Oh, but I do care what people think. I want them to be happy and have a good time. I guess I’m incredulous that people could honestly assert that it will not be possible to have a good time without dancing. I thought that could not be true, but wanted to ask people who have no stake in this.
The previous thread about weddings really helped me a lot. I compromised a good bit on my original idea due to a Dope thread about having a wedding in my yard. The perspective was invaluable. I’m hoping, of course, to have my own views validated here. If they are not, I will think on it more, but probably won’t change my mind, or will try to come up with some compromise.
I agree. I am focusing on food, drink, and conversation for this. I never have dancing at any of my parties at my house, which people enjoy, and am not sure why this should be different. I sincerely want to hang out with my friends and relatives, and get to know Mike’s family. That’s the purpose of this party, for me. But if dancing is so inherent to a wedding that it can’t be enjoyed without it, and I’m being an inconsiderate jerk who will ruin my own party by omitting it, I do want to know that now, before it’s too late.
Your wedding, your way. If you don’t want to dance, don’t. If you don’t want to be pestered to dance, don’t have a dancefloor (because otherwise people will nag you).
It’s entirely possible to have fun at a wedding without dancing–I don’t dance at all, and I still had a blast at the last wedding I went to. Of course, that was my niece’s pirate-themed wedding, and it’s awkward dancing with a cutlass on your hip, no matter what you see in the movies. Some people danced, but most of us sat and talked (and ate, and drank, and sang shanties and drinking songs…)
I’ve been to two receptions recently where there was no dancing. Both were quite casual and very fun.
The first was on a giant sailboat. No dance floor. We were having enough trouble moving about after a few drinks anway. Dancing would have led to guests falling overboard.
The second was in a historic house. Again, there wasn’t really any room for a dance floor. There were lots of small rooms where people congregated, chatted, and generally had fun. I hadn’t even thought about the fact that there was no dancing until I read your OP. It was a lot more like a “party” than a “reception” (they also skipped the cake cutting, bouquet tossing, and garter throwing stuff), but it sounds like that’s what you want.
If you planned your reception for a big banquet hall or something, it would seem odd not to have dancing. But since yours is in a winery, it seems fine to me. Wineries aren’t typical dancing places.
I would personally be very disappointed if I went to the wedding of an acquaintance and there was no dancing… it’s my favorite thing to do at weddings, second only to eating. But if it were my best friend or someone close to me? Well, I wouldn’t care, I’d just be thrilled to be there.
Look, I just did the married thing about six months ago. We were on a very tight budget and everyone else’s demands on what our wedding was supposed to be became very stressful. By the time we got married, I was just like, “I DON’T CARE LET IT BE OVER WITH!” And yet… it turned out to be the best day ever. Seriously, from start to finish, it was flawless… because it was about sharing this moment with all of the people who had supported us as a couple. During the planning I thought of it entirely as a gift to my family, something I was doing for them, not us. And yet when the day actually arrived, it was completely and entirely ours as well as theirs.
We did not have a DJ. We had a bunch of my favorite songs on my MP3 Player hooked up to my Mom’s stereo. We danced on a slanted driveway about ten feet from the oak tree under which we married, and if a song came on that we didn’t feel like hearing, I’d run over and skip the track. It was an absolute blast.
It’s your day, do what you want to do. The sad thing is just how stressed this is making you. There’s absolutely no point in stressing out about it, because if this is really truly the person you want by your side for the rest of your life, then absolutely nothing can ruin your day. The meaning is not in the details, it’s in who you have there to share it with you.
I was to a NYC wedding that had no dancing, but it was at a Chinese restaurant with somthing like 30 courses. And it was noon-5pm. Because of the length of the meal, we didn’t really mingle after dinner, which was one downside. But the food was tops and we had the usual coctail hour beforehand, so I had a good time.
Anyhow…
You are joking, right? Why would it bother you if other people dance, without dragging you in? To be honest, if traveled to a wedding, I would be very upset if the bride and groom left early. If you’re asking for opinions, I think its okay to not set up a dance floor, but a ‘no spontaneous dancing’ policy is a bit much for a low key reception with open bar.
I think your wedding sounds lovely. I have to admit to liking dancing but as long as there’s good food and people and tunes it’s still a fantastic party.
If you’re aiming for a weddingy dinner party…I think no dancing is perfectly fine.
My wedding had no dancing. Our reception was a buffet dinner at the Acme Oyster House in New Orleans, after which a bunch of us went back to our suite and just hung out all night. Most who were present call it the best wedding they’ve ever attended.
One of my best friends got married a few months ago. They wanted to have the wedding in the afternoon, but they also wanted to have the big reception with dinner and the usual bad wedding DJ, except they didn’t want to have alcohol. So we had dinner at about 4:30, followed by a painful couple of hours of half-hearted dancing by the slim portion of the crowd willing to dance while 100% sober. The crowd thinned quickly, and it ended mercifully around 7:00.
Where I grew up (a dry county in rural eastern KY), the standard wedding reception involves cake and punch in the fellowship hall at the Baptist church, and that’s about it. Since I used to play piano, I went to a lot of weddings back in those days, so I’d say a big majority of the weddings I’ve attended had no dancing at all.
(My favorite wedding dancing moment: some friends of mine had the usual Catholic wedding with the usual horrid wedding DJ playlist. When the “old people” finally left, the bride and groom took over the sound system and fired up the KMFDM.)
