Nominate a profession for the Golgafrincham b ark

For those of you who haven’t read the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, the Golgafrinchans were a race whose planet was going to be completely destroyed by a mutant star goat. To save their race, they built three mighty space arks. In the A Ark, they put all of their greatest minds, leaders, scientists, artists etc. In the C Ark, they put all of the actual workers, and into Ark B when everyone else (listed as hairdressers, insurance salesmen, middle-management, personnel officers, management consultants, telephone sanitisers and the like)

They sent the B Ark off first, and then everyone else stayed home. The Mutant star goat had been made up to let them get rid of the most useless third of their population. The rest of them happily lived on on Golgafrinchan, until the entire race was wiped out by a plague contracted from a dirty telephone.

So, which professions would you nominate to put on the B Ark? Who would we all be better off without?



Homeopathic “doctors”.


Door to door salesmen, both of the corporate and religious variety.

Not a profession per se, but IMHO every MBA — especially from someplace like “Bob’s MBA Academy & Radiator Repair” — would be required to prove the ability to achieve something productive (an ashtray would suffice) to be upgraded to the “C” Ark.

Politicians. Imagine a world without politicians.

Not a profession, but a single person: Some no-talent socialite named Paris Hilton, who apparently thinks she is Og’s gift to the world.

“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”

Members of the political party I disagree with.

One question, though. Is their b ark worse than their b ite?

Perfume sample people in stores, who try to squirt you with Eau de Skunkfart as you pass by.

As a telemarketer, I’d like to protest.

Well, no, I’d just like to exclude business to business telemarketers :smiley:

In our place, I offer people who stand in the high street with signs advertising Cash4Gold or similar. Also, anybody who has a company whose purpose is impossible to determine even after reading through their website. If their job was that important, there’d be a name for it.

Actually, I have to nominate chuggers. Chuggers make time-share salesmen seem reasonable.

Bailiffs - debt collectors - are also mostly law-breaking vengeful bastards, at least in the UK, but I don’t know if I could inflict them on the others in the B ark.

NO EXCLUDING TELEMARKETERS! Damn, even thinking about telemarketers and exclusions is making me mad.

I nominate record company executives.

Amway salespeople. Any MLM marketers, for that matter, MonaVie, Metabolife, etc.

What’s a chugger?

I nominate salespeople to be included on the B Ark. Without fail, they’ll sell more than their company can deliver, gaining them large commissions, and either leave their customers with incomplete solutions, or leave the rest of their company struggling to meet whatever crazy needs they agreed to for no extra charge.

There’d be a lot more fighting. Actual physical fighting, I mean. Politics is the art of resolving conflicts without resorting to knives, fists, and guns.

See above.

The point here is that lawyers exist to create billable conflict.

Life Coach.

“Hi, I suffer from the sort of intellectual deficit required in order to be attracted by this sort of pitch. Now,* pay me for personal advice*.”

Astrologers, psychics, reiki therapists, and others of their ilk.

Nancy Grace can be told that she gets to be captain of the b ark.


They exist because people do better with something complicated like law when they have an expert handling details. The alternative to lawyers is for people to be continuously screwed over because they don’t know what they are doing, or for all disputes to be solved by brute force.

And who created the complicated laws?