There is a moment when I am willing to try dancing. That moment is the minute between my
3rd and 4th drink. So please, don’t ask.
I’ve been goaded into dancing before. Not my cup of tea. Kind of like being goaded into playing hockey. If I PLAYED hockey I’d be more interested. Never really learned to dance beyond the beer holding hand waving shuffle.
I’ve also declined politely with the excuse of old sports injuries. Not hugely fond of shifting my weight back and forth because of all the prior broken bones in my feet.
That is crap. What you just wrote I mean.
I’ve been pressured to dance before (even though I’m a feminist, who according to the_diego, should be using the dance floor as a battlefield) and I’ve been pressured/forced into sex before. Your false equivalency is pretty ridiculous and offensive.
Dance or don’t dance. Who cares. Do what someone else suggested and remove yourself from the edge of the dance floor. They can’t pressure you if they can’t locate you.
Sorry, that’s just factually untrue. I’m that kind of person, and I know other people like me.
mmm pretty much wins the debate right here. Way to go! I usually hate to dance also.
Sorry, but I assure you I hear it often enough, though we may be 180 degrees longit apart. No sense in either denying or apologizing for it.
What the hell? :rolleyes:
That was a response to this:
Having sex with someone you’re not attracted to won’t kill you either. What you want is not relevant. Doing something nice for another person for a few minutes won’t kill you. Lay down, open your legs, wiggle your hips a bit, smile.
Thank you for getting my point, PatriotGrrrl.
You’ve heard this sentence–“Don’t you know there’s nothing more embarrassing for a girl than to be refused to a dance by a man?”
I’ve never heard it, nor anything like it. What’s more, if I did, I’d immediately peg the idiot saying it as an antifeminist moron. I don’t believe you’ve heard that sentence, and I categorically deny a person saying it is a feminist, as a matter of definition.
In all fairness, Ranger Jeff, when I read that response I said to myself, Oh, dear, people are now going to go on that it’s an offensive analogy. Seeming to comparing anything to rape is understandably Godwinish for a lot of people, would not have used it myself to avoid a derail.
And that saying the_diego quotes does not sound at all “feminist” to me either. Closer to some sort of Game/Rules bull, trying to lay down a guilt trip to get someone to react.
There’s no need to turn it into an ideological/gender battle. It’s a simple matter of preference and individual autonomy. I ask someone if they want to join in the fun. May be dancing, may be dinner, a baseball game, a drive in the country, a poetry reading. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. If the latter, I take it at face value and move along. Should not be complicated.
True – it ends up being that you DO like/want to dance, but are just facing some inhibitions to be overcome to actually proceed.
The “dancepushers” seem to believe THIS is the norm, and that it’s people like the OP, who plain and simply do not like or want to, that don’t really exist.
Standoff?
you’re completely ignoring the sexual interplay between men and women. Traditionally women try to attract men who in turn do the asking.
And think of England.
Ever been to a pool party and decided you didn’t want to get in the pool? Ever been to a cookout and not be hungry? Just went to a pool party, had a bet with with my girlfriend. I won, 7 people asked me when I was getting in the pool. (she had guessed 3, me 6)The last cookout we went to 5 people asked me when I was going to eat. Really? Food on the table, food on people’s plate. I also don’t mean just one time, continuousy asking. I really don’t need these people to point out the obvious to me, any more than I need people to point out to me that there is music and a dance floor. And please, if someone can tell me a polite way to stop this, i will be indebted. “What is your obsession with me getting into the pool?” didn’t go over very well.
Look, epbrown01’s comment* “Doing something nice for another person for 4 and a half minutes will not kill you. Get up, keep your elbows in, shuffle your feet a bit, smile.”* really pissed me off.
Sure, it was an extreme analogy. I didn’t intend to discount date rape. My intent was to make the point that in both situations, one party has gone beyond asking and is now insisting that another party do something that they have clearly stated they did not want to do. Why should “No” mean “No” in a dating situation but mean “I’m playing coy, but I want you to talk me into it” in a dancing situation?
Unfortunately, most date rapes occur when she says “NO” and he hears “I’m just playing hard to get.”
^
There’s something of a difference here. In a planned party, you’re there to participate (including dancing if that’s the expressed activity.) If it’s just two strangers in the night on the dance floor, it’s something else.
Bottom line, I don’t want to refuse girls in either scenario and I haven’t been to that many parties as a youth. Fortunately, the preference has shifted to Karaoke wherein I can give a fairly good account of myself.
Tell me about it. Not only am I a non-dancer, but I don’t drink alcohol either. Maybe a glass of wine or two with Thanksgiving dinner, but that’s it. I’m not preachy about it or in recovery, just never really acquired the taste. I understand hospitality etiquette requires a host to offer drinks to guests, but shouldn’t it also allow a host to stop offering after a guest has repeatedly said “No. Thank you.”?
Though I guess some might suggest I just get off my high horse and do the host the favor for a couple of minutes by taking the drink and sipping on it.
Note, I say all this as someone that* loathes *dancing as well. If cowboys were shooting at my feet shouting “dance, epbrown01, dance!” I’d likely hold out until I lost a toe or two before starting some half-hearted, limping, bloody jig. I have never gone out hoping to spend an evening dancing.
But at a social gathering, I go ahead and get out there when requested, if I’m not engaged otherwise or don’t foresee a scene brewing (jealous and fuming SO lurking; the requester too tipsy for things to go well).
In large part, because it’s part of socializing - it’s not just about me having a good time, everyone’s there to have a good time. It’s such a tiny thing that helps other enjoy themselves, helps the hosts who invited me get their party going well, and gives my friends a laugh (I really can’t dance). And it often works out that you often have the best time helping others have a good time rather than focusing on just you. Still, when they do the pie chart of my time spent on Earth, I’ll have likely wasted more time on this forum than I’ve spent dancing, with more positive effect on those around me. Pretty much any guy not working as a male stripper can say the same.
From another perspective, someone asking you to dance is asking for your help - your help wth having a good time, a successful evening. And you’re saying “Nope.” Yeah, we don’t like dancing - is any task helping others something we’re all eager to do? Helping others is what good guys do. And conversely, not helping others makes you…
Kinda, yeah.
Dance or not, I really don’t give a shit. But the idea that dancing even when you don’t want to is somehow comparable to rape is just utterly, insanely ridiculous. If you literally feel that way, seek help – you have lost all sense of rationality.
So then ***imposing ***upon someone else that he should “help you have a good time” – not with a need or a compelling goal, but just to become a party in mere entertainment – is something that should override another human’s comfort zone and is to be expected?
If someone I ask to join me in fun sincerely does not want to, s/he has done me no wrong. If s/he feels compelled by a passive-agressive guilt trip to do it I’d rather s/he did not.