I don’t usually post emails like this, but I thought this one was cute, lots of true ‘inside’ jokes. Enjoy:
YOU MIGHT BE FROM JERSEY IF…
You don’t understand why there aren’t more 24-hour diners elsewhere in
the country.
You know what a Wawa is, and know the location of at least 15 of them.
You think a mountain is that big freakin’ hill in Atlantic Highlands.
You know Asbury Park is no longer the mecca of East Coast resort towns.
Even though there’s a new Walmart in your town, you still go to the
Englishtown Auction for cheap stuff.
You can name all the flavors of salt water taffy.
Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April and May.
You buy Shop-Rite brand food at Shop-Rite.
You can smell and know when it’s low tide.
The Jets/Giants game has started fights at your school and/or local bar.
There are no self serve gas stations and you like it that freakin’
way… “yous gotta problem wit dat?”
You’ve had sex on the beach, and I’m not talking about the beverage.
You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle.
You know what skeeball is and you can get three 50’s in a row.
You think the Olive Garden is crap and should have never opened any
restaurants in New Jersey.
You’ve run out of money on the Parkway.
You’re Italian.
You know where to get the best bagel.
Donald Trump is mentioned at least daily in your local paper.
You say “water” weird. (Wadder, Cawfee, Dowg, wadever)
Even your school made good Italian subs.
You’ve lived through hurricanes, nor’easters and fires, but have never
seen a tornado, earthquake, tsunami or volcano.
You can’t believe MTV went to Seaside Heights.
You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros. creation.
You only go to New York City for day trips.
You know what a “jug handle” is.
You have mandatory recycling. Enforced by law.
You’ve eaten a pork roll and cheese on a hard roll…and like it.
You go to at least one parade at the boardwalk each year.
You’ve pondered, “Maybe basketball would be more popular in New Jersey
if the Nets didn’t blow,”
You can go bowling at 1:30 A.M. (with automatic scoring)!
In high school, you worked at a Friendly’s.
Route 18 doesn’t freak you out at night.
Because your town was founded before 1776, all the restaurants, taverns,
and shops have “ye,” “olde,” and “colonial” in their names.
You don’t have to go to red lobster to get fresh seafood.
You once said, “It smells like New York in here,”
You’ve waited for the goddamn drawbridge for more than 20 damn minutes.
At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen.
There’s a fruit and vegetable stand down the road.
“Anyone who makes bad pizza can go to hell” is your attitude.
You always use a minimum of 10 variations of the word “damn” while
driving.
You don’t take any shit from anybody. Especially from someone from New
York, because you live here for christ’s sake and just who the hell do they
think they are anyway? Invading our damn beaches and bars, they’re just here
for the damn summer and they think they own the damn place and…
You’ve gone to the race track with twenty different daily double bets
from twenty different people
You’ve spent St Patrick’s day in Belmar.
You know that there are bakeries which are not part of a supermarket,
but actual individual stores.
You’ve ordered a “hard roll with butter” for breakfast.
One time, a sea gull shit on your head.
You’ve eaten at a Windmill, drunk off your ass, at 3am at least a dozen
times.
You know what a “benny” is and can pick one out at the beach.
You’ve planned a local trip around ensuring you pass at least one
Dunkin’ Donuts.
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive.
I’ve lived in Jersey for just over a year. Obviously I’ve missed the entire cultural experience and have more research to do. The one thing I have down is this: I think shooting a cab driver should be considered self-defense. Maybe there should be a limit…say you can kill up to 10 per year.
But at least I know what real mountains and volcanoes look like. And I refuse to talk like an east-coaster.
Though I can answer “yes” to many of those, there’s a strong “down the shore” ambiance to the whole thing. Maybe the North Jersey experience isn’t as unique. (I mean, what’s the difference between Bergen and Westchester? In Westchester, the goombahs are still Jewish and Irish.)
I was expecting a lot more mob jokes, though. Gotta work on that. The ol’ “trash-hauling” bidness has been very good for NJ.
I’m your only friend
I’m not your only friend
But I’m a little glowing friend
But really I’m not actually your friend
But I am
LOL! Great list, although like Green Bean I’m just a New Yorker who’s picked up on the Jersey lifestyle. Item #1 caught me a lot of flak when I wondered that out loud in the fair state of Oregon.
Another item to add to the list - when you watch the intro to The Sopranos,, you know exactly where Tony’s driving…
Hey! That OP should be titled to anyone south of RT 78 in jersey. “If you think a mountain is that big freakin hill in atlantic highlands” All I can say is northern NJ is ALL mountain…ever hear of High Point state park? It ain’t the rockies,but…
Listen Mr. My-Mountains-are-Bigger-Than-Your-Mountains…
Aw, heck. I got nothin’ to say. I just wanted to call ya that, Rich.
Ever notice the ad for Pantagis Renaissance says that it is “nestled in the foothills of the Watchung Mountains.” Which is a pathetic euphemism for “Right on Route 22.” :rolleyes:
<pissing contest>
I live in northern NJ, and there are NO mountains here. There are a few mounds of dirt that are big enough to qualify as foothills, but no mountains. Where I come from, The mountains go a full mile above the surrounding land, right at the east edge of the city. That’s 3 1/2 world trade centers stacked on top of each other, so there!
oh, and when we went to school it was uphill both ways, with waist-deep snow and used mouse pads for shoes (what do you want? it’s a modern fairy tale), and it was 18 miles! and even if the school was only 2 miles away, we walked back and forth nine times, because times were hard, and a nickel would get you a movie, a large popcorn and a soda, a new dining room set and a used buick, and there would still be enough left over to pay the rent where there were 127 of us living in a shoebox in the middle o’ the road! But we were happy because we had VALUES in those days, and…
ahem sorry. got carried away.
Anyway, there are no mountains on the east coast. hehe
</pissing contest>
Wow! Didn’t mean to start a “my mountains are bigger than yours” debate!((hence the qualifier I put in…(it ain’t the Rockies…but…)).
Yeah…I know mountains too,having lived in Idaho and Wyoming for several years.All I was saying is that High point is just a BIT taller than “That big freakin’ hill in Atlantic Highlands”.((I think High Points elevation is 1608 ft,somebody correct me if I am Wrong))
It ain’t the Rockies but at least I can get a good bagel ((and a good pizza)) here!
