No more color-coded terror alerts, as of April 27th

[fuzzypickles]

From Yahoo! News:

WASHINGTON – By the end of April, terror threats to the U.S. will no longer be described in shades of green, blue, yellow, orange and red, The Associated Press has learned.

The nation’s color-coded terror warning system will be phased out beginning this week, according to government officials familiar with the plan. The officials requested anonymity to speak ahead of an announcement scheduled Thursday by Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano.

The Homeland Security Department and other government agencies have been reviewing the Homeland Security Advisory System’s usefulness for more than a year. One of the most notable changes to come: The public will no longer hear automated recordings at U.S. airports stating that the threat level is orange.

This totally sucks – how will I know when to be irrationally afraid?

[jjimm]

Go for Rastafarian alerts:

Aiiit.

'S all ree.

Wut?!

Git off me!

CRITICALL.

[Icarus]

For ease of understanding, instead of colors they will now designate a series of animals, each level being more frightening. As I understand it, the levels will be:

[ul]
[li]Bunny (not frightening at all)[/li][li]Mosquito (slightly annoying)[/li][li]Rat (icky, kinda scary)[/li][li]Snake (scary)[/li][li]Wolf (Terrifying)[/li][/ul]

Of course, the current threat level is Wolf.

[Taomist]

You mean the Norfolk, VA airport won’t be level orange? It’s been level orange for a solid 10 years; I am not sure what people will do with no orange.

[Covered_In_Bees]

@fuzzypickles

This totally sucks – how will I know when to be irrationally afraid?

Obviously the point is for you/us to be irrationally afraid all the time.

[EvilTOJ]

It took them 10 years to figure out that everyone ignores it if it’s only ever two colors; Agent Orange and Terror Red? Our government inaction.

[Double_Foolscap]

This quote seems appropriate:

@American Dad

Francine, you be very careful out there today, we’re at terror alert orange! Which means something might go down somewhere in some way at some point in time - so look sharp!

Maybe news shows could have klaxons going off at random intervals just to keep us fearful.

[BobLibDem]

Just keep your eye on Speaker Boehner. The higher the terror threat, the deeper shade of orange on his face.

[GuanoLad]

It’s also about time they decommissioned the Richter Scale, especially since geologists don’t use it.

[Rhythmdvl]

@Icarus

For ease of understanding, instead of colors they will now designate a series of animals, each level being more frightening. As I understand it, the levels will be:

[ul]
[li]Bunny (not frightening at all)[/li][li]Mosquito (slightly annoying)[/li][li]Rat (icky, kinda scary)[/li][li]Snake (scary)[/li][li]Wolf (Terrifying)[/li][/ul]

Of course, the current threat level is Wolf.

Badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers…

[shiftless]

I predict we will move to a Panic level system:

1. Minimal panic: Continue to avoid liquids in contains larger than 3 oz. Still OK to turn in anyone to the authorities if you don’t like their looks.
2. Pretty scary out there: Wear tinfoil anti-terror hat at all times
3. They’re coming for us: Duct tap and plastic. Seal your home from outside air.
4. Arab seen in your neighborhood: Start forming mobs. But don’t come out of the basement.
5. Run: Run! Just run, there’s no time to think.

[Machine_Elf]

At least we weren’t using the Iraqi Terror Alert System.

[Tom_Scud]

@Rhythmdvl

Badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers…

Yeah,

1 Mushroom
2 Badger
3 Snake

would be simpler.

[Freddy_the_Pig]

One of the most notable changes to come: The public will no longer hear automated recordings at U.S. airports stating that the threat level is orange.

Nooooooooooo! I just love hearing those announcements every ten minutes, while I’m stuck in hell at the airport waiting ten hours because every flight was cancelled.

I especially love the way there was always a pregnant pause before “orange”, as if the level might have changed in the last ten minutes.

Glad to know I can still hear it until April, though. We wouldn’t want to be too hasty about this.

[Chefguy]

@GuanoLad

It’s also about time they decommissioned the Richter Scale, especially since geologists don’t use it.

They could simplify it to:

Shake
Rattle
Roll

[brad_d]

Since the damn system was implemented, the color has never been lower than yellow. Good riddance - it was meaningless.

[Icarus]

@Rhythmdvl

Badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers…

…geeez…does no one get the “boy who cried wolf” reference??

[Marley23]

This has me feeling kind of goldenrod.

[Infovore]

I like Ron White’s version (from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour):
Phase one: Get a helmet.
Phase two: Put on the damn helmet.

[Waffle_Decider]

I prefer this alert system:

Lion
Terrorist
Godzilla