bowl, which of course made that stupid fight song a more or less permanent fixture. But at least they always play it at the same time, i.e. when the Eagles score a touchdown. Simple. Predictable. Sensible. The Tomahawk Chop always festers up completely at random, triggered by everything and anything, sometimes by nothing.
Rooting for the 49ers by some modest amount. The closing line should suffice.
Should be fun! See you afterward!