I’ve never been to a wedding *with *dancing (or booze), so I’m always floored when people insist on one, the other, or both, and if they’re not present, it’ll be a horrible, horrible, boring event that they’ll be completely miserable at.
You’re not going to be any less married, for crying out loud. And honestly, the reception is what people make of it. If they go into it thinking it’ll be miserable and boring because OMG there’s no dancing, then, well, they’ll be miserable and bored and that’s their problem, not yours.
We wanted to keep dancing to a minimum at our wedding, because Mr. Neville is self-conscious about his inability to dance. I’ll tell you what we did.
We had the wedding at a synagogue in the early afternoon. Afterward, we had a short reception at the synagogue. We had some dancing, snacks, and cake. We didn’t throw the bouquet or garter, though, because we had already decided we weren’t doing those things.
Later on, at dinnertime, we had a buffet dinner at a local restaurant (we had reserved the restaurant for the night). But it was just dinner- no dancing into the evening. People did move around between tables and talk.
It came out to a nice compromise- the people who wanted to dance got to do some dancing, but we didn’t have to have dancing all evening.
There was no dancing at our wedding or reception. Nobody missed it.
Of course, my husband and I got married in the park in the early afternoon on Labor Day weekend. We had the ceremony, then adjourned for BBQ. There was alcohol, but nobody got hammered (or not that I noticed).
There was music (in the form of a strolling guitar player as requested by my mother and after he left by a good-quality stereo presided over by some of my cousins with a stack of CDs and instructions about what would happen to them if something that would bother the older generation got played by “accident”), but nobody danced.
We all sat around and chatted (we don’t all get togther that often), ate snacks, and watched the kids run around like demons getting filthy and snarking down ice cream snacks provided by my father and the ice cream truck guy (who knew a sucker when he met my father).
According to everyone who was there it was the best wedding they’d been to in yonks (or so they reported to me, my mother, and my aunts - and believe you me, if someone was unhappy about something we’d have heard about it, in detail and at length).
So, you don’t have to have dancing to have a good wedding. It doesn’t sound like your chosen venue lends itself to dancing, so there’s no reason at all why you should be compelled to have some.
There was no dancing at my wedding. We had a dinner and toasts and then got in the car which our brothers had hobbled with shoes and bows and took off.
My fiancee and I are expecting to have small reception/banquet. No dancing planned, really. We’re not even aiming for a venue with a dance floor (and my fiance will not wear a poofy dress, although I’ve already got my pique tie and evening tails). Just a non-religious ceremony followed by a distinguished banquet dinner.
:: shrug ::
We dance a mean tango together, but we just want something simple and digified for the wedding.
Woah, was that a little reptilian roar? Where did I call you selfish? Where did I even allude to you being selfish? My point was almost the exact opposite, that if dancing (and to extend, this reception) is really so hard for you to stand observing that you’re gritting your teeth, maybe you should be MORE selfish now and call the whole thing off. Yes, your dad wants to show off his beautiful daughter. Yes, your fiance wants to shout to the rooftops how lucky he is that you’ve agreed to spend your lives together. Yes, your sister-in-law wants to boogie down and have fun at your reception. That’s just the way it is and the way they are. But more than any of those (one hopes) they want you to be happy, or at the very least not nauseated. You don’t have to go along with every idea, but those parts that you do go along with, you owe it to them to be gracious about, not teeth-gritty.
Frankly, it sounds as if you chose a venue where dancing is not only not appropriate, it’s not even an option, so what’s your SIL going on about? Does she expect you to knock down a wall and extend the room? Move the reception to a new location?
We had no dancing at my reception, really, 'cause we got married in the middle of the woods, had a barbeque by my friend’s tent and then all went to enjoy a huge bonfire with 2000 other people. I think it was the best wedding ever. At a traditional ballroom reception, I’d expect dancing 'cause, y’know, it’s in a ballroom. Sounds like your winery is more location weddingy, and dancing’s not going to fit with the vibe or the location. So be it.
We did not have dancing at our reception. It was at a restaurant and there was no room for it, and we didn’t want it anyway. We had a string quartet for music.