My wedding had no dancing (quick trip to the courthouse, dinner and drinks afterward), and neither did my sister’s second wedding this past weekend (held at their house).
IMHO, your job as host is to provide refreshments and entertainment (in this case, music and conversation). The guests’ job is to be, well, good guests, which means sharing in your joy, enjoying what festivities are present, and not pissing and moaning about how they think the party should be arranged.
Weddings are a major celebration, and dancing is an important way for humans to express celebration. That being said, I have an interesting story you should hear.
I have never seen my parents dance in my life. Not so much as tapping their feet or bobbing their head to a rhythm. Not once. They are truly the anti-dancers.
And one day I saw the video of their wedding. Guess what? They danced. And they actually looked happy (another way I rarely, if ever, saw my parents).
You’re only going to have one wedding (between the two of you, at least. Most likely). And then you’re going to live out the rest of your life and die. And then you’ll be dead, rotting away in a box.
My point? Don’t miss that opportunity. It’s really not a big deal - everyone is self-conscious of themselves far more than they are looking at you (even when it’s your wedding).
I’m wondering why it bothers you if other people dance. Aside from that, I can see where you’re coming from; I don’t dance, either. My boyfriend used to, but now his knee bothers him enough that he doesn’t have any interest in it. That suits me fine. Now if I can just talk him into eloping (he wants a traditional ceremony, I don’t)…
There was no dancing at my wedding. Nobody appeared to miss it and we received no criticism. My parents were just happy to see me married off to a nice woman.
I grew up in a congregation that (at the time, don’t know now) didn’t allow dancing in the church.
Outside of the church building, it was fine. And it was a perfectly acceptable pasttime for anyone who cared to do it. But not on the property. So, anyone who wanted to get married and have their reception at the church didn’t dance (they didn’t drink either. also not done on site) I know that some couples chose to have their reception elsewhere. I also know some saw it as a way to save a ton of money.
So, I’ve been to plenty of non-dancing weddings. The couple was just as married at the end of it.
I’ve also been to weddings where no one danced (the B&G did the obligatory dance, but after that, empty floor while the DJ played and begged)
A wedding without dancing… will feel a little different from other weddings. It can be done, of course; you can call any old party a wedding as long as there’s people getting married at it. Do what you want, but be prepared for people to look bored, or confused, and yes, actually ask you about it. People may comment, and you’re already tired of this subject so you’ll probably snap at them, and it won’t be pleasant. It’s just not common for a wedding to not have a space-in-which-people-can-dance-if-they-choose. This will be noticeable and might make some people unsure what to do with themselves, especially after many many drinks.
OTOH, I have been to several weddings where the dancing was nontraditional and never had the bride and groom (or bride and father) as the center of attention. The DJ (or playlist) was simply started and as people got drunker, they got up and danced at will. You might consider this as an option, if only to avoid being hounded about it, and to give people something to do other than eat and talk. This is probably what I will do at my wedding (someday)-- I hate all that corny crybaby slow dancey crap. If I feel like dancing I will, and if I don’t, I won’t. If someone bugs me about it I’ll laugh and throw food at them.
Also, though I understand you wanting to get to know your future husband’s family, consider that dancing is a good way for people to loosen up and laugh together. This might actually HELP you get to know them, rather than be a distraction to it. You don’t have to dance if you don’t want to, but the memories of your extended family-in-law doing so (badly) will stick with you for life.
To address your actual question: would a wedding without dancing suck for me? Eh, kinda. Especially if I was drunk, there was music on conducive to dancing, and there was nowhere for me do it. I’d drink a lot and eat a lot, but I’d probably leave early. Having music on while I’m drunk and not letting me flail around stupidly is kinda like handing me a bathing suit and telling me there’s no swimming pool.
My aunt’s second wedding was civil and included a total of less than 30 guests. Bride and groom, their parents, their siblings (my uncle has 4) with their spouses, everybody’s children.
I would have a problem with this part. Some people just like to dance to certain songs, some just like dancing, period. If you were holding a little party at your house and a couple people started dancing to a good song, I’m hoping you wouldn’t make them stop, or leave the party yourself. At your wedding reception, they’ll be in a celebratory mood over you; let them express that.
I hate to dance, but there is a reason they have it. Dancing is an intertainment for participants and watchers. The DJ coordinates the entertainment nowadays. Do you have some kind of entertainment besides music playing. They can listen to music in the backgroound at any store. What are you planning on the others doing for hours. You will have cut most traditional events from the reception. Sure it’s your wedding, but will the guest want to stay after they finish the meal?
There’s nothing wrong with not dancing. My husband sure as hell wouldn’t have done it. I think music of some sort is a must (but then I can’t imagine taking a *bath * without music), but I see no problem with skipping the dance floor thing.
I suppose you could both show up with a cast on your foot. Then everyone else can get jiggy and you won’t be expected to participate.
Personally, I’ve been to enough receptions where there was theoretically dancing-- as in a Dance Floor, but aside from a few ceremonial dances, there was no actual dancing, that anyone who told me I had to have dancing or people wouldn’t have fun would be pointedly asked how much time he or she intended to spend dancing. (If seeing other people dancing bothers you as much as you seem to indicate, I’m not sure I recommend this technique, might backfire on you.)
Of course, I’d be willing to tolerate dancing, as long as I didn’t have to participate, and might be persuadable that I wanted to participate. Or maybe not. First I have to find the groom, then I get to plan the wdding.
