If you don’t want dancing, don’t have it. That said, the only wedding receptions I’ve been to without dancing have been the Southern Baptist, punch-and-cake-in-the-church-fellowship-hall variety (didn’t see that DoctorJ had used almost the exact same phrase until I typed it!), so people may be surprised if there is no dancing. Personally, I’d be bummed if I were a guest, but I would never, ever mention it to you.
For most brides, I honestly don’t think this is the case. Dancing is a fun way to celebrate, especially for large groups of people who don’t necessarily know each other well. Most of the time, after the first couple of dances, most people don’t notice if the bride and groom are on the dance floor or not. People also know that the bride and groom have to circulate and spend time with all of the guests, so they don’t expect them to spend 4 hours getting down to Madonna’s greatest hits.
You don’t have to have dancing at your reception. I’ve been to lovely cake and punch receptions, open houses, etc. with no dancing - they were very lovely and I had an opportunity to do the most important thing, congratulate the bride and groom.
But, since you asked, wedding dances are a riot. Love them. Particularly if care has been given in creating the dance for the guest list (weddings that have a lot of young children in attendance where dancing doesn’t start until after ten doesn’t give me a chance to watch the little kids dance - always a treat.
Would a wedding without dancing suck and leave me not having a good time - no, been to plenty and enjoyed myself. But I almost always enjoy myself more with dancing.
Make sure you have lots of places for people to lean and have conversations (bar like tables)…and the guests will take care of themselves.
Unfortunately, there will likely be at least one person who will insist on dancing…you cannot control that…just have fun. Your guests will do as they will. Don’t worry about it. It’s your wedding day, for you and your new husband. Enjoy it.
Congratulations and hope you have a wonderful day!
I didn’t want to have dancing at my wedding either. In fact, I’d rather have eloped, but everyone else, including the groom, wanted to do a wedding, so I just decided to go with the flow.
We chose Sting’s Fields of Gold for our first dance, as it was the only song we could both stomach that was slow enough to dance to. We shuffled around the dance floor forever with everyone staring at us, then quit when it was half over.
When it was time for everyone else to dance, most people had to be prodded to get up and make some token attempt. The DJ did all he could, but it was rough going. There were about five people (all single women) who did actually dance and enjoy themselves, but for the most part, everyone hung back. It was a dinner reception, so everyone just wanted to linger over coffee and talk, including me.
It wasn’t awful, but I did have a sense that we were trying for something and failing. In retrospect, we could have left it out, and those same five single women would have danced anyway and still had a good time.
I’d rather get kicked in the balls by a buffalo than dance. That said, it is rather pleasing to watch a couple who can actually dance. I’m talking the ballroom type. Very nice, very poetic, very appealing.
But a wedding without dancing? I have no problem with that at all.
You don’t have to have dancing if you don’t want it.
I think the venue/set up can impact this. I was at a wedding somewhat recently with a dance floor, with people who liked to dance in the first place, and there was not as much dancing because the venue was gorgeous and had this lovely outside terrace with beautiful scenery and the weather was great and people tended to take advantage of the terrace to mingle and chat. However, I bet if it had rained or been very cold, more people would have made their way to the dance floor. So you might want to think about your venue (I think you decided on a vineyard?) and how it is set up so that there isn’t a space that seems obvious for dancing and yet no dancing. Having a venue that isn’t a hotel ballroom is probably half the battle right there.
There are also a lot of regional differences about dancing. Mr. Del is from an area where non-dancing is the norm (mostly for religious reasons) while I am from a place where drunken chicken dance marathons are completely expected. You might consider what has been typical at other family/friend weddings you have attended, to figure out what kind of expectations people are going to come in with. You can still skip the dancing, but you might need to be more strategic about it if most people will expect it. To be completely candid, the way you’ve described other things about you and your fiance – you like big parties, good bars, bonfires, and rock music – if I didn’t know you hated dancing, I would be somewhat surprised to realize there was no dancing at your wedding, as opposed to if you were, say for example, Amish.
You really might get some people who hear their favorite song on your playlist, and get up and dance a bit anyway. I’m not sure you can do anything about this, other than maybe realize it’s a possibility and be prepared to ignore it as best you can without letting it ruin your day.
I wouldn’t actually leave my wedding early. I just will not be cajoled, coerced, or guilt-tripped into dancing.
There will be no room in the floor plan for a dance floor. We’ve overinvited to this thing and can barely fit everyone in the room as it is, if a lot of them don’t come. Thus, it will be logistically difficult for dancing to happen even if we wanted it. We hope no one will think of it.
If people start dancing spontaneously, I guess that’s their look-out. They’ll have to move furniture to do it. If we inspire such exuberance, that’s great. I’ll enjoy watching them make fools of themselves.