I was told by several people who came that it was the classiest wedding they’d ever been to, which I thought was great. Drunken chicken dancing was not something I cared to have as a memory of my wedding.
I’ve been to a number of other weddings that didn’t have dancing either, and I don’t recall anyone really missing it. One of the nicest weddings I’ve ever been to had no dancing and no booze (gasp!). It was an Amish/Mennonite wedding and the female relatives of the bride and groom made all the food. It was awesome.
There’s nothing wrong with doing something a little differently. Considering the location you’ve chosen, have you thought about maybe having some roving entertainment, like a magician who could do magic tricks for small groups, or a guitarist who could stroll around and sing? It would give people something else to look at/do, and make your wedding a little more unique.
And there’s nothing wrong with eloping either, ya know (which has become my standard advice in these type of situations. If only more people would listen … yes, some relatives might get mad at you for it. If they actually love you, they’ll get over it). I don’t know what it is about weddings that make people insane, but there it is.
If you and your fiance are in agreement, everyone else can go get stuffed. It’s your wedding, not theirs. Your intention at the reception is to get to know people from Mike’s family and excluding the dancing is a good idea in order to avoid people embarrassing the crap out of themselves.
Anyone else who tells you that you MUST compromise on the wedding, MUST be reminded that they are not getting married, YOU are and THEY can go interfere with someone else’s life. After all, you still have music and you’re going to be socialising.
And play whatever music you think is suitable for YOU. Not your SIL, not some random guest who decides to mess with it (hide the iPod from view, otherwise people may stuff with it, if they’re that way inclined), YOU.
And please, tell your SIL to bugger off and then come back and tell us exactly how it happened.
Heh, you sound like me. I had a pretty small wedding. We had about 38 guests, and most of them were older family members. We didn’t have dancing. The harpist that played for my ceremony stayed and played for the reception. I think the only alcohol we had was a champagne toast. It seemed to be fine. Folks hung around and sat at tables and talked, and I got to wander around and mingle. I had a good time, and I think everything was fine.
We had a much bigger wedding - 25 people. We didn’t have music, that I remember. We certainly didn’t have a band or a DJ, and this was long before IPods were invented.
No one cared at all. In fact I never thought about it at all until your post. We invited our friends from all over the country. There were only a few couples, so not that many people would have danced anyhow. We felt that with people coming from far away, we wanted to have time to talk to them. We were able to, and not have to shout over music.
Sounds to me that you’re doing exactly the right thing, assuming that you’re not inviting a bunch of dancing fools.
BTW, if you have ten people at the ceremony, how many at the reception?
So that I can’t be accused of bias: at my wedding there was dancing. My wife and I rehearsed a special wedding dance for more than a month. We had the father-daughter dance, the DJ played the chicken dance, etc.
But I also am surprised by the amount of people that said that they have never seen a wedding without dancing. About half the weddings I have gone to did not have a dance floor. Perhaps that comes with my social circle, which includes many people who don’t spend a lot on their weddings? When we planned our wedding I recall that adding dancing to the evening was a significant cost (DJ, musicians, wooden dance floor for the outdoors setting, etc.) At our wedding location there was an old Victorian 19th century house that people could visit, with a tour guide dressed in period costume, and I think that the house tour was more useful in alleviating boredom than the after-dinner dancing.
I also disagree that it is impossible to have a good time without dancing. There is always the point of view that, when a dance floor is provided, you don’t have to dance if you don’t want to, but in my experience there will always be the people that want you to come out of your shell, are convinced that dancing will bring joy and happiness to your life, and won’t take no for an answer. It can become tedious to have to continually refuse people that are trying to drag you out to the dance floor. Also, when dance music is being played, it is typically so loud that it kills all conversation possibilities for the people who don’t want to dance, but instead prefer to sit and chat - they are now reduced to sitting in glum silence or else shouting in each other’s ear.
If you don’t want to have dancing, then don’t have dancing. If close friends / relatives cannot survive an evening without dancing, provide them with directions to the nearest bar with a sound system.
