No sex please, I’m a vegan

From Michael Quinion’s “World Wide Words” (

let the wisecracks begin.

What’s the only kind of meat that nuns are allowed to eat on Fridays?

Couldn’t they just use vegan full-body condoms or something?

Those Meatist Motherfuckers!

First thing that came to mind.

I presume contact with cucumbers is veggiesexually approved, though?

Not if their mothers eat meat.

It would kind of have to be.

I’m sure Darwin would approve of this curtailing of their reproductive opportunities.

But what about Bad veggies? Thinks back to that very bad tree which took advantage of the girl in ‘Evil Dead

“Sorry, Ash, but I like harder wood…” :eek:

So, like, this isn’t the same Annie Potts who was in the sitcom “Designing Women”, right?

Q: If vegans consume no product of animal origin, does it follow that vegan females, or gay vegan males don’t allow baby batter to enter their mouths?

So…how long does one have to be off meat before they can be considered “acceptable” for the sexing-up? I have to assume that most vegans consumed animal products at some point in their lives, even if it was when they were children. Does a vegansexual require their sexual partners to have been off meat for seven years to give the body a chance to replace all the meat-laden cells? Serious question, if there are any vegansexuals on the board.

I’m trying to remember how many times I’ve heard this comment before. :rolleyes: If their partner isn’t consenting or is somehow exploited by the act - which is the common explanation behind ethical veganism - there are worse problems involved than the consumption of a “meat”-based protein.

Asimovian - I’ve never heard the “made of meat” excuse before, but I have read comments that the body of a meat-eater smells bad, compared to a veg’s body, and thus they were less pleasant to be so close to.

Hmm. Well that makes some sense on a practical level, I suppose. But if you’re raising a moral objection, you’ve got to draw a line somewhere, don’t you?

My question is, if meat-eaters are Unfuckable, wouldn’t they also be Untouchable? I mean, what difference is there between touching sexually and touching casually, when discussing cells?

I found sex with a vegan woman to be disappointing. There was no position that really worked: with me on top, the sound of her fragile bones cracking was a distraction; when she’d get on top, she’d only last a couple of minutes before passing out from exertion; and rear-entry was out because it was “disrespectful to dogs.”

Finally I just let her sleep, warmed a chuck roast in my microwave, and had my way with it. Unfortunately my date awoke and walked in mid-act. We didn’t really see each other after that.

Good point. But at the same time, I think about how I don’t necessarily mind shaking hands with someone who is dirty and/or sweaty because washing my hands afterward is a simple task. I’m not female, but I can imagine that being penetrated by someone dirty is a little different. I’d guess the vegansexual might make a similar argument.

If you’re talking about sexual contact that does not involve penetration or an exchange of bodily fluids, then I’d agree that I don’t really see a difference either.

I know a vegan who got engaged to her “soul mate,” spent the night with him, and found out the next morning that he consumed a cup of coffee with cream every morning. That was his only animal food consumption, but she immediately broke it off and claimed she had to go to bed for two weeks to recover.

People are stranger than Jim Morrison ever imaged.

Fifteen minutes after reading this post, I found myself with a certain song stuck in my head. Thanks a LOT. :stuck_out_tongue: