I’m surprised at this “smoking karma” thing. Oh sure I’ve seen it in bars, airports, and happy touristy places where everybody is drunk on sun and cheap beer, but on the streets of Sydney? Nope. No way. I have NEVER been offered one, but when I was smoking I would be asked by some scumbag NEARLY EVERY TIME that I pulled out a packet. At the station. At the bus stop. On the street… People wearing expensive clothes too, quite often.
Sometimes I’d give. But then I got sick of things like “I couldn’t have another one for later, could I?” This thread makes me feel like a bad person, but I don’t think I am. The moochers were pushy and had this attitude that it was their devine right to bludge smokes from me - and they are more expensive here than in the States (for those who see nothing wrong with bumming cigarettes, would you ask the same stranger to spend a couple of minutes operating a machine in a factory? Because that is what you’re effectively doing if that guy has to go to work to pay for his cigarettes).
So yes, I started out giving. Then the moochers got more and more arrogant and less and less grateful, so I gave less and less. Then it was a curt “No!” without even slowing down, and finally sometimes a firey look and, “Get a fucking job!”
Does that make me an arsehole? I don’t think so, but YMMV.
And for the record, I have never ever asked a stranger for a cigarette. Even if I was jonesing big time, that was my problem for being addicted to nicotine and not some random stranger’s problem. Similarly, if I didn’t have money for a bus fare, I’d fucking walk. I wouldn’t dream of asking strangers for shit like that.
Well there is an etiquette to this, you know. Cigarette Karma isn’t about people walking up and handing you smokes, you still have to ask. Also, NEVER feel bad about turning someone down if they ask for more than they can smoke right then. Bummed cigarettes are like manna from heaven. They cannot be saved or stored. You must simply have faith that there will be more.
I was out with my cousin and his ice queen girlfriend once and had a moment of near Seinfeldian minutiae based obsession. I didn’t like the girl anyway- I thought she was condescending, boring, a person of totally unwarranted self-esteem and ego and amazingly mannerless, but I tolerated her because she was my cousin’s castrating domineering neurotic girlfriend of the moment (later wife, didn’t last long).
We were in a bar when a young lady came up to her and said “Can I please buy one of your cigarettes? I’ll give you a dollar for one…”, smiling and holding out her dollar. Tracy (cousin’s girlfriend), without ever speaking, gives her a cigarette, takes the dollar, and then resumes her drink or whatever. For the rest of the evening I’m obsessing over the fact that she took the dollar! You don’t TAKE the dollar!
It’s elementary three-step Dixie Bushido.
A woman/person offers you a dollar for the cigarette. This allows them to maintain their pride. “I am not a beggar, I offer you fair recompense*.”
You politely make eye contact, possibly saying “sure” or “of course” even. You then flip open the pack until one juts out and motion for them to take it.
Supplicant offers you the dollar with a gesture that you respond to by gently raising your hand palm-out and waving from left to right to left not more than three times to convey ‘think nothing of it Querida, it is my pleasure to give’.* The transaction is complete, the supplicant has their cigarette, you have the content of being a gracious person, all honor and pride is intact.
And in fact in fact $1 was UNfair recompense" for cigarettes for at the time a pack of smokes was just over $2 (this was during one of the Marlboro price wars) and you gave her 1, that’s a 1000% profit if you accept it!
I literally couldn’t concentrate on the conversation for several minutes because all that would reverberate through my synapses was BITCH TOOK THE DOLLAR! I was convinced a car was going to crash through the window of the bar and into our table as the Cotton Gods punished Tracy for her act, and I feared being in her presence.
She later married and quickly divorced my cousin and entered a live-in relationship with a guy who was arrested for embezzlement. I know why it happened, but I doubt she does.
When I smoked I always gave out heaters freely to anyone who asked and was always provided for in turn if I was tapped. I think there’s a natural empathy among smokers for fellow smokers who are Jonesing. Everybody’s been there and knows what it’s like. Everyone knows that at some point they’ll probably be there again. It really is kind of an unspoken bit of smokers’ ettiquette to help a brother out when he needs it.
There are, of course, people who abuse this system. Aside from cheapskate moochers, there are also, as levdrakon alluded to, also the “quitters” who quit buying theor own packs but can’t quite seem to either quit sponging smokes off of others or actually…you know…stopping smokers.
Still, unless somebody proves themselves to be a habitual mooch, the ettiquette is always to to give. Actually bumming smokes or being bummed for smokes really isn’t a bad way to start a conversation with with a chick (or whatever yiour preference is). Asking for a light is even better because you’re not really asking them to give you anything but it’s an excuse to talk to them. I used that tactic once or twice even though i had a lighter in my pocket.
While meeting chicks has never been a big priority with me, I have to admit that the social aspects of smoking are the thing I missed most during the 3.5 years I quit. As an icebreaker it’s simply unparalleled. I work in a not particularly friendly place and almost all of my closer workplace friends I know solely from the Smoker’s Corner. Whenever I’ve gone to conferences the contacts I make the most of are gained through smoking. If somebody could provide a social patch to go along with the Nicotine patch I think the habit would be forever licked.
Oh, the chick thing - or guy thing, for all I know - works: there’s a built-in rapport already, you know she’s not gonna turn up her nose at your filthy habit, and if there’s a hint of interest there the chances for lingering hand contact manifest themselves pretty quick: you wanna hold my wrist while I light you? OK, looks like I’m in.
I’ve been on the wagon for nearly 6 weeks, and damn, but this thread makes me want to wander outside and light up: bad thread! Bad!
Awww keep going! I have developed this wee bet with myself, if you can make six months then I can do better then the three days I did 2 weeks ago! Feel the burden?
Though smoking is anti social to most it is very social us hardy few. I would never turn down a smoke to a fellow addict. Although I can’t remember the last time I asked a stranger for a fag, I know I have. I have also given away many. If I was in dire need I would like to think that a fellow smoker would not say no, rather they would see the desperate glint in my nicotine deprived eyes, recognise it, and end the suffering!
That said, smokes are bloody expensive and I don’t blame the OP for turning down the second ‘bummer’, he was just taking the piss.
I figure it’s not official until I pass the three month mark. Besides, I prefer to refer to myself as a “recovering smoker”: it has that therapy-speak ring of professional victimhood about it.
Oh yes. At my last job, I wasn’t just new, I was new and from someplace far away. I didn’t learn until later that some of my co-workers thought I might have an attitude, being from the city and all. :rolleyes: My now best friend asked me early on, “Do you think we’re backward?”
Smoking broke the ice. It was something we immediately had in common. If I hadn’t been a smoker, I might have taken it up, just for the sociability.