You didn’t. My SIL did. Because I don’t want to have dancing and don’t want to play weddingy music at my reception. Her wedding cost $40,000. I mean, shiiiiiiit, Mike and I could redo our whole brokedown palace for that. Sorry if that got on you. Didn’t mean to blast that out at you.
In order to fit all the guests we want to have there, we had to eliminate the dance floor. It was never an option with 100 guests. We are inviting 180 ( :eek: – not our doing… NOT OUR DOING) but expecting only 100 to show due to people being not local, not bringing guests though they are invited with guest, etc. It could wind up being actually pretty tight quarters if more people show than we think. If tables are moved around, which maybe could happen, then they could dance. I hope they don’t do that. But still, several people have warned me that they would try to dance anyway.
What is it with the dancing people anyway? I remember someone posting a thread at some point that his GF broke up with him because he wasn’t into dancing. Is it some sort of cult or what?
Forget the dancing. We didn’t have any dancing at our wedding and we had a total blast.
And then we went to a friend’s wedding. The DJ was a total idiot. He kept referring to the party as “this activity”. He must have said that at least 40 times. A crappy DJ is a risk you can do without.
We did not have dancing or alcohol at our reception. Apparently, this would be cause for many of the people who are posting to stop speaking to us. Horrors.
What we did made a lot of sense in context. We live in an uber-conservative area, where many wedding receptions do not include alcohol, dancing, or even music. Our reception venue, in fact, does not even allow alcohol or dancing. The music I played (CDs) had to be pre-approved. (Don’t ask. I wasn’t a fan of the venue, but it was the only major thing my mom stuck in her toes about, and I wasn’t willing to die on that hill, mixed metaphors or not.) It wasn’t a big problem for us, because nearly all of our combined relatives would have been supremely uncomfortable in the presence of alcohol and dancing. We both grew up in, but are no longer affiliated with, a local church complete with headcoverings for women, alcohol prohibitions, dancing prohibitions, no TV, etc. The whole affair was a type of open house, with plenty of good food. These people may not dance, but they can sure as shootin’ cook.
Many of my friends, and some of my husband’s, are not from this area and are unfamilar with the local customs and mores. Knowing about wedding expectations, I was pretty nervous about whether they’d enjoy themselves. I’m sure some of them would have enjoyed dancing and an open bar. They were, however, gracious enough guests to attend a reception that was quite different from what they were used to without being insulting about what may have been missing. I really, really appreciated it.
There are twoparts to most weddings - -the getting married part and the having a party part. There are a lot of kind of parties, some with dancing and some without. Give a good party (of the kind of your own choosing) and tell anyone who complains, before or after, to stuff it. The rudest thing I can imagine (well, not really, but it’s way up there) is for a guest at any event to complain that he/she was not well entertained. The world is full of parties where people eat, mingle, talk, listen to music, and, you know, stroll around the grounds until they feel at home. Expectations, man! They ruin everything…and can prevent the enjoyment of a lot of pleasant opportunities. Challenge some expectations if you feel like it, especially the expectations that you find easier to challenge than to conform to. Congratulations! If anyone thinks you are the “Complaints Department” for your own wedding and bitches because they didn’t get a DJ, offer to return their wedding gift to them, unopened. They want it transactional, let 'em have it transactional.
Where did I call you selfish? Where did I even allude to you being selfish? My point was almost the exact opposite, that if dancing (and to extend, this reception) is really so hard for you to stand observing that you’re gritting your teeth, maybe you should be MORE selfish now and call the whole thing off. Yes, your dad wants to show off his beautiful daughter. Yes, your fiance wants to shout to the rooftops how lucky he is that you’ve agreed to spend your lives together. Yes, your sister-in-law wants to boogie down and have fun at your reception. That’s just the way it is and the way they are. But more than any of those (one hopes) they want you to be happy, or at the very least not nauseated. You don’t have to go along with every idea, but those parts that you do go along with, you owe it to them to be gracious about, not teeth-gritty.
We didn’t have music, that I remember. We certainly didn’t have a band or a DJ, and this was long before IPods were invented.