How about Bouvet? I’ve no problem with my relatives, but there are a few people I wouldn’t mind sending there.
Has your kitty tried the Fancy Feast souffle food yet? Mine is so spoiled by it that she turns her nose up to the regular stuff now.
Shhhhhh!
(they read my computer. I swear!)
You know how when you cook a hamburger for supper and it’s kind of questionable and you eat it anyway? Yeah, don’t do that. I’m exhausted from being up at 4 in the morning due to the rampant…hamburger escaping.
Funny. She didn’t *look *Druish. 
I couldn’t resist. Sorry.
Please take your harassment elsewhere. If you will notice, I was having a brief convo with one poster, and others had to take shit out of context and run with it. Then, due to request and because I’m sick of this shit too, I dropped it. Now, 16 posts later, you have to come in to spread more lies.
Get over yourself.
Back to the regularly scheduled mini-rants.
Is there some named law, a la Murphy’s or Poe’s, that states that, the number of friends/family members/colleagues one encounters in public is inversely proportionate to the amount of time one spent on grooming before going out in public?
There should be.
Damn it, mom. You whine and bitch and complain and carry on like a little child because dad cut the cable. Yeah, it was a stupid thing to do. It isn’t the first time he’s done it. Then you started complaining (in basically the same breath) that all of your friends had smart phones or iPads and you didn’t. I pointed out that dad had one, but it’s his, so you refuse to use it. I showed you how, using either my comcast ID or my sister’s, you could watch the cable news programs live over your wifi.
So that sister and I got together, spoke to our dad and our other sister and decided yesterday to get you an iPad for Christmas. My sister ordered it today and was ready to go pick it up from the store when our dad called her. Told her that you were whining and carrying on so bad that he went out and got you a smartphone, because you demanded one and said you’d pay for it.
Ok, so not great of dad to do that when we were already buying you an iPad. Fortunately, sister was able to cancel the order in time.
But you’re the woman who doesn’t use her current cellphone, who leaves it turned off 99% of the time and is known for calling people on it when you’re away from home, then turning it off and wondering why people don’t get back to you. Repeatedly. Seriously, you listen to the messages like 5 days later the next time you turn it on, and you still wonder why people aren’t getting back to you? WE ARE, your damned phone is off and all we can do is leave a voicemail you don’t listen to for 5 fucking days.
So now you’re going to have to pay $80 a month for a smart phone. That you will turn off 99% of the time. You won’t be able to read the screen. We know that, why don’t you? You might be able to listen to your precious Fox News, but you won’t be able to watch it. Or more likely, you’ll whine about how hard it is to watch it on the tiny screen and WISH you had an iPad.
Oh, and you could have texted on your existing phone. You just never learned how. Good luck with that on your new phone…
Come on, what did the poor Polar Bears in Svalbard ever do to you?!
Yeah, what she said!!! Not to mention that I’m the one who asked her about it. Curley didn’t bring it up herself.
Our carpet covered stairs don’t have lifters, only risers. (Or maybe I’ve got that backwards) Now that Baker is feeling well enough to get into trouble again, he has learned to clumb up the stairs from the underside. This is all well and good, its funny to watch him, but poor declawed Lucky keeps trying to follow Baker and he keeps falling off.
Thankfully, we have Buttercup. She lurves her Luckycat and runs around under the stairs crying until Lucky falls off and then saves him with her body. The poor lil girl doesn’t yet understand that a front declawed kitty still has back claws.
Why do you hate the penguins? 
You should start a YouTube channel: The Adventures of Luckycat. There can be a whole series on getting trapped in various things (trash can, drawers, closet), another series on falling off the stairs, and a buddy series featuring the hapless Luckycat and his brave companion Buttercup.
I would pay actual hard-earned money to watch this.
We visited a cottage this year with the dogs that had uncarpeted steps set up the same way. The dogs were hilarious the first day, paws sliding through, panic, Mojo tiptoeing up and down the stairs with wild eyes. Less than 24 hrs later you’d never know they hadn’t grown up there. Chasing each other around without a blink. Gave me high hopes for the terrible horrible thing we’ve planned for them in May (moving)
We’ve got spiral staircases with no lifters–the dog will happily traverse the carpeted one in a corner, but he won’t go anywhere near the slidey wood ones where he can see the whole living room between every step.
Dear daughter’s pre-pre-school nursery, if it turns out you did actually give my daughter Irn Bru[1] to drink today… well, I don’t know WHAT I’ll do, but I’ll sure as hell do something. Possibly something loud involving talking to your bosses.
Currently I only have the word of a two year old for it, but she sounded pretty convincing when she pointed at a can and asked why she was drinking that at nursery today and that it tasted “fizzy”.
[1] Sugarly, additive laden, artificial colour and flavour laden fizzy drink. Think more like Mountain Dew than coke. Not intended for TWO YEAR OLDS.
But…it’s made from girders. They’re just making sure she’s not anemic.
(No Irn-Bru is another thing wrong with this place. Must try to wangle a visit to Anstruther this trip home for a fish supper and some Irn-Bru.)
They were having a (slightly early) St Andrews day party. I suppose I should just be grateful they didn’t give her Bell’s whisky[1].
I think Anstruther lost the Best Fish&Chip Shop 2013 award by the way!
[1] Mostly because it’s a cheap blend. If she must underage booze, it should at least be a decent single malt 
I would also like to see this. I’m not sure if I’d actually pay to watch the series, but I would like to see it. I do have my own incredibly stupid cat who regularly falls off the bed and the cat tower. She’s quite nimble, she just gets excited and starts rolling around, and next thing she knows, she’s run out of flat surface.
Side note, because I’m obsessive this way:
Risers - the vertical part of a staircase which protects wayward cats and dogs from sliding through and falling off the stairs through the back.
Runners - the horizontal part of a staircase on which the wayward cats and dogs learn to carefully walk when they are going up and down stairs without risers.
Yours courtesy of the Things You Never Really Cared About department. Now back to your daily mini-rants.
Roddy
Thank you. I actually care if I got that wrong. 
I had never even thought of what to call the vertical part until I went to type that, and I always thought “risers” were the horizontal parts.
Ignorance fought.