Rubystreak, having dancing or not is your prerogative, but if dancing just happens, I think this is a really childish attitude to have. Your guests make an effort to attend your wedding, to wish you well, and if they decide the music moves them enough to dance, you’ll just leave? I’m sorry, but that’s beyond irrational - it’s throwing a tantrum because things aren’t going exactly like you wanted. That’s a bit bridezilla-ish to me.
One of the best weddings I’ve been to had no dancing and no alcohol - it was my best friend’s wedding, and she had a band that performs traditional Irish music. The performers were all professors and students from our college music department, where we spent a great deal of time. We didn’t dance, but we did tap our feet to the music, and at one point, we all got up and sang our alma mater and fight songs. A wedding doesn’t need dancing.
I like dancing at weddings, but I’m not going to be devastated if there’s no dancing at one. We had dancing, but we requested the DJ to play mostly big band (Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Tony Bennett) and oldies from the 50s and early 60s. We didn’t want the typical stuff. And everyone had a blast - our dance floor was packed with people swing dancing all night, and my grandfather and I got to show off to “You’re Nobody Till Somebody Loves You”. Having dancing doesn’t mean you have to have the Chicken Dance or do YMCA.
I think you’ve made so many concessions already, if you really don’t even want to SEE dancing, dust off the Lawrence Welk records so no one will be tempted.
Seriously, if you really don’t care if other people dance but just don’t make it easy for them (ie. you don’t plan “time to dance”, choose dance specific music or provide a dance floor), I don’t see a problem. If you start gritting your teeth and marking your escape route, then I think you might want to examine your heart a little closer and see if you can really go through with this, 'cause that’s NOT gracious hosting at all. A gracious host allows her guests to enjoy themselves in any manner they see fit within the bounds of cultural acceptance and legality. I know you’re only doing this reception to make Dad happy, but will he really be happy if you’re miserable?
Here in the Bible Belt I’ve been to a lot of weddings with awful church receptions that were dry and had no dancing. These are shitty receptions. However, I’ve been to plenty of nice receptions where there was little or no dancing and had a fine time. As long as there’s booze.
Also there has to be cheese straws. You aren’t legally married if there aren’t any cheese straws.
I’m fucking kidding. I wasn’t raised in a barnyard-- I wouldn’t ACTUALLY walk out on my wedding. I might fantasize about doing it if people try to make me and Mike dance, but no, I wouldn’t throw myself across the dancefloor to stop others from doing so. They might find it hard to rearrange the furniture to make it happen, though.
:rolleyes: Do some more careful reading if this thread first before you call me names. Thanks so much. I’m not serious about walking out of my own wedding reception. Being forced to dance makes me really uncomfortable and I don’t want to do it. I want my guests to have fun. I’d hope they’d want the same for me and would be considerate of my wishes. It is my wedding, after all, right? Right? RIGHT? ::throws tantrum, turns into Bridezilla, crushes Tokyo, all without dancing once::
The floor plan doesn’t allow for a dance floor, and the space will be filled with guests.
I do not want to do this reception. I made that excruciatingly clear in my first thread. We are doing it to make other people happy because we owe them bigtime. We have already compromised a lot. If dancing spontaneously breaks out, we will deal with it graciously, but not by dancing ourselves. If you think that makes me too selfish to have a wedding, then… wait, are you my SIL?
We posted close together, so I didn’t see the response that you posted. That does clear it up.
I was going by what you said previously. I’m not a mind reader. And I wasn’t calling you a bridezilla, I was saying that behavior seemed a bit over-the-top.
And I don’t think others dancing means that you would be forced to dance. If someone tries to drag you out to dance, then yeah, go Bridezilla on their ass. I felt like going Bridezilla on my DJ’s ass for playing “I’ve Had the Time of My Life”, a song that I hate, and a time period that we had specifically requested he NOT play.
It doesn’t sound selfish, it sounds like you’re offering so much compromise that you’re not getting what you want, and that does suck. So obviously, changing the plans isn’t in the cards now, I’m gathering from your other posts.
You know, you could have friends and close family play bodyguard in terms of the dancing. Just make it known through them that you do NOT want to dance, and let them do the work for you. If someone tries to get you to dance, you’ll have several people standing by to help you out.
I’m really surprised to read the responses in this thread. I think I’ve only been to two weddings that* did* have dancing. I’ve also never been to a wedding where anyone got visibly drunk. I’m not sure how to account for this.
Can I come to your wedding? I hate to dance, and sitting around talking sounds great.
That said, most people do like to dance, and it is entirely reasonable for guests at a wedding to expect it. You need to recognize that your guests may be disappointed at the enforced lack of dancing, and disappointed guests can really drain the fun out a celebration. If you’re fine with that potential outcome, then so be it.
(My own wedding reception had dancing, and everyone had an amazing time. I just stayed the hell off the dancefloor and let everyone else do their thing.)
I hate to dance, and sitting around talking sounds great.