As some of you know, I’m getting married and trying to plan a low-key wedding reception that is pleasing to our parents and not completely uncomfortable for us.
The thing we have gotten the most crap for (even more than having a JOP and only 10 people at our ceremony) is that we’re not having dancing at our wedding. We don’t know how to dance, we don’t like it, we’re not interested in learning. We know if we have a dance floor, we will be expected to dance with each other, our parents, the Chicken Dance could happen, etc. Thus, we are not having a DJ but using our iPod to entertain. We’ve compromised on our music choices (less rock, more oldies that we both like) but we’re not giving in on the dancing.
People have actually flat-out told me we have to have dancing, that people will not have a good time without it. My SIL actually told me that I was not being considerate of my guests and that I had to compromise on this. Others have not been so blatant in their criticism but many people have commented on this as not being OK.
I’m not going to change my mind on this. Mike and I are completely in agreement and that’s all that matters. However, I do want people to be honest about this. Would a wedding without dancing suck for you? Would you not have a good time? What is your opinion?
There was no dancing at my wedding, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves from what I can tell through my haze of what the hell I just got married.
The only things you need at your wedding are you, the groom, a celebrant, a certificate and any requisite witnesses. The rest is trimmings.
Of course, I threw a tantrum and told my parents that if they insisted on inviting people to watch us get married and insisted on a reception afterwards, they could plan it themselves. That worked out very nicely. Call it an inverted bridezilla?
I’ve never been to a wedding without dancing. I hate dancing, but I usually get a good buzz on at weddings and dance anyway. At my cousin’s wedding last summer (first cuz to get hitched) my aunts and mom and I all got trashed and had a good ol time dancing to rap and stuff. It was hilarious. We stumbled back to the hotel and post-partied too.
I guess people dance at weddings because it’s something to do besides just talk and sit around. And at least at the receptions I’ve been too, people tend to drink a lot and getting drunk often induces dancing. The only time I will dance is if I am drunk because I lack the dancing gene and feel like a weirdo out there. Bad rhythm. If you plan on having music, people might dance anyway. Don’t need a floor!
To be perfectly honest I sort of think you have to have some dancing available. I hate to tell you that but I really do. You don’t have to do the chicken dance or anything traditional.
I’d at least think of hiring a DJ in case someone does want to dance. They’re very good at keeping things going. Tell them beforehand you aren’t doing tradional wedding stuff.
You don’t have to participate but I think people will be sort of surprised to go to a reception without any dancing. It might be sorta boring. People might just eat and leave. Unless that’s what you want them to do.
I have been to wedding that didn’t have dancing though. But they were mainly second weddings with older crowds during the day at a country club. They did have a piano player or one of those small three piece bands playing in the background.
While this is technically true, the worst wedding I was at had no dancing. Of course, I believe that not even dancing could have saved this wedding. I believe the whole shebang was about 15 minutes long, including the reception. Basically, there was nothing to do – no music, no dancing, just punch and cake. So once the cake was cut, the bride and groom left.
But like I said, not even dancing could save that wedding from being awful. Do what you want to do; screw the rest of the world.
This is true. We just want to talk and sit around. This is going to be the first time I’m meeting Mike’s extended family. Friends and relatives of mine I see once-twice a year are coming in from out of town for this. I really want to talk to them all. I know! Actually being social with people at your wedding without the artificially induced distraction of the Macarena! Unheard of. But I want to try it out as a social experiment.
I’ve been told dancing might break out spontaneously, what with the open bar all night. I might have to leave early if that happens, for real. I know Mike would be out the door with me. We have irrationally strong feelings about this.
Of course you don’t need anything at all other than you two and the JOP.
But I, speaking just for myself, would be disappointed to have no dancing at all. I would not miss the Chicken Dance or The First Dance or the Father Daughter dance or any of that crap. But I would miss my friends and I laughing and screaming the “lyrics” to Mony Mony and “Living on a Prayer” around 2 AM, or shaking our assets to some really good drumming 'round the campfire - depending on the vibe of the wedding.
Far be it from me to try and talk you into anything, but no, to answer your question in another way, I don’t think I would have as good of a time at a *party *with no dancing - be it wedding, New Years or Samhain.
I forgot. Your wedding is going to be at a winery and sort of casual, right? You don’t necessarily have to have dancing. And certainly don’t if you don’t want it. It is your wedding, make it just a big party.
Oh Gawd! The last wedding I attended as a guest had dancing. It was HORRIBLE! Only the some of the wedding party had fun. They were a sad group, tighly packed humping each other on the dance floor with abandon. (The guests were not even served alcohol, though there was a source of booze smuggled in for the wedding party, they were SLOSHED!) Not all the wedding party were dancing either, just the younger crowd. (And the SOs of the wedding party if they weren’t standing up in the wedding, still maybe ten people?) It was all rap, and not even good rap that was played. Only once was the dance floor filled, and that was with the DJ cajoling the guests to get on the dance floor for five minutes. (And I like to dance, too FTR.)
Stick to your guns! Don’t let them bullly you. I’ve been to weddings that didn’t have a dance at the reception and had a lovely time. I think your SIL isn’t very gracious, and a bit of a tyrant socially.
