I have very short hair. 1/8th of an inch, to be exact. The reason my hair is so short is simple: I am going bald and want to do it gracefully. No comb-overs for me. With my hair as short as it is, the thin patches don’t stand out in contrast to the regular stuff nearly as much, plus when I actually get a bald spot, it won’t look as bad.
But this hasn’t stopped people from asking me if I’m a Skinhead. People like my mother for example.
Me: “Hi mom.”
Mom: “You shaved your head!”
Me: “I know, I’m going bald, remember?”
Mom: “You look like a Skinhead!”
Me: “Gee, thanks mom.”
Or this:
Buddy1: “I’m going to cut my son’s hair really short.”
Me: “Oh yeah, like this?”
B1: “No, I don’t want him to look like a Skinhead.”
Me: Sigh
This was nice:
Buddy2: “Wow, you cut your hair off!”
Me: (Ignoring the idiocy of stating the blindingly obvious) “Yup.”
B2: “So are you, like, a racist Skinhead now?”
Me: “Die!” thump…thud
And finally:
Stranger: “Are you a Skinhead?”
Me: screams incoherently
What the hell? Do people go up to, say, Vin Diesel and ask him if he’s a skinhead? Bruce Willis? How about Michael freakin Jordan? Seeing as I’m 6’1", 280lbs, and can bench-press a horse, you’d think that people would keep their moronic questions to themselves, but no.
So, what should my standard response be to the question “Are you a Skinhead?” I don’t want to pull out anything old and trite, like “No, do you still beat your wife/husband/SO/etc?” It’s got to be something original, so I’m asking for your help, Pitizens. I know y’all can come up with something good.
