'No' Means November Rants

Even better, now everytime your mom starts complaining about how her iphone doesn’t work…you can just shrug and say “I dunno, Mom. I don’t have one of your fancypants phones, maybe ask Dad?”

Ok leave out the fancypants part, but do remind her that she has the coolest and newest tech toy ever and that you are still aspiring to obtain one.

Or, while she’s trying to figuring things out…she might accidently delete the phone icon. Then she couldn’t call to complain about anything.

I need to lay off the cream sherry. Or maybe I should be drinking it more often…I don’t know.

Today, I was reading a story where the author misused penulitmate. Thats one of my serious peeves, authors are wordsmiths, bards and to keep people engaged with and set aside their disbelief, they need to be as accurate as possible.

So, of course I wrote the author a very long and strongly worded email about the misuse of language. Then I drank a few sips of sherry, deleted my email that he wouldn’t have bothered to read anyhow and then sent him an email that basically said “Dude, I love your stories, but penulitmate doesn’t mean what you think it does.” as long with a link.

This stuff is making me all civilized and calm and willing to make complicated deserts. Good thing the bottle is almost empty.

Sounds like I need to recant my advice: what you should be making is bizcochos borrachos… (brandy-soaked sponge cakes)

Eh, not so much. I have an iPad. The screen will look the same, it will act the same, except that her iPhone allegedly makes phone calls too. :stuck_out_tongue:

And I don’t want a smart phone. I pay $20 a month (pay as you go) for the phone I have now. I cannot imagine what I would do on a smartphone that would make it worth the extra $60-80 a month, that I don’t already do on my iPad. Unlike some, I can actually live without a 24/7 internet connection.

Ahem

Allow me…

*Oh holy fuck,
why are the lines so daaaamned long,
it is the day where we all shop a ton
Each fucking verse
Of every fucking Yuuuuule song
on the PA makes me wish for a gun.

My thrill of hope
While crusing 'round for parking
Was dashed to bits
(a moped in my spot)

If I
Fa-a-a-all on my knees
the cro-o-owds will crush my ribcage!
A twe-e-e-elve dollar Wii
Means more to them
Than my slow ass

On Blaaaack Friday
I must keep up
Or watch all the great deals pass!*

Okay, let’s get the December Rants thread started…

What did he think it means?

I never knew this word existed until my wife said it in Portuguese. I asked her what it meant and she explained “don’t you have a word for next to last?” I thought it was pretty spiffy to have a word just for that, so imagine my surprise when I found out we have had it all along.

It’s not the first time I have learned a common English word by way of her language (via cognates).

We even have a word (or it can be easily constructed, as Flanders and Swann did some years ago (at 2:04)) for third from last. I give you

antepenultimate.
Roddy

At a guess, the writer thought it meant “more than ultimate (where ultimate means ‘the best’)”; so, “the bestest”. I’ve seen that usage before, apparently some people think that any prefix they can’t identify readily means “more”.

My mom does this with the smaller tree in the dining room (the fake presents part, not the theme)! She just selected several papers she liked, and wrapped some empty boxes. The wrapped, empty boxes go into storage every year with the rest of the Christmas decorations.

We’ve never had a themed tree, unless you count Snoopy/Peanuts stuff and pickle ornaments…Dad worked in the pickle industry, and everyone at some point seemed to think it would be so cute to get us one of these pickle ornaments. They’re a German tradition, dontcha know. Bet you’ve never seen one like it! At the time of Dad’s death, we had over 22 pickle ornaments of various sizes. I think a lot of the cheaper-looking ones were donated or given away; I don’t remember seeing them in the box with the ornaments that we don’t put on the tree anymore (due to their excessive size or outdated light strand requirements).

From about 1993 until 2000, Mom started buying duplicates of the Hallmark Keepsake Snoopy ornaments in preparation for the day when I would have A Place of My Own. (For some odd reason, very few of these duplicates went with me to college, even though I did end up with my own place and no roommates.) Every Hallmark ornament still has its original box, and often the original packing materials too. Unboxing everything is a labor-intensive process that involves several rooms and multiple serving pieces to contain the miniature ornaments. She still unboxes the duplicates – hence the extra tree. I’ve managed to convince her that we really don’t need the oversized ornaments (with the exception of some of the Lenox ornaments, which seem to have been designed to be placed on a table rather than a tree). She’s also fond of snowmen ornaments…like your mom’s angel ornaments, these range from super-cute to somewhat scary-looking. Fortunately, we’re both fond of older-looking glass ornaments (I have a fairly decent set of these from the now-defunct Discovery Channel Store), so there is some variety to the trees. Now I just need to convince her that she would save quite a bit of time if she would just set all the duplicates aside unless they’re absolutely necessary.

After the ornaments come the icicles. One. strand. at. the. time. >.< It’s like a big silver wig for the tree.

Speaking of Snoopy, Mom has had the Charlie Brown Christmas CD on the changer since Thanksgiving. Of 2012. :smack: Right now, she has Kenny G blasting. :smack:

There’s a new rants thread here. :slight_smile:

You name your food?! :eek:

You’re squeamish about that? http://www.twolumps.net/d/20131129.html

Dear Lynn, thanks for making me waste the evening reading Eben and Snooch.

Why yes :stuck_out_tongue: Doesn’t everybody?

No, not squeamish, I just thought it was amusing.