I might see if there is something I could do to help ensure the guests stay entertained at my reception. I only bring the idea up because you seem uncertain, and want to be sure your guests have a good time. You know them best, so you’d know how to help them have fun. (Surely they have been at other parties with no dancing?! Didn’t they have fun then?) I am not sure what, though. Maybe other Dopers have suggestions?
Well since you have the situation of meeting the in-laws and seeing relatives and friends you don’t normally see, I totally get why you want a different reception. Almost all of the weddings I’ve been to were aunts and uncles, and all of us live within 40 mins of each other. We just wanna get drunk when we hang out! There is no need to catch up really. If you’re planning on l longer reception, maybe start it off quiter so everyone can socialize for a couple hours then if people haven’t pooped out, maybe start the music up and see what happens? But I hate when they play the crap macarena and chicken dance and all that. Corny. I’ve never really been to any party without music though.
Ooh. I had a thought which might be the ultimate in tacky but I heard of a girl whose parents are planning an “after party” to her reception for people who want to… you know… carry on. You could get your SIL to organize it and have nothing at all to do with it!
(Really, don’t take wedding advice from me, I’m still cranky that my guestlist got boosted from ten to twelve. And yes, we did indeed just sit around and talk and eat. It was lovely and in spite of my crankiness and the small guest list, a great way to catch up and bond as family.)
myskepticsight the OP said they were playing music, and had what they would be playing worked out already. They just won’t have a dancefloor. (Which is their perogative!)
I don’t trust DJs. I have heard soooo many horror stories, and witnessed them, of DJs playing horrible things, ignoring the play list, etc. At my friend’s wedding last September, the DJ was playing Kenny G during the first course. The groom freaked out, asked me to tell him to change it (I was sitting at the end of the table, so I was the only one who could get out to do it). DJ was eating and didn’t want to get up to change it, gave an attitude. He said, “This is what people listen to while they eat! I’ll change it later.” And had to be asked twice by 2 different people before he changed it. And bitched to the MotG about everyone being so picky about music.
This is not uncommon, from what I’ve heard.
The sooner they leave the sooner I can go home. So yeah, whatever. I’m only a little kidding. See, this is the attitude my SIL deplores as “not caring about my guests.” I care about them getting good food, unlimited booze and wine, and hanging out. Why do I have to care about dancing too? That’d be total bullshit, a show just to please others, zero pleasure and zero happiness for me and Mike. So why should we?
We were going to be total rebels and just play rock, but we’ve given in a bit. We think a mix of stuff like Sinatra and the Rat Pack, Van Morrison, Elvis, Chuck Berry, Louis Armstrong, some of our other favorites thrown in… I need some Tori Amos (my SIL: “no one wants to listen to Tori Amos all night!”). I can sneak in some Tom Waits’ ballady stuff (SIL: “who the HELL is Tom Waits?”), probably. A couple of Hendrix’s mellower tunes (“May This Be Love?” comes to mind). Led Zeppelin’s “Thank You.” Would this be acceptable? Or are we being obnoxious?
I feel bad that this is turning into such a stressful situation for you. I said it in the other thread, I hate wedding and had two of them. They were small, but I know how you feel.
Do what makes the two of you happy. I’m sure it’ll all work out fine.
It’s kind of being a vehicle for me to realize how weird I am, not like other people. The social norms in this situation that come so easily for other people, esp. women, in this situation do not come easily for me. I am odd in thatI don’t want a diamond ring, do not like cut flowers, do not want a big dress, do not like dancing, do not want a lot of people looking at me, thinking “oh what a beautiful bride!” It makes me want to hide under the bed.
I am a teacher, not a social recluse misfit who can’t deal with people. I deal with 100 people a day, no problem, and am the center of attetion for most of it. I guess it’s the idle attention, the focus on how I look, the shallowness of it. It seems so appalling to me.
The dancing thing is part of the whole “making a spectacle” aspect of weddings that I want to avoid. I suspect that a lot of women think of their wedding as an opportunity to be Queen for a Day. The dance floor provides many occasions where the Queen will be shown off. I am not into it. I don’t want to show off. My wedding is not a Broadway show.
Also, let’s not forget that Mike and I do not know how to dance. You’ve seen this, when people have no clue about dancing. It ends up being two people hanging onto each other, rocking back and forth. LAME! It won’t be fun to watch or do. So skip it, right?
The music sounds cool to me. What do your other guests, excluding your SIL like? Have you got some stuff in their they wouldn’t mind? (I’ve decided there probably is no pleasing your SIL at this point.) What, exactly does your SIL listen to? Only the most fresh pop releases, like Britney, Jessica, Christina or Justin? :rolleyes:
Please ignore that glaring error in my previous post. :o I don’t even think I have to point it out, it’s so big. Sheesh! I have no explanation for it either…
Not really sure why you are asking since you already have your mind made up and don’t care what people think. Personally, depending on the setting, the size of the group, and the type of people invited, I think people can have a fine time without the traditional dancing thing at a reception. I think it would go over better with a smaller guest list.
I would like it noted for everyone (not just you Rubystreak - I’m not picking on you) that says “it’s your day” and “it’s about you”, etc. That the wedding ceremony is about the Bride and Groom, the reception is not. The reception is about the guests. A wedding reception is the first party that the newly married couple hosts together. Last time I checked, when you host a party you consider your guests and their preferences.
Whatever you decide, I hope it goes wonderfully and everyone has a great time.
Others have not been so blatant in their criticism but many people have commented on this as not being OK.
